The Rules Guy: How To Conduct Yourself at the Poker Table

Most players learn poker’s explicit rules pretty quickly: the “one-chip rule,” for example, or “verbal declarations are binding.” But not everyone seems to have digested the game’s vast book of unwritten rules, admonitions like “don’t berate other players (particularly bad ones)” or “say ‘nice hand’ even when you mean something entirely different.”

Enter “The Rules Guy.” TRG believes that civility and sportsmanship are never wrong, and that bad behavior (even when you’re simply trying to get an edge) is bad for the game. What’s wrong? What’s right? What’s an angle? Got a question about how to behave at the poker table (or a comment about a column)? Email TRG at [email protected].

Props to Cliff “Johnny Bax” Josephy

Facts: Poker is a game – even when played by professionals. Poker is fun – at least most of the time. But sometimes poker must be taken seriously. And the lead-up to the final table of the main event is unequivocally one of those times. William “Speech Play” Kassouf has showed his true colors, and veteran and November Niner Cliff Josephy called him out on it. “Just look at your cards in advance,” Josephy told the new poster child for slow play on ESPN. At the end of a brief exchange, Josephy gets the definitive last word in: “You are a clown.” (See Episode 12 of this year’s coverage.)

For calling a clown a clown, props to Cliff Josephy.

Time to Find a New Game

Dear The Rules Guy:

Early in a tournament in my weekly bar league, a tight, older guy raised under the gun to 120 (blinds were 20-40), one player called, the villain called, I called with 5 5 in the cutoff, the button folded, and both blinds called. Flop was 10 8 5. Both blinds checked, original raiser bet 150, next player folded, villain called. I raised to 700. Both blinds folded, the original raiser folded A A face-up. (I think this was the first rules violation.) 

Now it was back to the villain. He started talking: “What do you have? Why such a big bet? Two pair? Set? That’s a dumb bet if that’s what you have.” Then he turned over his cards, Q 10. (Is this a rules violation?) While he was tanking, the guy who folded A-A commented, “He’s got three of a kind at least.” (Which again, I believe is a rules violation.) Then the villain made a very rude comment; he said to the table, “I want to suck out on him here and shove it up his ass for a dumb bet!” (No rules violation there, but poor poker etiquette, in my opinion.) He finally folded, I gathered my chips and didn’t show or comment.

Is this kind of behavior to be expected in a local amateur league? Can you comment on the rules and etiquette in this hand?

- An Avid Reader

Dear AAR:

Sadly, this kind of behavior can be expected at any level of play or players. And can TRG comment on this hand and your excellent observations (which TRG has edited slightly for length)?

Oh, yes, my friend; oh yes indeed. In order:

1. The man who folded A-A face up was completely out of line to reveal his hand while there were other players waiting to act. He gives away too much information to other players (and way, way, way too much information about his own game!). An unequivocal violation of the rules.

2. In trying to put you on a hand, the villain was making a standard (highly transparent) speech seemingly designed to get a reaction from you – but its real purpose is to allow him to save face when he folds. Harmless, inept, but not a significant rules violation. Showing his cards is the same – it’s generally against the rules, but tolerated, and some people believe it’s perfectly fine to show when heads-up.

3. The man who folded A-A was also completely out of line when commenting on the value of your hand. Indeed, with players behind, he should not say word one about the hand – it’s a very explicit violation of the rules, not to mention flat-out discourteous.

4. And ultimately, when he made his most virulent comment, the villain did violate an unofficial rule but a good one: Do not be an asshat. Anger is part of the game, and tempers occasionally flare, but early in a bar league tournament when he has invested 270 chips? Ridiculous – and pathetic.

TRG assumes that your bar league has no floor people or a tournament director – and that’s the real problem here. No one is really in charge, so there’s no real consequence to breaking the rules (still, you should mention this kind of thing to the organizer of the event). So if you can find a proper venue, take your game there; if not, you have to act as your own sheriff – and make it clear you won’t tolerate this kind of lawlessness.
On second thought, don’t give up this bar league yet. If these villains are the least representative of your average opponent, TRG thinks you have found the best game in town.
Waiting, waiting, waitressing

Dear The Rules Guy:

Recently, I was playing poker and ordered a drink. While I’m in the process of paying the lovely lady who has brought me my beverage and whose livelihood depends on collecting payment and tips, the action has come around to me. The self-proclaimed table captain insists that I stop my transaction, ignore the financial needs of the waitress and play my cards. I don’t think so. I always attend to the needs of the person who is waiting on me and needs the money for her support and that of her family. What does TRG recommend?

- Chivalrous in Chino

Dear CinC:

Once, when The Rules Guy was considerably younger, he thought there was nothing worse than a “table captain.” But the “self-proclaimed table captain” is indeed worse. (Then he saw William Kassouf in action and he realized even a blowhard table captain is better to play with than a speech play/slow play specialist like Kassouf.)

But TRG digresses.

TRG has tried to envision the situation you describe. He can picture perfectly the table captain – probably heavyset, with a gold bracelet or extravagant watch, and the poker table is his substitute for a life. He can’t even shut down his poker motor for the 30 seconds it takes for you to give the waitress a bill (or a chip), retrieve your change, and tip her.

And assuming it took less than 30 seconds to pay the server, and assuming you were not in general slowing the game down, the table captain is way out of line. El capitan can wait while you complete your transaction.

But, mi amigo, you are not entirely off the hook here. It is annoying to wait for a player who is handling non-poker business, and you should be conscious of that when playing. Don’t allow yourself to get in this situation in the first place. Have your money ready to pay the server. Ask the dealer for time if necessary. Ask your tablemates for a bit of indulgence, and apologize in advance for slowing down the game.

And finally: This is out of TRG’s traditional purview, but it is an etiquette issue. Avoid terminology like “lovely lady.” That is sexist – even though TRG senses you’re not pulling a Trump here – and sexism is just plain wrong, at the table, at the office, everywhere. No player should ever take for granted the people who make games possible: servers, chip runners, porters, dealers, and floor people. Tipping poker room staff is always great, but giving them respect is absolutely essential. ♠