Pet Peeves - Undesirable traits of players

I love our game of poker and the poker world, but there still are a few things that bother me at the table. I have so many pet peeves that this might sound like a gripe session. That is not my intent. I really hope to educate some of you to things of which you may be unaware. Think of me as a good friend who would tell you if you had B.O. or some broccoli stuck between your teeth, and please take my following comments in the spirit in which I am making them. Let's help to make poker a nicer, more fun place, OK?



It begins with each of us. I have two lists of things that aggravate me and most likely, many of the people around me. One is for players, and one is for cardroom personnel. In no particular order of importance, first I will discuss players.



There is too much use of the word "I" at the table, and often, far too loudly. While it is nice to have some pleasant conversation at the table, players quite often talk over another player, across the table for far too long, or too loudly. Also, all too frequently, the topic is I, I, I. There are many professional poker players who are very guilty of this. As recreational or semipro players, let's try to engage everyone at the table in the banter, and be quiet when someone is involved in a big hand, thereby showing the courtesy and respect that a player deserves when faced with a big decision.



Remember, calling a $16 bet might seem small to you, but it is all relative, and chips are chips. I had a language arts teacher in the 11th grade who said, "God gave you two ears and one mouth because he wanted you to listen to twice as much as he wanted you to say!" While this is good advice in life in general, it might have been meant for the poker table. Enjoy yourselves – but know when to give it a rest, OK?

Slow rolls drive everyone crazy. Simply put, don't do it! What is a slow roll? It occurs when you have the best hand and lead your opponent to think he has a winner. After someone shows his hand and everyone thinks he has won, the slow-rolling player makes some wisecrack like, "Good hand, but not good enough," as he tables the winner he knowingly held all along! This is just not nice. For winning friends and influencing people, this will not cut it. It is a mean thing to do. When you have the best hand, turn it up in a timely fashion. That is not to say that you may not wait until it is your turn (that is, showing in rotation), but act in a timely fashion when it is. On occasion, when you have legitimately overlooked your hand and are late tabling a winner, a verbal apology is expected and should be made.



Just recently, while playing Omaha eight-or-better, I overlooked a flush while knowing I held the nut low. It was a tiny flush, but a flush, nonetheless, and it beat the other player's straight. I felt bad that I had miscalled my hand. While I didn't slow-roll it, I did miscall it, and was so glad that I had tabled my cards. Of course, I immediately apologized and everyone had a good laugh at the fact that I didn't know what I held!



Never known as a fashion plate myself, I do try to dress appropriately when entering a cardroom, and I pride myself in being well-groomed. I often sit near someone who doesn't have that same level of concern for what is acceptable. I like to think that what I lack in style, I more than make up for in cleanliness and modesty. All too often lately I am finding a real crack problem in cardrooms – no, not crack as in cocaine, but crack as in plumber's butt! You know what I am talking about, and you know if you are a culprit. When you go to play, remember that you will be sitting for long periods of time. If your pants don't fully cover you when you are standing, how could they do so when you are seated? More and more, I am finding women also to be guilty of this fashion faux pas. It used to be the tool-belt guys, but no more. Hip-huggers are great, if you can wear 'em. But, tuck in your shirt so your stuff doesn't show, OK? We truly don't want to see it.



Also, tank tops and/or muscle shirts are another interesting topic. While the rules in the upscale cardrooms differ for men and women (no comment on that!), it would behoove you to know if you are cut out for these slinky tops. Men and women alike, please wear a size that fits, shave if you need to, and don't wear them if you scare yourself when you look in the mirror.



Recently, I have "gotten in shape" by working out regularly in the gym. I like to wear sleeveless tops, as I never before could "get away" with it. I recognized when these shirts didn't look good, so please do the same. Also, there are those shirts with the slogans that seemed so funny and cute when you bought them. Are they really funny or are they offensive, vile, vulgar, or crude? If you wouldn't wear such a shirt to your mother and father's house, don't wear it to the poker room. You will likely be playing with someone's parent. Wouldn't you want to respect them and expect your parents to be respected, as well? Humor is in the eye/ear of the recipient. Please show some class and respect that.



Also, to put it delicately, there is the issue of cleavage. We all know that all women are not created equal. Please leave something to the imagination. Sometimes, I see so much cleavage that it almost looks like plumber's butt in the front! I know that many men find this to be eye candy, but many do not. Just look in the mirror before you go out, OK?



I could go on and on, and I will in the next few columns. I have a few more topics to discuss in regard to players, and then I will address cardroom personnel. Class dismissed. ♠



As always, please contact me with your poker-related comments and questions. Also, please visit www.cardplayercruises.com for your travel connection, Mesquite Oasis Open info, and forthcoming info on the 2005 World Poker Players Conference.