Paddy's Corner

Penalties for Better or for Worse

The first time I witnessed a penalty in a poker game was in Trinity College, Dublin, in the late 1970s. I was pretty naïve at the time, and when, for weeks on end, a particular player in a draw poker game had three aces on his own deal, time after time, I thought he was just a lucky bastard. Apparently, he wasn't. This just shows how dumb I was. All good things come to an end, and eventually, one day, just after this guy had dealt, he was given a choice by a couple of players in the game. He could either leave his money on the table and walk down the stairs or have his hand turned over and if it contained three aces, he could leave his money on the table and be thrown over the balcony. I was just in the middle of saying, "You can't do that!" (we were three floors up) when, to my amazement, the guy chose the first option. Now, that's what I call a penalty, though after they'd had a few pints, a few of the losers in the game said they would have been much happier if he'd gone for the second option.

The next penalty I got to see was in the Eccentric Club. One of Terry Rogers' rules was that you couldn't borrow or lend money on the premises. There was no penalty for the borrower, but the lender faced a 12-month suspension. There were thousands of pounds flying all around the place, so in reality the rule was, "Don't get caught." And nobody did, until one day, when Terry lent a guy a few hundred, forgetting his own rule. So, he had to suspend himself. That's the Irish for you.

I played poker for years in games in which a quiet word in the ear of a loud drunk was usually enough to keep things running smoothly. Then, along came American TV and directors who preferred jerks to poker players, with predictable consequences. The result was that a series of penalties had to be brought into the game, which was a good idea, except in 90 percent of the cases I've seen, the penalty was a joke, either because it was meaningless or imposed blindly following the letter rather than the spirit of the law, while much worse offences went unpunished.

I have to admit, I've received three penalties in America; all were meaningless, and two were a complete joke. The first was when I used the f-word when trying to defend a dealer from a couple of guys who were dishing out genuine abuse in his direction. So, the dealer reported me, and I was penalised. I had zillions of chips at the time and was 10 minutes late coming back from my penalty, as Kevin O'Connell was in the bar at the time. I got my second penalty a few hours later when I tossed in my cards and one of them bounced onto the floor. We were having a great laugh at the table, and every single player told the tournament director it was a complete accident. That was a waste of time, and as I had about half the chips at the table, the penalty probably hurt the other guys way more than it hurt me, especially as I came back late again. The only other penalty I got was when I made a bad choice of adjective when describing a floorman's decision. As I had three antes left, it wasn't life-changing.

On the other hand, a stupid penalty at a vital time can knock a guy out of the World Series of Poker. A couple of years ago, a very pleasant English player was on the phone during the deal. The dealer told him his hand was dead, and he immediately apologised. That's the English for you. He asked if he could look at his hand anyway, and when he was told he could, he inadvertently used the f-word as he laughingly threw them in. That was the end of his World Series.

The same day, some other poor guy got out-raced in a huge pot and had the misfortune to swear quietly to himself. The guy who won the pot reported him, and although several guys at the table swore they'd heard nothing, he got a penalty anyway, which he could ill afford. Another man down - down but not out. He reappeared half an hour after he got knocked out with two bottles of top-shelf vodka. He placed them on the table and announced that whoever knocked the snitch out could have them. There was a little justice. They were claimed before the bubble.

Padraig Parkinson is well-known on the European poker scene, both for his poker prowess and sense of humour. He was one bluff away from winning the 1999 World Series of Poker, but unfortunately got called.