Scouting Cyprus

The Merit Casinos group decided to get into poker recently, and when these guys make a decision to do something, they don’t mess around. They brought in experts from the U.S. to train dozens of dealers and put beautiful cardrooms into several of their many locations. If that wasn’t enough, to kick it all off with a bang, they will be hosting a first-ever World Poker Tour (WPT) event in Cyprus.

To make sure that things were up to par, as well as to spread the word among Americans, the Merit group flew a group of American poker players over to check things out. I was lucky enough to be among those invited, and was thrilled. I had never been to Greece, Turkey, or Cyprus, so I was killing three birds with one trip.

I had no idea how long the trip would take. I thought the days of traveling 24 hours, as I did 20 years ago to get to Australia, were over. Boy, was I wrong. We first had to fly to L.A., then London, then Southern Cyprus, and then drive to Northern Cyprus, where the casinos are located. All of this took just under 24 hours.

One of the reasons it takes so long is that no country except Turkey will fly into Northern Cyprus. I’ll give you a very brief history lesson.
Cyprus is actually two countries — well, kind of. You see, decades ago, Cyprus was one united country, made up mostly of Greeks, with about 20 percent Turks mixed in. The Turks and the Greeks make the Jews and the Arabs look like the best of friends. There was much tension, with outbursts of violence from time to time.

In 1974, Turkey invaded northern Cyprus and kicked out all of the Greeks who were living there. The Greeks to the south did the same, kicking out all of the Turks; so, the island unofficially became two countries, with a NATO force in the middle to keep the peace. By the way, this is no small affair, as Turkey has 40,000 troops on the island, and Britain almost invaded to repel the Turks. (Cyprus was once a British colony.)

So now, as a result, no one recognizes the Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus except, obviously, Turkey. And since no one but Turkey recognizes them, no one but Turkey will fly there. So, there is an extra hour-and-a-half to two-hour drive involved in getting to the north.

After all of this, a Turkish guy I made friends with explained that we could have just flown into Istanbul from Los Angeles, then straight into Northern Cyprus. Remind me to thank my friend Michael, who made our reservations. I have a vertebrae with his name on it.

Anyway, after all of this traveling (and a good night’s rest), I was pleasantly surprised at what awaited us. The sun shines an amazing 340 days a year there! You’re probably asking yourself that since I live in Vegas, don’t I get enough sun there? Well, yes and no. There’s a big difference between basking in the glow and dancing on the surface of the sun.

Cyprus has just enough sun, but not too much. Our hotel, the Crystal Cove Hotel and Casino, was right on the beach. The Mediterranean was chilly in April, but not so much that I couldn’t stand a little three-hour swim.

After beach time, the casino had an amazing lunch buffet. Now you’re probably asking yourself: Todd, you live in Vegas; don’t you get enough of buffets there? (And don’t insert your own freakin’ fat jokes here!) The answer is yes. Vegas has nice buffets, but not too many vegetables — and they are swimming in butter, grease, heavy cream, or God knows what else.

In Cyprus, all of the vegetables are fresh and organic. (We weren’t technically in the EU, but almost.) There was an entire long table with close to 50 different veggies. Most were fresh, but many were pickled or in some sort of light salad. The meats there won’t win any awards by American standards, but they weren’t bad, either.

As usual when in Europe, I ate much more than I usually do and still lost weight. Hmm. Can you say preservatives, additives, chemicals, growth hormones, pesticides, flavor enhancers, antibiotics, steroids, radiation? I mean, what in the hell does the FDA do in the U.S., anyway?

Let’s see. You’re applying to raise chickens here in the U.S., Mr. Giant Corporation? You want to feed these chickens bioengineered feed that has been treated with pesticides, then pump them full of growth hormones to make them grow faster, then antibiotics even if they are healthy to make sure that they don’t get sick, even though the growth hormones and antibiotics are stored in the chickens’ muscles, and then sell them to consumers to be eaten? Well, we can’t see anything wrong with that.

Huh?! They don’t see anything wrong with that?! Or, with fruits and vegetables that have their genetics manipulated like Frankenstein, then sprayed with pesticides, and then treated with radiation to make them last longer?

Does this sound like the FDA is protecting Americans? I suppose that they are protecting some Americans — the giant food companies that are putting all of this garbage out and making tons of profit. But they are supposed to be protecting the American consumer — you and me — not them.

Why is all of this OK in the U.S. and not in Europe? A better question is, why are Americans fat and Europeans fit? No, wait, that is the same question after all.

What was I talking about? Oh, yeah, Cyprus. Well, the FDA did it again. This time they made me burn up my column on a rant about their incompetence or collusion with the food companies, or whatever it is they do. I’ll get back to the beautiful island of Cyprus next time.