'Put a Fork in That Steak/Stake, It's/He's Done'

I'm writing this from lovely Costa Rica, my fourth trip here. The first was for a backgammon tournament in 1995, and the last three have been more recent ventures to take part in the tournaments hosted by Nick Gullo and Casinos Europa.

Unlike my other trips, this one wasn't profitable, at least in a cash sense, but I'm leaving with a wealth of new knowledge and experiences. Whether that's a rationalization (arguably the second-most dangerous word in the poker lexicon, after "tilt"), I'll let you decide.

The first sign that I might not be hitting on all cylinders this trip came early. Casinos Europa sends free buses to pick up all expected poker tournament participants, and mine was so full, they had to put some of the luggage inside. As I was struggling to get my large suitcase from the back of the bus, my passport wallet (which, I freely admit, I hadn't tucked away as securely as I could have) fell from my pocket.

I didn't discover this until I went to check in at my hotel, and as you can imagine, I was a little on the upset side. This is no time to be abroad without your passport. I immediately went over to the casino, where several members of the staff jumped into action.

"If your passport is where you think it is, on that bus, we'll find it," Operations VP Steve Primak assured me. "If you dropped it at the airport, you're probably out of luck. American passports sell for as much as $10,000 on the black market here. But even if it's gone, don't worry: We'll take you over to the U.S. Embassy ourselves and walk you through the replacement process."

The bus that had taken me from the airport was already locked down for the night, and I went to sleep convinced I was going to lose a couple days of my trip to legal hassles. The next morning, though, Casinos Europa employee Daniel Rovira arrived at my hotel door with the passport wallet, which had indeed fallen exactly where I had guessed it must have.

This scored lots of points with me for administrative honesty. Rovira easily could have claimed he never found the passport and made a small fortune. Instead, he made a decent tip.

Although I had a couple of winning sessions, by and large I ran so bad in the live games and the tournaments that I decided not only to skip the main event ($500 buy-in with rebuys and add-ons, so I figured it was a $2,500 event), but to play the final $10 "camisa" event for only $10.

If you don't recall my prior descriptions of these wild events, "camisa" is Spanish for "shirt," as in "I lost my shirt," a much more charming term than "rebuy." Although it is indeed possible to make the final table or win on a mere $10 investment - Peter Fisher and I proved that during our first trip down here - most players who are serious about winning figure these events require a minimum $310 investment, because when the rebuy (camisa) period ends, you get a premium for your money. Your original $10 gets you $35 in tournament chips, and that ratio remains constant during the camisa period.

Once you reach the add-on stage, though, most add-ons receive a three-for-two premium, and if you buy the maximum $300 worth, you get 50 camisas ($1,750) rather than 30. When you combine this format with the vigorous Latin spirit and the lovely hostesses, you'd better not be one of those folks who likes to play poker in a tomblike silence, because the energy in the room is like nothing you've ever experienced.

Although the event started out in promising fashion, I lost a huge pot when my K-K fell to someone who had played A-3 and flopped 5-4-2, and I was down to $43 when Daniel Negreanu came by my table.

"How's it going, pal? I bet on you," Daniel said. Another feature they offer in these tournaments is parimutuel betting on the players, wherein you can buy anyone you want for $10. The more people who buy tickets on you, the worse the price a winning ticket pays, just like the racetrack. Daniel, I guess, was figuring he would be the only person to buy a ticket on me (and he was).

"You should have checked with me, Daniel," I said. "I came here tonight not planning on adding on."

"But you can't do that!" he exclaimed. "You're way better than average for this field!" I started looking for the bread, because the buttering up process had clearly started.

"Nope, it's been a rough week," I said, "and I'm going to take my own advice and not push things when it doesn't feel right. I'm just going to play these chips and get out of here if my stack doesn't become fruitful and multiply."

Daniel, who was busily trying to set camisa records of his own at his table - he knows how to enjoy Costa Rica, I'll give him that - immediately offered to stake me for maximum camisas, every dollar I needed, with me playing for 50 percent of whatever I would win. At that stage of the event, you were allowed to buy eight camisas ($240 in chips) for $80.

"Maximo camisas por mi amigo!" Daniel yelled to the chip runner.

"Daniel, do you realize you're spending $80 now and probably at least another $300 later just to protect a $10 parimutuel investment?" I asked, trying to offer a voice of reason.

"Of course, but you are strong like bull - you will win!" he cried, and I yielded, accepting the camisas and playing as a stake horse for the first time.

Playing on Daniel's money, I felt an obligation to play even better than I would on my own, but by the time we'd reached the add-on period, Daniel had a $580 investment in his horse. As I told Erik Seidel, who was sitting directly across from me, backing a $10 investment with $580 in camisas wouldn't be a good investment if placed on Erik against a final table of nine opponents who had never played before and needed a chart to know if a flush beat a straight. Of course, Daniel also did have his 50 percent equity in me, and …

Things started going well after the break! My stack more than tripled during the next two hours, and I felt like I was playing better than I had in quite a while.

Just as this new confidence was starting to convince me that Daniel was going to make money for both of us, Tournament Director Dave Lamb came over to me and said, "If you can concentrate at this table, Andy, you've really got a will of steel," because in addition to all of the incredibly friendly and lovely young hostesses working the event, I was now sitting across from the most beautiful woman I'd ever played poker with. To make matters worse (or better, depending on your point of view), she was also getting a massage. However, she was from Florida, and her boyfriend was at the next table, so I didn't bother trying to catch her name.

"No problemo, Dave," I said. "When I was 17, a bunch of us went to the Playboy Club in London to play blackjack, and despite the raging hormones you'd expect in a 17-year-old, I focused entirely on my cards and was the only winner from our group."

"I'm sorry you've never developed a full libido," Lamb said with a laugh.

"Oh, it's developed, believe me," I said. "I sometimes worry it's a little too developed. It's just stored away for those moments when I need it."

Unfortunately, what also proved to be stored away for another moment, after that conversation, was luck, because I never won a hand after Lamb's comment. Daniel's $580 ($590 if you include the parimutuel ticket that had started the whole thing) and I were gone by the time we had about six tables left.

So, what pearls of wisdom did I take away from my Costa Rican adventure?

1. The Casinos Europa staff treats their poker guests like gold.

2. When it isn't your week, just shut it down for a while and look for other forms of entertainment, because there's always another poker game available tomorrow.

3. Daniel Negreanu is a great guy who knows how to have fun, but his investment theories need a little work.

4. I still have the same ability at 46 that I had at 17 to keep my focus on cards instead of women. Of course, this focus left me unable to test whether I could still do certain other things at 46 that I could do at 17.

5. With enough mental discipline and determination, you can play your best game even if the cards haven't been running well.

6. If you want to play like a Lion, stay away from the Lamb.