Counterfeit Identity

Do you see that good-looking guy pictured at the top of this page? Which one, you ask. Well, that's a fair question. The one on the right, that's me – Brian. The other guy, as is pretty obvious, is my identical twin. For those of you who've forgotten your high school biology, identical twins are actually clones, technically speaking. They're naturally occurring clones, of course – as opposed to the synthetically engineered kind that we've heard so much about in the news lately – but clones, nonetheless. They have the same DNA, the same genetic blueprint.

Being a twin has led to a few instances of mistaken identity over the years, but I've never really minded, since the fellow for whom I'm mistaken is a pretty stand-up guy. (Besides, he's had some really nice-looking girlfriends.) But recently we've been tied to another case of mistaken identity – and I'm not too happy about it. Frankly, I resent having to waste a column on this, but I feel compelled to offer the following disclaimer, and Card Player seems to be the appropriate forum.

Recently I was informed that someone playing online at a well-known, high-traffic poker site (I won't say which one) has taken to identifying himself as "one of the twins who writes for Card Player magazine." This struck me as rather peculiar, since I've never played on the Internet and neither has my brother. So far, this has been just a personal preference; I like to get my fingernails dirty on real, not virtual, green felt – and I like to be able to look my opponents in the eye. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure I'll give online poker a shot at some point, and I'll probably discover that while comparing live poker and cyber poker is like comparing apples and oranges, there's no reason one can't like both apples and oranges. But the point remains that up until now, I just haven't gotten around to it. I've yet to play as much as one hand in cyberspace, and I know for a fact that the same is true for my brother. And yet, here's this person claiming to be one of us while chatting away at his keyboard in between hands and during hands.

Now, I'm surely not the first person to be impersonated online and probably won't be the last. (Wait a minute, why am I assuming he's impersonating me? Maybe he's impersonating my brother Barry. Uh-oh, this is getting confusing – I can never tell phonies apart.) I must say, though, that when I first heard this, I found myself wondering why the guy wouldn't aim higher. I mean, if you're going to masquerade as another person, why not pick someone who's actually famous? In any case, my initial reaction was one of mild amusement. Imitation, as the saying goes, is the sincerest form of flattery, and maybe the same goes for impersonation. Either way, whatever annoyance I may have felt at hearing about this impostor was so minor that it barely registered. In fact, I forgot all about it five minutes later.

But then I heard about it again, and became curious for more details. I was told that this wasn't a one-time incident, but an ongoing thing. And then it came to my attention that this individual is sometimes less than civil while assuming my/our identity, often criticizing and berating other players for their play. When I heard that, my amusement vanished, and it was replaced by a hearty dose of indignation.

The good news is that one online player who witnessed this ringer's bad behavior is very friendly with a poker acquaintance of mine named Tony. Tony told his friend that this rudeness "sure doesn't sound like Mulholland." Subsequently, something rather interesting happened. Tony got a call on his cell phone one night from his buddy, who exclaimed, "I'm playing online with the Card Player twin right now!" Tony said, "Gee, that's funny, the one I know is here at Hawaiian Gardens right now, and he tells me that his brother is playing at Foxwoods even as we speak." The fake was then confronted with this little discrepancy, for which I'm grateful to Tony's friend.

With apologies to Sir Walter Scott: "Oh, what tangled World Wide Webs we weave, when on the Internet we do deceive."

The bad news, however, is that he wriggled off the hook in the view of his poker-site audience. When confronted, our impostor responded to his accuser by stating that he was going to log off and send him a private E-mail. In that E-mail, he rationalized his misrepresentation by saying that, coincidentally enough, he too has a twin, and claimed that once upon a time, he did have a freelance article or two printed in Card Player (I have no idea if this is true or not) – he just wasn't one of the twins who writes a featured column "these days." As Tony's friend told him, that hardly justifies the deception, for he was clearly trying to give the impression that he was one of us. After all, if it had been an innocent, inadvertent misunderstanding, why did its correction need to take place via private E-mail? Why couldn't his "clarification" have been just as public as the misrepresentation that necessitated it?

The answer, of course, is obvious. He simply wanted to avoid the embarrassment that goes with being caught red-handed. And I guess he liked being perceived as being "in the loop." But whatever his reasons, I wanted to make this disclaimer to all those online folks whose play he might have criticized or ridiculed: It wasn't me – and it wasn't my brother.

And to the impostor, I say this: Be grateful that I haven't identified you, and knock it off. As to your discourtesy, either clean up your act or stop pretending to be someone you're not. Better yet, why don't you do both! I already have a twin – the last thing in the world I need is a cyber clone.