Online Poker: Interview with Chetna 'Rex55' Joshi -- Part II

[This is Part II of a two-part interview with online poker player Chetna “Rex55” Joshi. To view Part I, click here. In this segment, she talks about being a girl in a “man’s world” and about dealing with downswings and bad beats.]


Shawn Patrick Green: In your poker blog, you’ve written quite a bit about the emotional ups and downs you’ve experienced in poker, both from the game itself and from the societal aspects of the game. First off, let’s talk about how being a girl in what you call, perhaps appropriately, a “man’s world” has affected you.

Chetna “Rex55” Joshi: Wow, I could probably write a book about this (laughs). For me, personally, I’ve always been riding on respect. I had a tough time when I started playing in Atlantic City at the no-limit hold’em tables, because I was really the only girl. I was playing $5-$10 no-limit — I mean, I started off at $1-$2, but as I got into the higher levels, there were no girls, especially at $5-$10. It was me and nine other guys, and I did experience a lot of gender-associated stereotypes, sometimes derogatory name-calling, and sometimes immature sexual innuendos. I quickly realized that I was somewhat out of place in what was a man’s world.

But I was big on respect, and as time went on, I began to earn that respect from the regulars, because they could see that, OK, I am serious about my game, I’m not going anywhere, and I’m actually pretty good. So, I was able to gain that respect with time. The thing is, when I started playing online, I didn’t want to have to deal with having an obvious girl’s name. I just didn’t want to deal with that, so I figured “What a perfect time to have a male identity.”

So, the way I came up with “Rex,” actually, is that when I play live, I use this queen chess piece. Anybody that’s played live with me has seen it and knows; one day I forgot it, and everyone was like, “Where’s your queen?” That’s what’s most linked to me when I play live. So, when I was thinking of names, I thought, OK, instead of using “queen,” I’ll use “king,” which in Latin is “rex.” And that’s how I came up with rex, and then the 55 is my birthday, May 5, so I came up with Rex55. So, I started playing as that, and I didn’t post any pictures on my blog until I felt like I was having consistent success, because I just wasn’t really ready to say, “Hey, I’m a girl.” I wanted to prove myself, first.

SPG: What was the turning point, then? What was the deciding factor for coming out?

CJ: It was about four months in, and I deposited my first deposit on Full Tilt in December of ’06, and that month I spent completely lost trying to figure out what to do. Screwing around with cash games just wasn’t working; I was going up and down. And then I started playing in the low-limit tournaments, $26 tournaments, and experimenting with my style.

And then I remember that I played in a $75 tournament and Annette [“Annette_15” Obrestad] was at my table, and I had no idea who any big names were, I had never heard of Annette or PearlJammer or BeL0WaB0Ve, or anybody. And I just remember sitting there, seeing this girl Annette_15, and there were a million people talking to her. And I was like, “What is going on? Did I miss something? Who is this?” I was totally clueless.

So, I started learning about these different players, and I thought, “Wow, this is so cool, they make their living off of these tournaments online. How do they win all of these tournaments? This is crazy!” So, I started really focusing on my tournament game, and in mid-January something clicked and I started hitting tournaments.

I had a $20K profit in January, February, and March — three consecutive months. So by March I was like, “Wow, I really feel comfortable and confident now.” But it was also getting difficult, because people were pushing me, asking, “Hey, who are you?” What was I going to say at that point? I didn’t want to lie and say, “Oh, I’m some guy in wherever.” I was just being very vague most of the time. And then, a few weeks after I started my blog, I was like, “OK, I should probably get over it” (laughs). And since then, it’s been great, it’s been a very positive experience, without a doubt.

SPG: Now let’s get into bad beats, downswings, and tilt, all of the emotionally draining aspects of poker. How do you deal with them?

CJ: Oh, God. When I first started playing, especially online, it was really impossible for me to deal with bad beats. There was just something so insanely frustrating for me that I could keep making good decisions, get my money in good, and, for whatever reason, I felt like I was getting punished over and over.

I think it’s much tougher for people who are fixated on always making the right play. We feel like, “OK, we made the right play, why didn’t it work out?” It would just drive me crazy. But, with time, I just realized that I had to change my perspective. I had to take the bad beats, the downswings, and everything in stride, because they’re inherent components of the game, and it’s just inevitable.

So, it really did take a lot of changing of my own perspective to realize that there are going to be dips and valleys and that I should also practice having humility when I am running good. Because the one thing that I’ve noticed about poker is that it’s amazing how our minds can literally latch on to feeling invincible when we’re winning. We can feel like, “Oh my God, I’m winning $20,000 a month and this is amazing. This is how it’s going to be forever.” And we let our egos blind us from the reality that this can stop at any point; we can hit a cold streak in the blink of an eye. Most poker players are not ready for that, especially the ones who immediately hit something.

I think the worst thing that we can do is that which we inflict upon ourselves, which is not preparing ourselves for that reality. So, I always try to tell myself what would happen if I only listened to that part of my mind that was healthy and I didn’t listen to the part that wanted to tilt, and I’ve saved so much money doing that. And I can say that I honestly wake up every day, no matter what happened the day before, with the determination to play better.

