Great Poker Movie Quotes

Many great poker movies have been released over the years, containing many memorable quotes.



What some consider the best poker movie of all time, The Cincinnati Kid, contains several that you might want to casually drop at your next playing session.



After Lancey Howard ("The Man") busts the Kid by catching an inside straight flush on the last card of a five-card stud hand, he says, "Gets down to what it's all about, doesn't it? Making the wrong move at the right time."

The Kid, Eric Stoner, says, "Is that what it's all about?"



Howard responds, "Like life, I guess. You're good, kid, but as long as I'm around, you're second best. You might as well learn to live with it."



Earlier, Slade, the rich Southerner who wants to take down The Man for having humiliated him in a prior private session, tries to convince The Kid to accept a little "help" (in the form of winning hands dealt to him by a cheating dealer). The Kid, while being treated to a first-class dinner in Slade's hotel room, explains that he wants to play on his own, and Slade explains why he finds that inadvisable. Meanwhile, Slade's muscle-bound bodyguard bars the door with his considerable presence. The Kid responds to Slade's words, "You call that an argument?"



Slade replies, "No, that's a fact. The argument's leaning over there against the doorjamb."



In that session that proved so expensive for Slade, Howard makes an excellent read on Slade that enables The Man to make a large bet without having a particularly strong hand. After calling, and losing the pot, Slade demands, "How the hell did you know I didn't have the king or the ace?"



Howard replies, "I recollect a young man putting the same question to Eddie the Dude. 'Son,' Eddie told him, 'all you paid was the looking price. Lessons are extra.'"



At the end of the disastrous session, this conversation takes place. Slade asks the dealer, "Six stacks, is that right, Shooter?"



Shooter says, "Six."



"Well," says Slade, "we've been playing 30 hours … uh, at that rate, $6,000, that makes roughly, uh, $200 an hour. Thank you for the entertainment, gentlemen. I am particularly grateful to Lancey, here; it's been a rewarding experience to watch a great artist at work. Thank you for the privilege, sir."



And Howard responds to the veiled sarcasm, "Well now, you're quite welcome, son. It's a pleasure to meet someone who understands that to the true gambler, money is never an end in itself; it's simply a tool, as language is to thought. Good evening, uh, Mr. Slade."



And why did The Kid challenge the world's best stud player in the first place? He tells his girlfriend, "Listen, Christian, after the game, I'll be The Man. I'll be the best there is. People will sit down at the table with me, just so they can say they played with The Man. And that's what I'm gonna be, Christian."



Everyone knows the famous cheat-the-cheaters poker scene from The Sting. Doyle Lonnegan is going to take Henry Gondorff in a big hand with his four nines when Gondorff has been dealt a worse four of a kind. Somehow, when all the betting is over and Lonnegan has committed his considerable bankroll, Gondorff shows down not the cards the cheating dealer gave him, but four jacks. Later, that dealer protests to Lonnegan, "Doyle, I know I gave him four threes. He had to make a switch. We can't let him get away with that."



Lonnegan replies, "What was I supposed to do – call him for cheating better than me, in front of the others?"



Mike, the main character in David Mamet's great House of Games, a movie about misrepresentation and games within games, offers good advice to poker players: "You can't bluff someone who's not paying attention."



In the big screen's Maverick (1994), when the title character sits down to play, he says, "Well now, I bring all sorts of pluses to the table. I hardly ever bluff and I never ever cheat."



Regarding well-known quotes, Maverick tries one. "My old pappy always used to say, 'There is no more deeply satisfying religious experience than cheatin' on a cheater.'"



Zane Cooper butts in, "I never said that once. You've been misquoting me all your life."



In Honeymoon in Vegas, an otherwise good movie that unfortunately contains unbelievable poker action, the hero, Jack Singer, loses with a straight flush, not realizing that he has been cheated. He tries to explain to his fiancée, who turns out to have been the stake in the game, "Do you know what a straight flush is? It's like … unbeatable."



She replies, "Like unbeatable is not unbeatable."



He admits, "Hey, I know that now, OK."



Dean Martin as Little John, in the Rat Pack movie Robin and the 7 Hoods, tells what to do when they're getting the best of you: "When your opponent's sittin' there holding all aces, there's only one thing left to do: Kick over the table."



You've all seen the famous photograph of W. C. Fields in his top hat, impeccable coat, and white gloves holding a poker hand. The scene is from My Little Chickadee, in which he starred with Mae West. The accompanying conversation is a classic. Cousin Zeb, a rube who wants to join the game, asks, "Uh, is this a game of chance?"



Fields, as Cuthbert J. Twillie, responds, "Not the way I play it, no."



In the 2001 remake of Ocean's Eleven, Brad Pitt as Rusty tries to teach draw poker to a beginner: "Shane, you've got three pairs. You can't have six cards! You can't have six cards in a five-card game!" To another player, Rusty says,



"Barry, your turn."



Barry replies, "Uh, four."



Rusty says, "You don't want four. You want to fold."



Barry: "I do? Is that a good thing?"



And here's a great exchange from The Odd Couple (1968):



Roy: "I told you you'd get into trouble. It's because you don't know how to manage anything. I should know – I'm your accountant."



Oscar Madison: "If you're my accountant, how come I need money?"



Roy: "If you need money, how come you play poker?"



Oscar: "'Cause I need money."



Roy: "But you always lose."



Oscar: "That's why I need the money."



Roy: "Then don't play poker."



Oscar: "Then don't come to my house and eat my potato chips."

Look for Michael Wiesenberg's The Ultimate Casino Guide (retitled from 1,000 Best Casinos) in the fall. Send quibbles, queries, and questions to [email protected].