Late Night Poker, As I Saw It

It was just like old times when I arrived in Cardiff to do my money in the latest series of Late night Poker. Well, not quite actually. Whereas in the past you could expect the bar to be full of fired up poker players, on this occasion there was only Rory Liffey, my minder, supping pints whilst watching his beloved Manchester United on the telly. Some people have questioned Liffey’s credentials as a minder but that’s only because they don’t know how to get maximum value from him in this role. The trick is to make sure that Rory starts drinking first and is a couple of pints ahead at all times. That way when he starts talking gibberish you know it’s time you can put a halt to proceedings before it’s your turn. It’s a bit like miners lowering a caged canary into a mineshaft to see if all is safe, though to be fair Liffey enjoys getting pissed a little more than a canary likes death by asphyxiation. There are a few obvious flaws in this system but it’s good craic, so who cares.

After United were finished murdering Spurs, we went in search of someone to play with. James Akenhead was the only toy available which was fine as he’s very good company. James was a little nervous as he was in the commentary box for the week so we tried to get him drunk to help him out but he was having none of that. One up for the Brits.

The next day wasn’t quite as much fun, though it did start well as I had breakfast with Barny Boatman who’s always good for a laugh. (My minder doesn’t do breakfast). Next it was off to the studio at an ungodly hour. My lawyer is still working on that. The clue is LATE. I’m quite confident I will be getting a full refund, though to be honest if Carlsberg did lawyers they certainly wouldn’t do my one. My heat was quite a good laugh. Ross Boatman is good value and James Dempsey was good craic too. A couple of hours later my working day was over so it was beer and dinner with Liffey, Gareth from 888, and Sam Holden. This was the first time I’d met Sam and found him to be a grand lad. I had met Gareth before.

I headed for Dublin to play the real big pot of the week. I had an appointment with an eye specialist to determine if the degeneration my optician had spotted in my eye was of the same type that left my sister blind a few years ago. After two hours of tests he told me all was fine and his receptionist nailed me for €250. Much cheaper than LNP! On the way out I followed the signs for the car park and walked straight into the ladies toilet. Scott Gray suggested I go back upstairs and demand a refund. Maybe I will put my lawyer on the case when he’s finished with those Cardiff people.