The Rules Guy: How To Conduct Yourself at the Poker Table

Most players learn poker’s explicit rules pretty quickly: the “one-chip rule,” for example, or “verbal declarations are binding.” But not everyone seems to have digested the game’s vast book of unwritten rules, admonitions like “don’t berate other players (particularly bad ones)” or “say ‘nice hand’ even when you mean something entirely different.”

Enter “The Rules Guy.” TRG believes that civility and sportsmanship are never wrong, and that bad behavior (even when you’re simply trying to get an edge) is bad for the game. What’s wrong? What’s right? What’s an angle? Got a question about how to behave at the poker table (or a comment about a column)? Email TRG at [email protected].

Props to Elkan Allan and Hannah Mackay

Elkan Allan compiled the brilliant book The Poker Encyclopedia (published by Portico in 2007), but he died before it was completed and published. Hannah Mackay, then a dealer at the Gutshot Club in London, helped usher it into print. It’s exactly what it says it is: an encyclopedia bound in green felt that covers poker lingo, poker personalities, some strategy, and a great deal of history. The Rules Guy looked in vain for an entry on poker etiquette, but likes to think, Elkan being English, it wasn’t truly necessary. But TRG would love to know what he thinks about situations like the first of this month’s queries.

“Nice Hand”: Two Words That Say A Lot (Most Of It Unfortunate)

Dear The Rules Guy:

Let me begin by noting that I say “please” and “thank you” at all the appropriate situations in life. I open doors when that seems polite and/or welcome. I don’t cut drivers off even though I live in LA. And I send thank you notes when I get presents. But do I have to say “nice hand” every time some fish calls all-in with a gutshot straight draw and gets there on the river? Do I? Seriously?

- Not Always In A Gracious Mood

Dear Not Always In A Gracious Mood:

No, you don’t have to say “nice hand” every time some “fish” luck-boxes his way into a pot.

You have to say “nice hand, sir!”

OK, TRG is half kidding. But it’s worth exploring what “nice hand” really means and how to handle this very common situation. What should be a simple, straightforward way of congratulating someone on winning a pot has been transmogrified into something entirely different, filled with nuance, menace, and, occasionally (very occasionally), a genuine expression of admiration.

Time to parse this challenging phrase. “Nice hand” has precisely four usages at the poker table, and they are mostly differentiated by intonation:

“Nice hand:” An English expression traditionally uttered after a pot is pushed, referring to the hand just played. Examples of usage:

1. When said with dripping sarcasm, “nice hand” connotes precisely the opposite of what the phrase literally means: As in: “Nice hand, you douche-tastic troll. Your preflop call was atrocious; you played the hand with the gusto of a newt, and, of course, you got there on the river. Nice hand, idiot.” (NB: Obviously, it’s rare to hear all these words articulated aloud, but their implied presence is unmistakable.)

2. Sometimes, “nice hand” will be said tinged with disgust at the other player’s luck. As in: “Nice hand, luckbox. You flopped the nuts and let me bet off my entire stack. Jolly good for you. You are so lucky, but you are in no way a good player. F—- you.” (NB, again: Everything but the first two words are implied.) (NB: Occasionally, this usage can mean the following: “Go out and buy a lottery ticket because clearly today is your lucky day.”)

3. (Rare, perhaps even archaic) “Nice hand” said with admiration at another player’s skill or strategy. As in “Nice hand and whoa! I never knew what you had. And you seemed to know exactly what I had. Well done you! You played that with grace, insight and style.” This is such a rare occurrence that it is entirely possible that even a veteran has never heard its actual use.

4. TRG will come back to usage #4.

Clearly, examples one and two are beyond the pale. Sarcasm is the refuge of the weak, and withering sarcasm is the telltale sign of the rude. Remember, you want players to make bad calls. You want players to play in negative expected value (EV) ways. You want players to play badly. And you want players to suck out because that pile of chips and that dopamine hit to the brain keeps them coming back for more. In other words, you should encourage them, and while active encouragement may be frowned upon, there is no reason on earth why you should highlight incompetence at the poker table.

The third usage, where a compliment is actually made and intended, does happen, but even that is controversial from an EV standpoint. Do you really want to acknowledge a player’s skill lest you worry that he will then take advantage of your fear of that skill? Does she really want you to acknowledge her skill so publicly so that other players may decide to just not play back at her? (In TRG’s opinion, used sparingly in this way, “nice hand” is nice to hear.)

And sometimes, the phrase “nice hand” means exactly what it should mean: “Straight flush! Nice hand, sir!” But it’s the fourth meaning of the phrase that is its true meaning. When you say “nice hand” in a neutral, friendly way, you’re saying, “That hand is over. There is no more action, the pot has been shipped, the cards are being shuffled. Let’s move on.”

Of course, none of this brilliant exegesis of a simple, two-word English phrase directly answers your question. So let The Rules Guy do just that: No, you don’t have say “nice hand” at any point, whether a bad player outdrew you or a good player outplayed you. But there are times when it can’t hurt (assuming, and TRG senses this is a big assumption, that you’re saying it with a polite intent and not a wounding one), and it does add to the civility of the game. TRG says it a lot, partly from a desire to nurse the shred of Zen detachment he fancies himself to possess, but in thinking about it, TRG believes it’s a kind of perfect punctuation mark in a game of poker—not the full stop of the period but more of a dash, a pause before play resumes.

Pot Control and Other Nonsense

Dear The Rules Guy:

There’s a lot of jargon in poker, and my card room seems to be full of young guns who know everything - at least they know the buzzwords and the catchphrases. Today, I heard “GTO” and “check-back for pot control” and “priced in” and “capped range” about 30 times.
I should mention I was playing $1$2 no-limit capped at the time.

- I Don’t Need No Stinking Lingo

Dear IDNNSL:

Nice question, sir! And TRG means that in the best spirit (see the first question). There is a lot of jargon in poker and, like any activity, devotees of the game will tend to find chances to use that jargon whenever possible—even when wholly inappropriate or just flat-out wrong. In general, this is of no consequence. If the player is good, and knowledgeable, you’ll learn that even quicker because every time he opens his mouth, he’ll remind you that he’s good and knowledgeable. Bad players tend to remind you of their limitations as well. TRG’s personal favorite is when someone makes an absolutely terrible, obviously incorrect call, wins the pot and shrugs saying, “Pot odds, right? I had to call.”

You won’t learn a lot about poker by listening to jargon. But you will learn a tremendous amount about your opponents. ♠