Mind Over Poker

I want you to answer a couple of poker questions as honestly as possible. Do you get more satisfaction from winning a pot with a bluff than winning with the best hand at showdown? Have you ever shown a bluff to an opponent who was getting under your skin purely to let him know that you beat him rather than for a true strategic purpose?

Now, let’s change gears. Recall the last big argument you had. It doesn’t have to be poker-related. It could have happened anywhere and with anybody. Take a minute to reflect on that argument. How did it start, and why did it escalate? I’m willing to bet that at some point, that argument became all about winning. That is, you forgot why the conversation started and what you were trying to accomplish, and instead directed all of your energy into winning an argument that neither side was going to concede.


What do these two scenarios have in common? They’re indicative of the strength of our innate competitive drive, which, left unchecked, can lead to self-destructive behavior. We all are wired to viciously compete in order to survive in this world. However, our basic survival needs have evolved dramatically over the centuries. Most of us are no longer fighting for food, water, and shelter on a daily basis. Instead, we are engaged in strategic battles in business or on the felt. The urge to pummel an opponent into oblivion is still real, but our objectives can no longer be accomplished by simple brute force.

There is a word to describe the condition of those poker players who become singularly focused on beating an opponent without any strategic thought or even simple awareness of the situation. It is called tilt. We all have been there to some degree or another. It represents a lack of self-control, whether it manifests itself in an obvious bluff or calling off one too many cards in hope of catching a miracle to beat an obnoxious opponent.

The underlying cause of tilt is a burning desire to win that is not properly channeled. In my new book, Compete, Play, Win: Finding Your Best Competitive Self, I go into great detail in describing the three types of competitors that exist in all of us. The most primitive competitor is what I call the Belligerent. That’s our inner beast, which not only wants to beat our opponent, but rub his nose in it. The Belligerent is an ego-fueled, reckless animal that wants to win at all costs, damned the consequences. We’ve all witnessed an inner Belligerent come to life at the poker table. It’s the guy who berates an opponent after being outdrawn, instead of encouraging his loose play. It’s the guy who has to tell everyone how smart he is in order to validate his worth. It’s the guy who shows a bluff to impress the table and rub his victim’s nose in it.

Poker is a very nuanced and strategic test of skill, desire, and wit. It is also paradoxical. On one hand, one must possess an unyielding desire to beat his opponents and exploit every possible edge. One can never let up or show any mercy. In that regard, we need to call upon our inner Belligerent.

However, that is never enough, for on the other hand, one must remain emotionally detached and completely objective. Decisions must be made to further one’s goal of making money, and not to feed the ego. Winning is accomplished through a steady grind of good decisions that maximize value and minimize losses. You may want to club some opponents over the head to put them on tilt. Others, you may want to encourage and nurture in order to keep them happy and consistently reaching for their wallets. However, those decisions should be made in an unemotional, objective way, and not out of an innate desire to pummel someone.

To become a successful competitor in all aspects of our lives, and especially at the poker table, we need to attain a more elevated state of competitiveness. The drive to win is a strong and powerful one that needs to be nurtured and channeled properly for maximum gain in today’s world. The steps to accomplishing this are way beyond the scope of this column, but can be found in Compete, Play, Win.

David Apostolico’s latest book — Compete, Play, Win — is a prescriptive guide to how you can channel your competitive drive for maximum gain. He can be reached at [email protected].