He's Making a List

Every year, shortly before Christmas, I have thought about telling this little story. The reason this thought always enters my mind during this particular time of the year is because it's the only time the of year that I hear a certain Christmas song. You know the one: "He's making a list, checking it twice, gonna find out who's naughty and nice … " You probably guessed the song by now, which, of course, is Santa Claus is Coming to Town.

All of us who have been parents have made sure our kids really understand that part of the song. We warn our little ones, "He sees you when you're sleeping and knows when you're awake. He knows when you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake." So, now having given more than an adequate lead in, let me begin the story.

A few years ago I began playing in a midsize Omaha eight-or-better game. One of the regular players in the game was a very intelligent, well-educated professional. He was a good player, and I think he was a winning player overall. He was, however, one of those who thought the dealer had some control of the cards that he dealt.

I didn't become aware of that because he abused the dealers, because he didn't. In fact, he never said a cross or ugly word to any of them. However, when he lost a few hands, he'd say to the dealer quite matter of factly, "Now can we get a deck change?" Even though it went over most of the players' and even the dealer's heads at times, I always had to restrain myself from laughing because the word "now" brought such a profound and, to me, hilarious meaning to his request.

He also did another thing that really cracked me up. After taking two or three beats from a dealer, he'd reach into his shirt pocket and take out a little notebook. Then, he'd look across at the dealer's name tag and write the dealer's name down in his little book. The first time I saw him do it, I thought I would fall out of my seat. I asked him what he was doing, and he nonchalantly told me he was putting that dealer on "his list." Now, I don't know what he did with the names on that list, but I was pretty sure a dealer didn't want to be on it.

Last Thanksgiving I told the 25 or so people who had gathered at our house the story of my friend's list, and they all thought it was cute. I decided to imitate Santa Claus and my poker player friend, and started a list of my own for the day. I can't tell you how much fun we all had. Obviously, the whole process was exaggerated, with me taking out my little notepad, writing names down, and telling people they were "now on my list." Some argued that what they had said or done didn't warrant being on the list, while others apologized and asked how long they would be on the list and how they could be removed from it. I don't know what was required for my poker player friend to remove a dealer's name from his list, but as far as my little Thanksgiving list was concerned, all that was necessary to be removed from it was an apology and a promise to be good. Throughout the day, people were put on the list, taken off, put back on, and so on. When the day was over and everyone was leaving, I declared amnesty for all and took everyone off the list.

It was so much fun and worked so well on Thanksgiving that I decided I would give it a try when I play my next poker tournament. So, I am officially putting everyone on notice. I have a little notebook, and if you do not toe the line, you will be put on my list. And this list is not restricted to just dealers. Players, floormen, porters, food servers, and anyone else I come into contact with will be subject to being put on "the list."

So, here's a word to the wise: If you screw up, and this means doing or saying anything I don't like, I will reach into my pocket, take out my little notebook, and put your name on my list.

For what it's worth …