The Poker Cynic

Poker's become TV's new wrestling – a series of meaningless, dull contests that only the sponsors really enjoy, and the winners, of course. The audience, well, I guess we will watch whatever the broadcasters deign to screen.



The sixhanded one-table satellite, in which the players all face forward, thus killing all normal interaction, is a very uninspiring spectator sport. There are only a couple of notable exceptions. I watched one show recently in which the entry fee was $120,000 per player on a sevenhanded table, with $160,000 added by the sponsor. To be fair, this was a lot more interesting than normal, but they played around a normal-shaped table, they were playing for a small fortune, and they were all very good players. Well, Phil Hellmuth said he was a good player, but I think it was a bluff. Everyone seems scared to take a risk with a new format for a TV programme, but I live in hope.



My broadband went down recently and it took an amazing battle of self-control to suppress the rising feeling of panic that highlighted my unhealthy dependence on the computer. A few deep breaths … and I remembered the world outside, and took comfort from the fact that I could go and play live poker with real people, and leave the online world behind.



I got a postcard today from an intrepid gambler currently staying at the fabulous Bellagio, which has inspired me to attempt the pilgrimage myself this year. As the last remaining poker player alive not to have visited Las Vegas, I guess I should make the effort. Fear of flying has been my most consistent excuse, but a few Valium should overcome that difficulty. Maybe when they have that series of tournaments in April would be a good time, and the World Series. The excuse that I don't need to travel to play poker anymore is wearing a bit thin. I think I should contribute my fair share of tournament entrance fees this year, so let's hope I don't go broke first. The opportunity to play a whole series of tournaments whilst fulfilling my obligations as a poker adherent seems too good to pass up.

Ashley Alterman is a British professional poker player.