Reacting to Mistakes

My first blog said I’d put up a new one every week or so. But I’m publishing this one only two days later. I want to:
• Thank “John” for sending me an excellent question a few hours after my blog appeared
• Create some momentum. Hopefully, other people will comment on my answer.
• Illustrate the Question-Answer-Discussion process. My coaching approach is interactive. Other people’s comments will often be more helpful than my original answer.

I put “John” in quotation marks because it’s not his real name. I’ll use code names to avoid embarrassing people and revealing information that opponents could use against them. You should do the same when asking questions or commenting.

John asked, “How can I control myself from getting too frustrated and stop looking back on previous mistakes and continue to play my best?”

Thanks for an excellent question. You’re certainly not the only one with that problem, and its effects can be serious. Your emotions may directly damage your decisions, and dwelling on past mistakes prevents you from giving your full attention to the only thing you can control, your future decisions.

I must also congratulate you for recognizing this mistake. Far too many people deny their mistakes and keep making them. Because you recognize the problem, you can take corrective action.

Several steps can help.

Keep accurate records.

You will often realize that the mistake that seems so overwhelming isn’t that important. If your records show that you’re up or down hundreds (or thousands) of big blinds for the past month or year, this mistake’s costs become much less important.

Do a cost-benefit analysis.

Although those costs are not that important, you do need to understand and accept them. Frequently, the largest costs are not the pot or bets you just lost; they are the mistakes you make on later hands or other decisions (such as stay or quit). If you truly understand all the costs of being emotional and all the benefits of regaining your balance, you’ll have an additional incentive to concentrate on now.

This advice may seem to contradict the first point, but it’s really derived from it. Your goal should be to maintain a detached, long-term perspective, and the more information you consider, the better.

Analyze why it happened.

While playing, I write many notes about my own play. Every so often I review them at the computer and look for patterns.
• Am I making the same kinds of mistakes?
• When do they occur?
• Why am I making them?

This process shifts me from blaming mode, which is emotional and counter-productive, to analytic mode, which is dispassionate and productive. Mistakes then become learning opportunities.

Read Zen and the Art of Poker.

The techniques it describes will help you to calm yourself and focus your attention on now.

Take a walk.

If you’re not focusing on the current action because you’re thinking about a past mistake, get up. I do it so often that I’ve got a nickname, “Al, the Walker.” Walking helps me in many ways.

1. It gets me away from the table, so I can’t do anything stupid.
2. It gives me exercise, which is essential, both physically and mentally.
3. It helps me to calm down.
4. It aids that analytic process. Instead of trying to analyze why I made a mistake AND play a hand, I focus all my attention on analyzing that mistake, my overall play, and my state of mind. I often dictate notes while walking.

Call someone you trust.

I have several “poker buddies” and have started two poker discussion groups. We talk frequently about hands, strategies, mistakes, good plays, and so on. If I’ve made a serious mistake, I may call one of them. Perhaps he will just listen to me. Perhaps he will give me some advice. Regardless of what he does, talking to him helps me to regain my balance.

If you’re really off balance, quit IMMEDIATELY.

If you can’t stop obsessing about a mistake, if you’re making additional mistakes because you’re distracted, continuing to play is really stupid. There will always be another poker game. So save your money for a better opportunity.

That’s enough for now. I just want to get the discussion going. I hope that John and other people comment on this answer. Please feel free to disagree with my answer or add to it. The wider and more open the discussion becomes, the more all of us (including me) will gain.

If you have a different question, email [email protected].

P.S. I’m not here to argue about Stu Ungar (or anything else). My first blog very clearly stated my purpose: to help readers to understand and apply psychology. If you believe that my opinion about anything destroys my credibility as a psychologist, there is only one intelligent thing to do: spend your time more productively someplace else.