An Unlikely Poker Lesson

Hi. Come on in. I got one of those do-it-yourself pizzas. I hope you like pepperoni and mushrooms.

Let me tell you a racetrack story. It wasn't that I was ashamed of being there, but I would have felt a bit awkward if any of my friends had seen me. So, I went alone. What would my poker room pals say? They'd probably remind me of one of my favorite sayings: "I don't bet on anything I can't shuffle." I'm a poker player. I don't play roulette, craps, or blackjack. I don't bet sports or drop my coins into slot machines. I'm a purist. I'm a poker player.

So, what was I doing at a racetrack? Betting on a horse, that's what. Why? For an educational experience, that's why. All of this transpired several years ago while I was living in Pacific Palisades in Southern California.

I played poker almost daily in the cardrooms of Gardena, and much of the talk in those cardrooms was about horse racing - betting on the ponies. I didn't understand anything about it, except that horse betting also involved lots of bad beats: Horses that faltered in the turn; horses that faltered in the stretch; horses that faltered at the wire. My attitude about wagering on a horse was one of reserved disdain.

If 10 horses line up to race, 20,000 people will show up to wager on the outcome. But if 10 people decided to have a footrace, how many horses would be there to bet their favorite? Horses had to be smarter than people.

I decided that if I wanted to understand these folks (my opponents at the poker table) and gain insight into their mental processes, I should experience what they experience. So, I decided to go to the track for an encounter with the ponies.

I bought a Racing Form, and a book of gambling systems for a method of handicapping a horse race. It took me 45 minutes to find the horse I wanted to back.

Now, I had but to wait until the fourth race to place my wager. At the appointed time, I took my place in line, optimistically moving toward the parimutuel window, $2 clutched in my hand. I quickly noticed that I was the only handicapper holding $2. The others were clutching fistfuls of larger-denomination bills. I stuffed my hand into my pocket.

A feeling of exhilaration pervaded the environment as I placed my wager. I decided to experience this moment to the fullest. It took some squeezing and jostling, but I managed to place myself at the rail, right on the finish line.

As the horses were led into the starting gate, my breath was coming in short gasps. I held on tightly to my parimutuel ticket. I had bet my horse to show. Soon, I would be holding my wagering profits. A loud bell rang and a voice shouted, "They're off!"

The voice was almost correct. Most of the horses "were off." My horse, upon hearing all the noise, reared on its hind legs and looked around to see who had rung that loud bell. Not finding the bell ringer, he noticed that his fellow horses had taken off down the track at a rapid pace. Maybe they were in pursuit of the bell ringer. He chased them. He was 20 yards behind, but determined to be among the first to discover the bell ringer.

Quickly, he caught up with the pack, then worked his way toward its leader. He ran sixth. He ran fifth. He ran fourth. He ran third - just where I had bet him. Around the final turn, he ran third. Into the stretch, he ran third. Coming down to the wire, he ran fourth. Fourth? Oh, no! He had faltered.

Now, I knew the meaning of that word. That blankety-blank horse had lain down and died! And now I knew the feelings of my horse-betting opponents as they told their tales of woe.

What do your opponents play? Where do they lose their money? If you want to know something about them, do what they do. You don't have to do it every day, but try it a few times. Learn to speak their language and commiserate with them.

If you're lucky, you'll lose your first few times. I'm glad that I did. Poker has enough bad beats; I don't need any more aggravation, especially from a horse.

Not bad pizza. My Norwegian grandma couldn't have done any better. Thanks for all of your mushrooms. Take that last slice and kill the light on your way out.

Editor's note: Roy West, author of the bestseller 7 Card Stud, the Complete Course in Winning (available from Card Player), continues to give his successful poker lessons in Las Vegas to both tourists and locals. Ladies are welcome. Get his toll-free 800 number from his ad on Page 106.