This is a perfect example, I was in the $300 tournament on Stars last night [the Wednesday Hundred Grand], and I was chip leader for-ever! We were down to four tables, and we were long inside of the money, and I had 230,000 in chips, which was first place. Second place was only at 114,000, and the big blind was only like 3,000, so there was a lot, a lot of play left. I got dealt aces against a kid who had 112,000 in chips; he was probably third in chips at the time. He raised, I reraised, and he called. The flop came out king high, and he bet. I called, and he ended up having a set of kings. So, it completely, in that moment, knocked me off of my feet, because here I was as the chip leader for like six hours, playing what I’d like to say was the best I could have played, and now, four tables from $50,000 …

A year ago, I would have just freaked out and totally played like a moron. Instead, I sat out for five minutes, I cooled off, and I said, “You know what? It’s just going to be harder. They’re just making it harder for me.” I came back and I continued to lose with nines to K-J, and then I lost again with A-K to J-10, and somehow I made it to the final table and I finished in eighth. And, to me, that was a big victory. Yeah, I did have my sights set on first, second, or third because of the position I had put myself in with my chip stack, but what could I do? I couldn’t control the aces. I couldn’t control having nines and having somebody calling with a K-J and hitting his king. I couldn’t control having A-K and another kid having J-10 and him hitting a jack on the river. Those are things I couldn’t control.

So, today I wake up, and yeah, I’m upset, but I don’t feel defeated. I know I did the best that I could, and it just didn’t work out for me last night. But I know that I’ll be there again, and I think that that perspective is very important to have.

SPG: It’s obvious from your blogging and your forum posting that you are a community-minded poker player. How has being an active member of the online poker community helped you?

CJ: Well, my blog has been an amazing plus for me. I had no idea it would receive the attention that it did when I started it. So, through that, it has been really cool, because not only have I been able to share my thoughts and insights and say whatever I want, but I have received feedback from players all over the world. They don’t realize how appreciative, how uplifting that is for me. I’ve met so many amazing people.

The online poker community is just that, it’s a tight-knit community. For the most part, we root for each other, we help each other, and we’re there when somebody else falls. I don’t know how many times I’m on chat with people while they’re going through downswings, or how many people are on chat with me when I am. We strive to better each other, and I really think that that is what it should be about.

There’s always going to be that small percentage of people who are trying to bring other people down, but that’s really going to exist in any facet of life where people are succeeding. There’s always going to be a small percentage of people who are envious and turn that into hate. But, for the most part, the forums have helped me immensely; I’ve met amazing people and amazing players. I would definitely encourage everybody to get involved, especially if they’re serious about poker, because there are a lot of people out there who are willing to help.

SPG: How do you prepare for a day of playing online tournaments, and how do you recover afterwards? Because it seems like it would be a very lonely, draining experience.

CJ: Yeah (laughs), yeah, it really is. I feel like I live in a bubble, sometimes. The main thing for me is, if I don’t feel like playing, then I don’t. I really have to be in the mood and in the zone. There was a time in the Fall of ’07 when I barely played. I was in the dumps, I was depressed, and I didn’t feel like touching my computer. It’s easy to get burnt out and lose interest, and I needed to walk away and miss it again — thirst for it.

But for 2008 it has been awesome. I get up every day, I walk my labradoodle Bindi, I get some fresh air, I have a bowl of cereal, and I put my headphones on and get to work. I have a habit, I have to wear headphones when I play, and I don’t know why. Even if I’m not listening to music, I have to have them on. It’s the weirdest thing. I think it just focuses me into the screen instead of looking off to the TV.

As far as how I recover, I just try to relax, I guess. I listen to music, I watch a movie, I chat, I blog, and I have an art studio upstairs, because I like to paint every once in a while. I’ve gotten used to most days ending in frustration. Playing MTTs [multitable tournaments] for eight to 10 hours every day definitely got a lot easier once I accepted the fact that 80-90 percent of the time, I’m going to end up feeling unhappy. I’m going to go to bed thinking, “Damn. Damnit! Why?! Why didn’t that hand hold?!”

But, honestly, I love that; that’s the grind. That’s what poker is, and that makes the scores and the success that much sweeter when they happen. It just wouldn’t be as much fun if it were easy. I like being kicked around, as ridiculous as that sounds. I really do, I like the grind. (Laughing) I know that probably sounds crazy, but I don’t know how better to explain it. Don’t get me wrong, I hate it, as well. That’s the kind of catch-22. If somebody just handed me something, it wouldn’t mean as much to me as it would if I knew I had to work for it.

SPG: What is the key to being a consistent, winning player?

CJ: I’m really big on mental steadfastness and stability; I think that’s really huge. If you think about it, at the core of poker, we’re all on the same playing field. We have 52 cards, everyone has the same rules, we all have the same odds, and everybody has good luck and bad luck and everything in between. So, you have to ask yourself what really separates the great players from the just average or the losing players, and I honestly think that the great players are better at focusing on what they can control versus what they can’t. They constantly strive to improve upon their games, their discipline, and their bankroll management, which is such a big key. They’re able to cushion downswings without letting it consume them or defeat them.

I can’t tell you how many people I know who have succeeded and hit nice scores, and then a week or a month later are broke. And it had nothing to do with them not being good at poker and everything to do with their lack of discipline. They were obviously good enough to win that money, but they weren’t good enough, or enough in control of themselves, to stop when things weren’t going well and drop down. And that’s kind of the invincibility factor that I was talking about earlier.

The great players have tapped into the potential that is independent of luck and they’re able to put the negativity of poker into perspective. And I think once you realize that poker is not only beauty but brutality … the sooner you realize that, the sooner I think anybody can be a great player, I honestly do. I think it’s all in your own mind.

SPG: What are your goals for the future?

CJ: Honestly, to keep improving on my game. I think my ultimate poker goal is to be able to play live tournaments on a pretty consistent basis, not only in the U.S., but I would also love to travel internationally. Also, to simply be a better person and to find a purpose in life beyond hours spent on the felt.

SPG: Thanks for doing this interview with us, Chetna.

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