The Railbird Hustle

"Neither a borrower nor a lender be; for loan oft loses both itself and friend … "

- The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark,

Act I, Scene 3

In William Shakespeare's play Hamlet, a father (Polonius) gives the above advice about borrowing and lending to his son (Laertes), who's about to go off to school. As presented in the theatre, it has a somewhat comical effect. The father goes on … and on … and on … and on - and then on some more. It's sort of like me, trying to give advice to my daughter, Krystle. Notwithstanding the dad's ponderous tone and the son's obvious impatience, some of the advice is pretty good. I particularly like the line: "This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man."

About 400 years or so after Shakespeare, in the 1970s musical play Cabaret, Joel Grey sang Money Makes the World Go 'Round. Look around the poker world, and cash is all over the place. If you can't get your hands on any, you're on the rail, buddy. And the rail can be a very cold place. It is a dark side of the poker world and a sad sight to see. Groveling for money in a cardroom can be nasty for the soul.

Getting hit up for money is part of the poker scene. The begging and borrowing never cease. If you are in the chips, plenty of people will be looking to "borrow" some. Some will be your friends or acquaintances. (An acquaintance is one who would borrow money from you but would never loan you any.) Others will be people you don't even know, just faces you've seen around the cardroom. The better ones will really have intentions of paying you back. Some, however, can't see that far into the future, like drug addicts focused on this fix, without regard for tomorrow. Some are just looking for something for nothing, and want to hustle you out of your dough and wouldn't pay you back even if they got rich. Loaning railbirds money just to get rid of them never seems to work. They always come back. Help a man out when he is down and out and he will always remember you … when he is in trouble again!

The vast majority, well-intentioned or not, will never be able to pay you back. Some of these folks genuinely think they will rebound and pay you back - but few actually will. If the man is not your friend and you think he is just hustling you for gambling money, I don't think it is a good place for your money. In a world where children starve to death daily, your charitable dollars can go to much more deserving causes.

Many so-called "pros" never seem to have any money. For bankrolls, they rely on "friends" and "stakers" to get them into action. One pro once informed me that he could always spend his capital, as he didn't really need a bankroll because it was always easy to borrow money, and his "friends" never charged him any interest, anyway. In Roy Cooke's world, that is taking advantage of your "friends." Yes, friends do help friends help themselves! But, friends don't abuse a friendship and take advantage of friends.

It has always amazed me how successful some of the rail hustlers are. Putting it bluntly, they hustle the poker rail for a living. Most are just stone-cold con men who are looking to swindle you out of your money. Often, they are very good at it. Things are not always as they appear around the gambling scene. Some of these people have quite a gift of gab and great charm and charisma, and give the appearance of honesty and integrity. I've seen some players borrow millions. One well-spoken, attractive young lady with a sweet smile and an outward appearance of class went around asking men she barely knew for $10,000 stakes. Many men just handed it to her, unable to say no to a pretty girl. If you can't learn to say no to people in a gambling environment, word will get around quickly and you're sure to become a mark.

That said, hanging out with the gambling set can present more difficult personal situations. When people you like and care about have financial difficulties, as often happens in the poker world, tough decisions have to be made. If you expect to recover a loan, the borrower must have both the integrity and the ability to pay you back - and that's a rare combination.

Often, a friend's problem goes beyond the mere lack of money; you have to consider why your friend is broke, and assess his ability to become solvent. Does he have a gambling problem? Is he really running bad or is he a losing player and doesn't recognize it? Is he willing to help himself or has he given up on life? Is he digging a deep hole for himself? Many people fail to understand that if they are digging a hole for themselves, the first thing they should do is quit digging. Loaning such a player money in that situation is tantamount to giving him a shovel. Of course, he will not perceive it that way. He will see a refusal to loan him money as a betrayal of friendship, trust, and loyalty.

If your friend is truly your friend, you should do your best to help him solve the problem. In many instances, that it is an impossibility. In such situations, if either you or he is unwilling to do what it takes to solve the problem or the problem is unsolvable, you need to be aware of those issues and accept that you are giving away money and are extremely unlikely to see it again. And understand that your friend is very likely to come back and ask for more. If you can't accept that, you need to have a heart-to-heart talk with your friend. It has been my experience that these talks never go well. If he is a good enough friend that the money doesn't matter, go ahead and give it to him - but be prepared for his next request. Possibly, this friend will not feel as betrayed if you turn him down the next time, and the friendship will be less damaged. True and genuine friends are hard to make in life. If the friendship is valuable to you and you saved it, it was probably money well spent. Then again, you may have just delayed the end of the friendship.

A somewhat different relationship is a business agreement in which you bankroll somebody and there is the possibility for a win-win situation. However, few seem to work out that way. Often, there is a legitimate reason the player needs to be staked. Lots of players don't play near as well as they credit themselves. Staking relationships involve a lot of trust. Sometimes a situation is just a hustle on a player's part to rip off a person who is staking him for whatever he can stick in his sock. If you are going to stake someone, you better trust both his integrity and his game. I once staked a guy in a $75-$150 stud game, only to have him go to the bathroom with a handful of black chips rat-holed in his pocket, which never made it back onto the table.

Since that unsavory experience, I have staked just two people over the course of my poker career. Both were good winning pros with whom I had trusting personal relationships. In both cases, they were looking to play very good games that were significantly higher than they could afford, or wanted to take some of the risk out of a tournament. Both players have enriched me financially. That said, staking someone isn't something I am looking to get involved in.

Being around gambling tends to make people underestimate the value of money. It flows so freely back and forth in amounts that astound the working-class person that it perverts one's sense of its everyday value. Some players don't think it is "macho" to care about money. Some compulsive gamblers seem to hate having money - thinking it is evil (sometimes I think they feel guilty about their "ill-gotten gains") or that having money is unwholesome in spirit. Some people are just naive to the intents of others, and are easy prey for the hustlers. Don't fall into that trap.

That said, don't overestimate the value of money. Part of the value of having money is being able to help your friends help themselves in times of need. But make sure your friends are genuine friends! The friendship should be in place before the need.

That Shakespeare guy knew a thing or two. Sometime in the not-too-distant future, I'm going to have to make like Polonius and have this chat with Krystle.

Did Laertes take his dad's advice? We never find out. Hamlet killed Polonius, and later, Laertes killed Hamlet (who, by the way, was his best friend). But that is another story, and Bill told it better than I could ever hope to do.

Roy Cooke played winning professional poker for more than 16 years. He is a successful real estate broker/salesperson in Las Vegas - please see his ad below. If you would like to ask Roy poker-related questions, you may do so online at www.UnitedPokerForum.com.