Narcissism and Poker — Part II

My last column discussed an exceptionally narcissistic young man and described some of the ways his narcissism hurts him. Wikipedia said, “‘narcissism’ often means inflated self-importance, inflated self-perception of abilities, egoism, vanity, conceit.” Like moths to a flame, narcissists are drawn to gambling. Their feelings of entitlement and superiority make poker a natural fit for their thinking. But at the poker table such traits can get you into a heap of trouble.

Narcissistic thinking, particularly if your game is poor, has numerous negative effects on your game. Not only will you make poor game and hand selection decisions, but you won’t strive to improve your game. After all, you’re not the problem; you genuinely think external factors are causing your losses. Denial may help your self-image, but it won’t help your poker game.

Handicapping your abilities against your opponents is crucial, not just when selecting games, but also when selecting your hands. If you overrate your ability to outplay your opponents, you’ll find yourself playing too loosely which can easily destroy your bankroll.

All poker players – including Al and I – have some narcissism, and we all need to recognize our weaknesses so we can adjust to realistic thinking.

So how do you address these deficiencies within yourself? First you need to take a hard cold look in the mirror (not to gaze adoringly at yourself though) and analyze yourself.

Are you performing to the level you think you should? If not, why? Are you really being objective about yourself? Do you rethink your plays after the hand? Were they really as good as you thought they were at the time? Do you even begin to think your losing might have anything to do with yourself? Do you admit to your mistakes? Do you make the effort to analyze and correct them? Do you learn and grow from your poker experiences?
Amazingly, many never seem to.

The questions in italics can help you to see how narcissistic you are, and the text after those questions can help you to understand the implications of your answers.
Do you think you play as well as your opponents, yet get much poorer results? If so, you probably focus too much on the times you’re unlucky and forget the lucky times. And you’re not being honest about yourself or them.

Do you blame bad luck for your disappointing results? That’s what that young man did. He was a losing player, but insisted that the only reason for his losses was bad luck. If you follow in his footsteps, you are probably too narcissistic.

Blaming bad luck is just, plain stupid. Cards are random, and over the long term you’ll have approximately the same luck as everyone else (no matter what you think). More importantly, you can’t do anything to change your luck, and focusing on it interferes with the only thing you can control, your own decisions. If you make enough good decisions, you will win. If you make enough bad decisions, you will lose. So stop focusing on your luck and concentrate on improving your decisions.

Do you complain about dealers? This correlates with finding external excuses. A dealer doesn’t control anybody’s cards. If he did, I certainly wouldn’t play with him. And criticizing dealers has the same effects as blaming bad luck. So knock it off. It’s you, not them.

Do you blame opponents’ mistakes? Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Your opponents’ bad play is not causing you to lose. It’s just another way of avoiding responsibility. If you are losing over time, the reason is within you! You’re not playing well enough to beat your opponents.

Focusing on luck, the dealers, your opponents’ mistakes and other externals can cause bad decisions. For example, you may change seats because you hope to improve your cards, but move to seats with poor position on other players. Your narcissism has altered your thinking to focus on your excuses rather than correct strategies.

Do you openly criticize other players? Narcissistic thinking causes you to put down other players as a means of elevating your own self-image. It’s even worse than blaming them in your own mind because it directly costs you money. Most of good players’ profits come – not from their own brilliance – but from their opponents’ mistakes.

Criticizing opponents hurts you in many ways. It can cause them and others to play better. It can even chase away the weakest players. They don’t want to be embarrassed. And it tells the stronger players how you think which helps them to read and adjust better to you. Furthermore it’s just classless!

Do you keep ACCURATE records of your results? If you don’t, you can easily deceive yourself about how well you’re doing. And, of course, you may not want to keep those records because you don’t want to know the truth. You’d rather lie to yourself.

Do you STUDY the poker literature? If not, you’re almost certainly narcissistic. You think you already know more than the poker authorities. Nearly every top pro studies because they know that nobody knows it all.

Do you have a “poker buddy?” If you don’t have one, you’re indirectly saying that you don’t want constructive criticism. We all need another pair of eyes to examine our play and plug our leaks. Most of the best players have one or more buddies. They regularly get together to discuss hands and strategy. It’s a great way to keep things based in reality.

Most pros have one or more buddies because they know they need another mental perspective to understand their play and plug their leaks. If you don’t discuss poker with other people, why aren’t you doing it? Do you think you’re so much smarter than the pros that you don’t need any help?

Get someone who will be brutally honest with you, someone who will tell you the truth, especially when you don’t want to hear it. The narcissism in you will take their criticisms as insults, but you have to overcome that reaction. You should welcome criticism because it will help you to become a better player. If you haven’t got a poker buddy, get one ASAP! ♠

Roy Cooke played poker professionally for 16 years prior to becoming a successful Las Vegas Real Estate Broker/Salesman in 1989. Should you wish to any information about Real Estate matters-including purchase, sale or mortgage his office number is 702-396-6575 or Roy’s e-mail is [email protected]. His website is www.roycooke.com. You can also find him on Facebook.