Part I discussed that emotional control is essential for playing well and that many people don't pay enough attention to it. Part II described a system for taking your emotional temperature. This final column discusses ways to increase control over emotions and their negative effects.
General Principles
First and most important,
become fully aware of your emotions and the way they affect you. Without awareness, you can't control them.
Second,
do whatever will directly change your feelings. Psychotherapists, physicians, gurus, and other authorities have developed many methods. For example, just talking about your feelings will increase your awareness and relieve emotional pressure. Psychotherapists have cured phobias (irrational fears) by teaching people how to relax in frightening situations.
You can't be both frightened and relaxed, nor can you laugh and stay angry or fearful. If you can find something funny in a situation and laugh at it, your fear or anger will decrease or disappear.
My new book,
Your Worst Poker Enemy, Larry Phillips'
Zen and the Art of Poker, and Tommy Angelo's
Elements of Poker emphasize controlling emotions at the table. The "Psychology" and "Self-Help" sections of libraries and bookstores have many non-poker books that can help you. Check out Chris Prentiss'
Zen and the Art of Happiness and Roy Baumeister and Kathleen Vohs' (editors)
Handbook of Self-Regulation: Research, Theory, and Applications for two extremely different approaches.
Third,
think positively. Because your thoughts greatly influence your feelings, analyze your thoughts and their effects. Then learn - by trial and error - how to change negative thoughts to positive ones, and your feelings will follow.
Positive thinking includes looking forward rather than backward. Instead of dwelling on the bad beats, losses, or other things that bother you, set goals and make plans to reach them. Goals and plans can keep your focus positive and prevent you from acting impulsively.
Positive thinking also includes looking at the larger picture and emphasizing its positive elements. The bad beat or large loss you just took may seem unbearable until you compare it to the chips you have left, the total amount you have won this year, or the amount of money you have in the bank. And no loss is nearly as important as your health, family, or job.
Keeping your setbacks in perspective by remaining positive increases emotional control. Thinking positively and retaining your perspective are often difficult, especially when things are going badly, but that's the time you most need them, to prevent deterioration in your play.
Emotional control techniques must be tempered by realism. They can't change the cards you get, but they can help you to play them better. And positive thinking will not enable you to beat superior players.
Before Playing
Emotional control techniques can be used both before and while playing. My co-author, Preston Oade, used them to cope with a severe frustration. He once played until 3:30 a.m. to make a tournament's final table, but was so keyed up that he didn't get to sleep until 6:30 a.m. After being awakened by a 9:30 a.m. telephone call from a friend who should have known better, he could not get back to sleep before the final table began at 3 p.m.
He recognized that he was mad at his friend and resolved that the call was not an acceptable excuse for losing. So, he took the following steps:
• He accepted that he was angry.
• He realized that being tired and angry gave him an excuse for losing, and he had someone to blame if he lost.
• He refused to indulge himself by being upset, and decided, "Get over it!"
• He took his usual walk to relieve the stress and develop a plan for the final table.
• He decided that excuses for losing not only were unacceptable, but could cause him to play badly.
• He decided that other final-table players probably didn't sleep well, or had their own excuses for losing.
• He forced the negative thoughts from his mind by replacing them with positive thoughts about how he was going to win.
• He didn't tell anyone he was tired and didn't sleep well. Telling people would have given in to these negative thoughts and feelings and increased their power.
• He resolved to play well and win, tired or not.
• He took first place and won $152,000.
While Playing
We once watched a televised tournament player who used pictures of his family to reduce negative feelings. Unfortunately, we can't remember his name, but his story was certainly memorable. Because his daughter became ill just before the tournament, he was going to withdraw. But, his wife insisted that he should play because the doctors were taking care of their daughter.
During the tournament, the television commentators noticed that he often looked at a picture of his wife and daughter. When he finally busted out after winning some serious money, they asked him why he had looked at the picture so often. He said that whenever something bad happened at the table, just looking at that photo changed his feelings from bad to good, giving him the calmness and focus he needed to play well.
More recently, Jerry Yang frequently kissed a picture of his family during the 2007
World Series of Poker main event. We don't know his exact reasons, but it must have helped, since he won the championship. It probably helped him to maintain focus, perspective, and emotional control.
Looking at photos of your loved ones may not do anything for you, but
something will work. You
can control your feelings by controlling your thoughts. Since you can't play your best while feeling bad, try various control techniques until you find ones that work for you.
Conclusions
As you become more aware of your negative or troublesome emotions, work on changing or directly reducing them. Think positively, and you will trump your negative feelings and prevent tilt. And your positive thoughts will often become self-fulfilling prophecies. You will act more confidently and decisively, your opponents will show you more respect, and your results will improve.
These columns have discussed an important but neglected subject. Poker writers generally have concentrated on how to play and ignored the emotional and other factors that prevent you, me, and everyone else from playing our A-game. To play your best more often, you must understand your emotions and learn how to control them.
Preston Oade, my co-author ([email protected]), often monitors and documents his emotions before and while playing and relates them to how well he plays.
