The Rules Guy -- How To Conduct Yourself At The Poker Table

Most players learn poker’s explicit rules pretty quickly: the “one-chip rule,” for example, or “verbal declarations are binding.” But not everyone seems to have digested the game’s vast book of unwritten rules, admonitions like “don’t berate other players (particularly bad ones)” or “say ‘nice hand’ even when you mean something entirely different.”

Enter “The Rules Guy.” TRG believes that civility and sportsmanship are never wrong, and that bad behavior (even when you’re simply trying to get an edge) is bad for the game. Have you got a question about how to conduct yourself at the poker table? Email TRG at [email protected].

To Get Respect, Show Respect

Dear The Rules Guy:

Sometimes, I’ll do things I know are crossing the line — but not too much. Like, I might keep a really dirty stack or “forget” to post my blinds and antes; obviously, I know better, but I do it because it drives some of the nits nutty and sometimes I can get them to tilt a little in their effort to felt me. Therefore, I think this kind of minor “rule breaking” can be a positive EV move. What do you think?

— A Tiltboy

Dear Tiltboy:

Just so The Rules Guy is understanding your question: You know that what you’re doing is bad, but you believe (a) that it’s not too bad and (b) that it gives you a slight edge. And therefore you want TRG to give you permission to break the rules?
As the cool kids on the Internet say today: NFW.

Just because something is a little bit bad — and having a dirty stack is the kind of minor infraction that would clearly fall into the category of a “little bit bad” — doesn’t make it right. (Even a rules nit like TRG has been known to have a dirty stack, on those increasingly rare occasions when he has enough chips of varying denominations to warrant a little stack-cleaning. The haphazard stack feels luxurious — but TRG neatens it up pronto.) And, obviously, you won’t get away with “forgetting” to post your blinds and antes for very long; most dealers will stop, or slow down, the pitching if the blinds and antes aren’t right. (And honestly, don’t you feel sorry for the poor dealer who has to remind someone for the third or fourth time, “Small blind, please, sir”?)

TRG will concede that these are trivial actions, but what you’re doing is a form of angle shooting. Agreed, you’re not really breaking the rules, but you are exploiting them in order to take advantage of someone who’s on a short fuse, is losing badly, or is, like TRG, a bit of rules nit. You’re trying to encourage tilt.

And you might well say, “Exactly! Encouraging tilt is a part of poker strategy.” And TRG would say, “If you can needle a player into making a bad call or an ill-timed bluff, go for it. But don’t do so at the expense of the rest of the table.”

You may have a specific target in mind, but your actions affect the entire table. Every time the dealer has to pause and request your blinds, every time that counting your chips out takes an extra 20 seconds because your stack is messy, you slow the game down for everyone. Let’s say the collective impact of your transgressions is one less hand per hour (and if you add in everyone’s collective cluelessness, it’s surely more than that). Maybe the pain is spread equally and no one really suffers — but it’s still pain, and there will be players who feel that pain, sometimes acutely.

And at a more philosophical level, do you want to win by being an ass? By being annoying to the point you can get someone to want revenge? Very unsporting. Reasonable people can disagree about what’s fair in poker, but TRG wants to believe that treating people and the game with a certain degree of respect is simply the right thing to do.

It’s the weakest and most clueless players who are obviously disrespectful, the ones who refer to opponents as “donkeys” (to their face) or use that drippingly sarcastic tone to say “Nice hand sir” or “Good call, buddy.” But respect has a lot of trivial components that every poker player should adhere to: Keep the game running smoothly.

Post your blinds promptly and in the correct denomination when possible. Keep your stacks neat, with the large-denomination chips in front and clearly visible. Don’t slow-roll, slow-fold, or slow-call. Don’t muck your cards in a flamboyant, disgusted, or petulant way. Don’t stare off into space for 30 seconds as if you’ve forgotten you’ve got cards. And don’t “help” the dealer by counting or moving the button, unless a mistake is about to happen.

Remember, too, that sometimes players are new to the game and clueless in a very forgivable sense. Newbies deserve immense slack. If you’re sitting next to one, help him or her with the mechanics in a neighborly way, or ask the dealer to (a good dealer should help without prompting).

The quest for edge — for positive EV — is what inspires people to learn how to play better or create new ways to play — but angle shooting should not be a strategy. If your game depends on it, you’ve really got no game at all.

Down For the Count

Dear The Rules Guy:

Like a lot of tournament players, I like to turn up the aggression once antes kick in and, if I am successful, I usually have tons of small denomination chips. I think a lot of ante chips can be usefully misleading: shoving in a few stacks can (I think) intimidate people from calling. So I don’t like it when someone is contemplating a call and someone else helpfully chimes in with an estimated amount. What’s the etiquette here?

— B

Dear B:

TRG likes your thinking, and TRG vows to try for the small-chip/big-stack intimidation-thing if he ever wins a pot once the antes kick in. And TRG has very strong opinions about bet counting, both from rules and strategy perspectives.

First, if you are the raiser, you’re under no obligation to volunteer a count. If someone wants a count, let the dealer do it. Clearly, there are situations when you might want to emphasize the amount (like if the stack feels small and you want a fold). In your situation, you want your towers to represent strength, so you’re probably not going to say “three stacks of the smallest chips in play, which translates into a smallish bet I’m hoping you won’t call.” Push them in and let the towers do the talking.

Now, what about the players still to act? First and foremost: Don’t count for the player or the dealer. Scenario: Player raises all-in. Player is contemplating a call when someone says, “Looks like $4,200.” Player calls based on that amount. Actual bet is $6,200 but caller has to call (verbal actions are binding), then sucks out with an inferior hand. Disaster for the raiser that might have been averted if the dealer had counted the chips.

Second and possibly even more important: Don’t ask for a count until it’s your turn to act. Scenario: under the gun (UTG) raises and UTG plus one is contemplating a call when the hijack pipes in, “How much is that?” The hijack may be shooting an angle (like trying to encourage a call or preempt a raise) — clearly a breach of rules and etiquette — and even if it’s a genuine question, it gives way too much information to the players in between.

When it’s your turn to act, you can ask for a count, of course — but don’t do it as a stalling tactic and don’t do it as a form of face-saving hollywooding (you’ve got a routine fold, but you want to look serious, so you ask for a count).

Comments? Questions? Behavioral issues? Email TRG at [email protected].

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