Big Losses

Posted: October 20, 2008 08:03 PM

Big losses; is PH online poker donk? Panic attack (you don't want one!), Phelps!!

Lose, lose lose! I hate to lose! Since the end of the WSOP, it seems that I have lost about $120,000 playing online poker. After losing consistently for about a year online, I have to ask myself: are you an online donk? Although it is true that I believe that I'm up over $250,000 lifetime playing online poker. Also true is that I think I was up $550,000 at the peak. How does one lose $300,000 back playing online? Well, there are a few reasons that make sense to me, but they all lead to me not playing my best online. In other words, I'm the donk most days! Let's take a closer look at why. First, I do not play online poker for a living. So, then I put other things in front of my online efforts. This means that rather than schedule workouts in the morning (while focusing on winning poker), and online poker sessions everyday at noon (or whenever), I jump online late at night when I'm tired. Then after losing, I'm already tired, now add frustrated and maybe I tilt a little bit. In the real world, I cannot afford to tilt as I'm focused, ready to play, and ready to deal with bad beats. Plus, the play oftentimes in the real world, especially in tournaments, is atrocious. Second, I never book a win! Many days I am playing great poker and I hit $20,000 - $30,000 winner for the day, and then I take a bad beat or two, maybe get too emotional, maybe tilt a bit, and the next thing you know I'm losing $20,000!! This is a cardinal sin in poker. You should never ever take a big win and turn it into a loss. If I'm going to play in the big games online, then I need to give it proper focus and treat it like a job. I hope that I can do that, and maybe play only two or three hours a day.

On Friday night I began playing at midnight after I had a few drinks at dinner with my wife. By the way we saw "Max Payne" and it was a horrible movie! It was too violent, and I couldn't really get mad at most of the bad guys. In any case, by 2:00 am I had donked off (I donked off the last $14,000 for sure!) $25,000 or so playing heads up $50 - $100 blinds at UltimateBet.com. Then I decided that I should be tough on myself for the loss, choosing to beat myself up. I do not handle losing well, and that hasn't been a bad thing for me. Because when I lose I focus my energy on the how's and the why's, and I strive to improve my weaknesses. However, does it make sense to beat yourself up every time you lose? Hell no! While beating myself up, I helped induce a "Panic attack." You do not want to have one of those, trust me! I collapsed on the floor, knowing it was probably a panic attack, but wondering if I was going to have a heart attack and die. I couldn't move very much as I broke into a cold sweat on the ground of my wife's study at 3:00 am (while staring up at the television). At this point I kept reminding myself that I was blessed on so many levels that it was amazing. But no thought takes you out of a panick attack, instead you simply suffer on the ground for a few minutes. Afterwards, I went upstairs to wake up my wife and hug her. For the record this was the second panick attack of the year for me, and that's pretty high. What I learned was this: I need to rejoice in my life and my blessings! And I need to worry less about the things that aren't perfect. I am luckier when I'm positive, and I intend on staying that way through the end of the year. As I write this I'm on a plane to Vegas (Sunday) where I play the Bellagio's $15K event, and do opening night for "The Real Deal" (www.realdeallv.com).

Within two hours of being in Vegas on Sunday, I hung out with Michael Phelps (we went out to "Tryst"), and Phelps had the best line ever, but now as I write these last few lines it is 4:00 pm Monday and I haven't made it into the tournament that's started at noon! More Phelps BLOG tomorrow…I will say that I'm a bit star struck by Phelps!