Would You Bust Your Own Grandmother? - Part II - March to the beat of your own drummer

Part I of this column was based on Jack Straus' famous quotation, "I'd bust my own grandmother if she played poker with me." ("Bust" does not mean knocking her out of a $5 tournament; it means taking every penny she has.) Many people agree with his position.

Some players want to maximize their profits, while others value the "spirit of the game." They believe the following:

• Poker is and should be a ruthless, take-no-prisoners "war."

• Soft-playing is almost "unethical."

• Jack Straus described the only right way to play.

Their ruthless commitment to winning gives them a huge competitive edge. Part I ended with a warning: If you are not driven to win, and you play against equally talented but much more ruthless competitors, you will lose.

Several live and online discussions indicate that many people don't care about losing money by being gentle. They will not bust their grandmothers and various other people, such as close friends, beginners, helpless drunks, gambling addicts, and visually impaired people.

This column will discuss these feelings' effects on cash games, not tournaments, and will discuss only feelings that reduce profits. They are rarely considered, because poker writers seem to assume that everyone wants (or should want) to maximize profits.

Family Feelings

Jack Straus used colorful language to make a point: Everybody should be attacked ruthlessly. He chose her as a symbol because grandmothers are so respected, and we are taught from birth to be nice to them. Many people, probably most, are not willing to bust their grandmothers or other close relatives. They value their families much more than profits or poker's ruthlessly competitive ethos.

Despite recognizing the legitimacy of Straus' position, I believe that openly supporting it is bad for poker's image. Poker is a macho and predatory game, but many, many people do not think that winning is more important than family loyalty. Such ultramacho statements give ammunition to the extremists who want to outlaw or restrict our game, and they certainly slow down our quest for respectability.

Guilt, Shame, And Ethical Inhibitions

Some people have stated that they would feel guilty or ashamed if they acted too ruthlessly, especially against friends or people who can't protect themselves. They don't want to be predators, preying on the weak. The strength of these inhibitions often depends upon the closeness of the relationship and the causes for helplessness. The closer people are, and the less control they have over their vulnerability, the more inhibited some people feel about busting them.

Many people are concerned about "fairness," and it depends upon how responsible others are for their weaknesses. For example, many people think it is unfair to exploit someone who clearly doesn't understand what is happening because of inexperience, mental retardation, or senility.

A beginner could learn to play, but mentally challenged people are almost helpless; so are visually impaired people who can't see the cards clearly. People with vision or mental problems probably should not play, but some people are still reluctant to take advantage of them.

Hardly anyone felt inhibited about exploiting drunks because they chose to drink too much. Therefore, most people would gladly take a drunk's last chips and hope he bought more, but some of them would soft-play beginners or mentally/visually impaired people or urge them to leave the game.

Attitudes toward compulsive gamblers were somewhere in the middle. People would be harder on them than on beginners and mentally/visually impaired people, but not as tough as they would be on drunks. First, you can't be sure that someone is a compulsive gambler. Second, many people regard compulsive gamblers as responsible for their addiction.

Some people are much more willing to bust college students than older people – especially ones who remind them of their own parents or grandparents. Of course, the opposite pattern occasionally occurs: Some people are gentler toward young people than older ones.

Inhibitions also depend on economic perceptions. Some people will gladly bust a wealthy person, but be softer on a working one. They don't want to deprive the worker's family, but believe that the wealthy person can afford the loss.

Social Motives

Many people play poker to socialize, especially in small games. Poker is just a pleasant way to spend a few hours, have a few laughs, and perhaps have some drinks. If they win, great. If they lose, but have a good time, they don't really care. Trying to bust others could destroy this social atmosphere.

These players take many negative expected value (EV) actions, such as refusing to check-raise and not betting on the river. They care more about preserving the "party" atmosphere than winning.

Sex

Some men won't bust a woman, especially a pretty one. Some women take advantage of this attitude by flirting or appearing weak and vulnerable. A few males use female handles online to create that image and reaction. A bearded, 50-year-old man may call himself "Jeanie23" to create a young woman's image, and some men will soft-play him.

Although women are generally less ruthless, they are less likely to change their style to please a man. First, there are so many male players that soft-playing all of them would drastically harm a woman's results. Second, women are less easily manipulated by sex than men.

Lack Of Challenge

Many players value the thrill of outsmarting good players more than the money they can win from bad ones. They may play their best against tough players, but take it easy on weaker ones. They also may play in tougher games than they can handle. For example, some good players lose a bundle in Las Vegas, but come back again and again. They want to test themselves against stronger players, even if it costs them a lot of money.

They want to get their competitive juices flowing, and beating weak players doesn't do it. In fact, if winning is too easy, the game may be no fun at all. Busting a weak player is like shooting fish in a barrel. Unless you're very hungry, why bother?

You Should Understand Everyone's Position

Because nobody has polled a representative sample of poker players, I can't say how many people agree with these positions. However, I am sure that lots of people would not bust their grandmothers and various other people.I also believe that poker players and writers should not ignore these noncompetitive motives. No matter what anyone says, most people are not totally committed to maximizing their profits. Perhaps they should be, perhaps not, but we must deal with people as they are, not as we think they should be.

To get the largest benefits – both financial and nonfinancial – from poker, you must set aside preconceptions about what people should do. Instead, try to understand:

• Your own motives, inhibitions, and attitudes

• The other players' motives, inhibitions, and attitudes

Your own drives can create competitive advantages or disadvantages, and you must understand them. Otherwise, you probably can't reach your real goals.

Other people's drives dramatically affect the way they play and the optimal strategy to use against them. If you foolishly assume that others have the same motives, inhibitions, and attitudes that you have, you will certainly make many avoidable mistakes.

Final Remarks

People can make good arguments for either position:

• You should bust anyone.

• You should not bust certain kinds of people.

Who is right? I don't know, and neither do you, but insisting that there is only one correct way to think and act is arrogant nonsense. The hard-liners' position is right for them because it matches their personal values and beliefs, but they are flat-out wrong when they insist that it is the only way to play.

You should act in ways that fit your own values. Don't let anyone tell you: My way is the only way. If you sincerely believe that poker should be a take-no-prisoners war, don't let anyone lay a guilt trip on you. Do whatever the rules allow to maximize your profits.

If you value other things more than winning, or if you would feel guilty or ashamed if you were too ruthless toward some people, don't let others force their views on you. You aren't a wimp. When it comes to being ruthless, don't be afraid to march to the beat of your own drummer.

Part I of this series can be found at www.CardPlayer.com.