Do You Need a Poker Support Network?

If you just play for fun, you don’t need a support network, at least not for poker. If you’re serious about poker, you do, even if your results are financially irrelevant. Because serious players are so competitive, losing $200 can frustrate a millionaire almost as much as it would trouble you or me.

Machismo Is Your Enemy.

The need is so obvious that I wonder why everyone doesn’t build a network. There are at least two reasons. First, they don’t know how. My next column will give step by step directions. Second, poker is a macho game with a macho culture. It appeals to independent, intensely competitive people, not “team players.” We keep score by how much we win or lose, get a special kick from successful bluffs and traps, respect “heart,” and feel contempt for “wimps.”

Machismo causes a few deluded players, usually men, to believe, “You may need support, but I don’t. I’m so tough, smart, and independent that I don’t want or need help.” They’re kidding themselves.

Everyone occasionally needs support. Many presidents, billionaires, generals, and boxers have written that they could not have succeeded without frequent help. So have Doyle Brunson, Mike Caro, Daniel Negreanu, and many other top players. Unless you think you’re tougher and smarter than they are, you should admit the truth and find people who will help you.

Building a Good Network Is Difficult.

You have to work hard and take some risks. You can be embarrassed or feel hurt when your requests for help are rejected. You may ask the wrong people or ask in the wrong way, and you will certainly get some bad advice.

Because I need many types of support, I’ve carefully built a large network: my brother, David Sklansky, Mason Malmuth, Matt Lessinger, Roy Cooke, Barry and Betty Tanenbaum, Jim Brier, Nick Christensen, Jan Siroky, Robyn Salisbury, two poker discussion groups, and twoplustwocom’s forums. Many other people and forums have provided occasional help.

Types of Support

You need two general types of support, intellectual and emotional, and both can be divided further. Each person can help you with some issues, but not others.

Most people are fairly willing to ask for intellectual help, and it’s easy to get. Many people love to give advice, but some advice is useless or even worse than useless.

Far fewer players ask for emotional support, but everybody, even the toughest pro, occasionally needs help with poker’s emotional swings. Unfortunately, the more people need help, the less likely they are to get it. They either won’t ask for it, or others will be too uncomfortable to provide it.

A few people can provide both intellectual and emotional support, but most can provide only one. Intellectual supporters should play better than you and be impersonal, judgmental and critical. They should tell you how to play better, even if it hurts your feelings.

Conversely, emotional supporters should protect your feelings. Their task is not to improve your skills; it’s to help you to avoid tilt. When you need to complain about your luck, other players, dealers, and so on, they should listen sympathetically and withhold judgment.

Very few people can do both well. Most good critics can’t listen sympathetically. They don’t care much about feelings and are ruthlessly objective about facts. If you can’t handle the truth, or if you just want to rant and vent, they won’t listen well (or at all).

Most sympathetic listeners are too considerate to provide the harsh criticisms you need to plug your leaks. However, their advice may be more acceptable because it’s expressed tactfully.

You must recognize and adjust to that difference. Ask the right people for each type of help. To improve my knowledge and skills, I’d ask David, Mason, Matt, Roy, Barry, Jim, Nick, or Jan, and the people I’d choose would depend upon the topic. No matter how frustrated I am, I wouldn’t make emotional complaints because they probably wouldn’t listen sympathetically.

When I need emotional support, I call my brother (who doesn’t play poker), Betty, or Robyn because they’re more sympathetic listeners. Since Betty and Robyn play well, I might also request strategic advice, especially when I’m too embarrassed to ask my more critical friends.

Poker forums are excellent for intellectual support, but terrible places to discuss emotions. Instead of sympathetic understanding, you’ll probably get “flamed.”

Poker discussion groups provide both types of support. You can often find different people to criticize your play or listen to your troubles. General discussions develop your skills, and private conversations provide more intensive analysis and let you discuss feelings.

Discussions with poker buddies and groups often go far beyond specific hands or situations. If they know how you play, they can see patterns and provide good advice. Someone may say, “You made the same mistake in this hand that you made last week.” These comments can help you to see your fundamental thinking flaws.

For example, Sam O’Connor, author of How to Dominate $1 and $2 No-Limit Hold’em, identified a major problem. He saw something that – without his help – I wouldn’t have understood or accepted. His comment helped me to make an unexpected, but very valuable decision.

He said, “Al, I hope you don’t take this personally. You’ve worked hard on your no-limit game, but you still think like a limit player.”

I intensely disliked hearing it because I had studied several books and thoroughly discussed theory and hundreds of hands. His comment was so surprising and painful that I could not accept it immediately. But he’s a much better no-limit player and wanted to help me.

After thinking carefully, I realized he was absolutely right. After decades of successfully playing limit poker, I couldn’t switch my thinking enough to play no-limit well. So I stopped playing no-limit.

Are You Getting Good Support?

That question covers two issues: (1) The quality of your support network, and (2) How well you use it.

Do you have at least one good player who will objectively criticize your play? Do you frequently discuss poker with that person? If not, start looking for someone or discussing strategy more frequently.

In fact, one person probably can’t provide all the intellectual support you need. Some players are strong in limit cash games, but weak in no-limit tournaments. Others beat full tables, but not shorthanded games. By discussing your play with several people, you’ll learn much more.

Do you have at least one player who will listen sensitively and sympathetically when you need to express your feelings? If not, start looking for one ASAP. Again, you may need more than one helper. Some people can help you with sadness, but not anger. If you discuss emotions your listener can’t handle, you may end up feeling worse.

Since it’s so hard to build and work well with a good poker support network, my next column will tell you how to do both. ♠

Do you often wonder, “Why are my results so disappointing?” Ask Dr. Al, [email protected]. He has published five books about poker psychology, five on other psychological subjects, and is David Sklansky’s co-author for DUCY?