What They Mean When They Say …

The dealer pushed the pot to the computer programmer from Boise, Idaho, a clean-cut young man with rosy cheeks and a cheery smile. Across the table from him, a middle-aged woman in a jogging suit and gold jewelry, a Vegas regular who plays three or four days a week, fumed. "Nice hand," she said to Boise, tapping the felt gently with a clenched fist.

She'd flopped second set and he'd rivered a gutshot to snap her. Nice hand may have been what she said, but what she meant was: "You sucked out on me, you lucky fish, and don't you dare leave the table until I get my money back from you and then some!"

As is the case with other things in the poker world, there is more to what people say than appears on the surface. Saying one thing when you mean another is not limited to the poker world, and if you go past the words to the meaning, you get a more accurate picture of a player's mental state. And, as we all know, recognizing what opponents are thinking is a key poker skill. To help you out, I am going to provide the correct translations to some commonly heard phrases in the poker room, so that you can better understand, read, and communicate with your opponents.

When players say, "Nice play," to someone taking the chips, what they really mean is "Are you really that stupid?"

"Do you mind if I sit next to you?" This could actually mean one of several things. Most likely, it means, "You always flash your cards and I can take your money much easier if I know what you have." It also could mean, "You are a maniac and I want to be able to reraise you so that I can play you heads up." In some cases, it can mean both things.

"What's that?" is a phrase you hear from someone who has just paid off a naked bluff. It means, "I read you so well that plays like that are worthless against one of my superior ability."

When making a call, a player says, "Size of the pot," or "The pot's too big," or "The price is right." This means, "I know you have me beat, but I'm willing to toss in another big bet to find out what you have, and maybe, just maybe, there's a poker god who will figure out a way to give me these chips."

At showdown, with a little hitch of hesitation when looking at the hand just exposed, a players says, "I can't see his hand." This means, "I'm going to be a jerk and slow-roll you, and, hopefully, set you on tilt." Another phrase that translates the same way in that situation is, "That's a good hand." The complete sentence is, "That's a good hand, and I'm gonna let you think you won for a second, and then I'm going to show you my far superior hand - ha-ha, ha-ha."

When facing a bet or a raise, a player says, "That's not enough," meaning, "I'm not gonna let you bully me; I got more guts than you."

"Can I buy you a drink?" means "I want to get you drunk so that you'll liven up this game."

"You are interesting to talk to; I like sitting next to you." This means, "Stay on my right, where I have some control over you and can take all of your money," or, "You are sitting on my left and I don't want you three-betting me, so I want you to like me," or, "You are flashing your cards."

"How long are you going to be in town?" This means, "You play so badly, I have to rearrange my life, my work, and my time with my kids to try to get into your game."

"Nice catch." This means, "I had you till the river, you suck-out dog, which, by the way, makes me an inherently better human and player than you, and I deserve the chips you're stacking." A closely related phrase is, "You got there," which is the same thing stated by a person who is slightly more polite.

"I've been running so bad, I've missed my last (insert number here) draws in a row." This means, "I want you to know the reason I can't afford a buy-in isn't how horribly I play, but just plain bad luck, and I want the successful players to whom I give my money to validate how good I really am."

"How long does it take to get to the airport?" This means, "You guys have me good and stuck, and I need to know how much time is left for my one last desperate shot to get even."

A player says to a dealer, "You never deal me a hand," which means, "I'm in total denial about my inability to play poker and I'd much rather blame the dealer than myself. And, by the way, it's my parents' fault I'm a loser, not mine." This is a close relative of, "How long are you going to be in the box?" This means, "I have lost the mortgage payment and the milk money, and it must be somebody's fault!"

"Let's gamble!" This means, "My car payment is past due and I need to make a score … oh, by the way, I have 17 cards to the nuts and two to come with my top pair. I only meant for you to gamble."

"Can I borrow $500 until tomorrow?" This translates to, "Will you give me $500 even though I have no prayer of ever being able to repay you - even if I planned to, which I don't?"

When confronted with any of these pearls, it's your mission to do as the young man from Boise did - just smile and stack the chips. And remember, it ain't what they say that counts, but what they mean.

Roy Cooke played winning professional poker for more than 16 years. He is a successful real estate broker/salesperson in Las Vegas - please see his ad below. If you would like to ask Roy poker-related questions, you may do so online at www.UnitedPokerForum.com.