A Poker Introspective

"It may be that all games are silly. But, then, so are human beings."

- Robert Lynd

It has been said that poker is a metaphor for life. Like life, poker is a mix of risks and rewards, of setbacks and triumphs, of ability and luck. In poker, we sometimes struggle more against ourselves than against our opponents – just as we do in life. In poker, the secret to success is often to be found in how we respond to failure. Like the game of life, poker comes with heightened expectations followed by dashed hopes, with come-from-behind victories and fall-from-ahead defeats. Along the way, we can learn a lot about ourselves, as well as about others. We encounter the best in people and the very worst. We witness courage and fortitude, intelligence and discipline, daring and style. On the dark side, we see envy and blame, ignorance and superstition, desperation and despair. We learn what people are like when they're winning, and we discover what they can become, as the appropriate metaphor goes, "when the chips are down."

Poker is a game of incomplete information, like virtually all of life. It offers many different measures of success; as in life, it depends on your goals. By the same token, there are many approaches that lead to success – and even more that lead to failure. Poker confronts us with dilemmas that reflect the larger ones we face in life. For instance, we tell ourselves to take charge of our lives and control our own destinies, yet at times we bite down hard on the notion that such attempts at control are too result-oriented, and if we wish to succeed, we must get out of our own way and allow success to come to us. These two philosophies seem to conflict, and it's easy to become overwhelmed by their apparent contradiction. So, we search for a balance: a dash of iron will, a pinch of go with the flow; a little control here, a little zen there. Or, is it … a little control there and a little zen here? Negotiating our way between these comings and goings can be all the more confusing, and timing becomes a crucial, even pivotal, factor – which only adds to the challenge. Isn't it the same in poker? In the cardroom, every one of us has had days when our decisions all seemed to be right, yet our timing was all wrong. We zigged when we should have zagged, as we sometimes do, well, in life.

In life, we gain knowledge by reading, and by reflecting on what we've read. We gain insight by watching, and by analyzing what we've seen. We gain wisdom by noting the ways in which similar things are different – and different things similar. Obviously, it's the same with poker. Life is about choices and decisions; ditto poker. Our first and most basic choice at the poker table is the level of attention that we bring with us. There is so much to see, but we must choose to see it. Information dwells everywhere, waiting to be discovered. A hitch or a twitch can speak volumes about the strength of a player's hand – or it can mean nothing at all. A furtive glance can be an important clue, but to what? A nut flush or a physical attraction? I once fell in love over the hint of a smile from a blond stranger across the poker table. It was the slightest, briefest, most subtle smile you can imagine – but the biggest tell I ever spotted. I couldn't get my chips into that pot fast enough.

Some folks say that life is about the journey rather than the destination. In other words, it's all about the process. Poker teaches us that the subprocesses of losing are an integral part of the overall process of winning. But even though the lesson is there waiting to be learned, it's still up to us to learn it. Even then, learning it and accepting it remain two separate acts. The second one empowers us. It enables us to run cold for long periods, to endure missed draws when the pots are large – and suffer horrible beats when they're enormous. But when we embrace the entire process, our equilibrium is strengthened, which leads to grace under fire. We can suffer indignities with dignity. Such poise leads back to winning, and such command, to mastery. Over the course of a poker lifetime, a player thus armed will experience many disappointments, but few regrets.

Likewise, while goals and values are important in life, some are clearly more important than others; in order to keep things in perspective, then, we need a hierarchy of goals and values to which we can refer. And the same surely can be said about poker. For example, a young player asked me recently from quite out of the blue: Which is more important, playing with integrity or being a winner?

I could say that it's not an either-or question. I could insist that we define our terms, and point out that before it can be answered, the question's premises need to be clarified. But why split hairs? At this moment, in this context, such analyzing would seem quibbling and prosaic – at least it would to me. So, I'll leave you, gentle reader, with this simple, heartfelt answer, the same one I offered to my young questioner: For my money, in choosing to strive for the former, one has already achieved the latter – just as in life.