Please Pass the Grey Poupon and the Manners!

I know this is a topic that has been discussed endlessly in many forums, but I believe it bears repeating – at least until folks start to "get it."

I am all for a kinder and gentler America, and would even go so far as to hope that the world could someday find some real peace. However, my goals often are unreachable, so I will start out small and work my way up. Let us revisit the ideas of etiquette, common courtesy, and respect when in a cardroom, in a game, waiting for a game, or lobbying from a game. Really, how tough is it to be nice?

Throughout my experience in the poker community the last 25 years (I was 11 when I started), I have consistently found that the best games are the ones in which folks are having a good time and fun is abundant. Now, while it is true that, for the most part, I am not a "fun" player when I am playing serious poker at the middle limits, I am a nice player. I am quiet, and do not generally engage in too much table talk. However, I don't do anything to aggravate the other players, and I hope that they are giggling and talking, and taking the game less seriously than I am. This is why the chips tend to flow in my direction. Players who are having fun are players who are more prone to give away their money. Will they have fun if someone at the table is throwing cards, insults, or furniture? I think not.

When I play at the lower limits, I am a more jovial player and will do things to make the game fun. I will straddle the blinds (something I never do at the middle-limits, where I usually play), tell jokes, and even randomly toke a dealer for putting up a card I like. Why? Because then folks will like me, and do you know what happens when players at the table like you? They are happier about giving you their money. This is a fact. If you are grouchy and unpleasant, you are less likely to get action from someone who would otherwise gamble with you. Why? Because they don't like you! Players don't want to give their money to people they don't like.

What are some of the real turnoffs at a poker table that lead to unpleasantness or discomfort among players? In addition to the throwing of the above-mentioned things (well, OK, I was teasing about the furniture), it is the subtle things that can raise the ire of the otherwise happiest of players. There is no reason ever to needle a player. Win and lose graciously, and don't make disparaging comments. If you are in doubt about whether a statement you're thinking of making might be hurtful, don't make it. Why would you want to annoy players and make them play better? If you embarrass a player who plays badly, what is he most likely to do? Right, you are; he will try to play better! Again, generally, the loosest and best games are the ones in which the players are having fun. Don't rain on the parade. Don't steam, swear, give lessons, pout, needle, take shots, mutter under your breath, berate the dealer, and so on.

There are millions of things you should not do when you play poker. It is easy to know what they are. Remember the golden rule you learned as a child? Take it to the game with you. Some of the things you should do are tip the dealer, assist players who need it by answering their questions, play in turn, be kind and gracious in both victory and defeat, and, most importantly, have fun. Most of these things seem obvious, but sometimes we seem to forget the common courtesies that we should extend when playing poker. While many players from the old school may say, "It's a man's game and sissies shouldn't play. If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen," and so forth, I prefer to think of poker as a "gentleman's" game. If I am in a cardroom where I would not want my mother to play, it's a cardroom that's too rough for me. Don't make me have you stand in the corner. Class dismissed.

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