"God Save the Queen," and all of her subjects who play poker. These guys are gonna need divine intervention if they hope to stay in money, but I'll get to them in my next column. I just got back from the
World Series of Poker Europe in London (not an Elton John concert, "God Save the Queen"), and it was great.
My entire immediate family went, so it was like the family trips of my youth, with the added bonus of actually having my father along with the rest of the family. I recently made a pledge to kinda stop and smell the roses when traveling all over the world to play poker. We go to the nicest cities, not only in the U.S. but all over the earth, to play poker. It's ridiculous to get there the day before the main event, and then jump on the first flight out after being knocked out.
I mean, seriously, that is a sin. I was on the
PartyPoker Million cruise, and after the first day, more than three-quarters of the field and I were eliminated. When we hit the first port, poker players were like rats fighting to get off that ship, get to a Mexican airport, and jump on a pre-World War II plane to get home.
Think about that for a second. People save for their entire lives to take a cruise like that. It was beautiful; the Love Boat had nothing on that ship. But, Dewey Tomko, Huck Seed, and Gus Hansen, just to name a few, abandoned ship at the first opportunity. I wish we hadn't docked for the whole week; then we'd have found out who the real sickos were by who ordered a helicopter.
I guess I shouldn't be pointing fingers. I was in Paris about 15 years ago and saw nothing. People always ask me about it, and all I can remember was paying $14 for a turkey sandwich at the airport. Well, no more! I've learned the error of my ways.
This time, I took advantage of my trip. We took a guided bus tour of the city of London. This was really cool; we sat on the top of a double-decker bus that was a convertible! (Luckily, there was no rain that day.) Then, we took another guided tour, on a boat up and down the Thames.
We spent an entire day at the Tower of London and still didn't see everything there. My wife and sister went back one day, but I didn't want to get up at 8 a.m. after staying out all night in a nightclub with Phil Hellmuth, drinking vodka and Cristal. I definitely want to go back on my next visit. The dungeons gave me great imagery for my fantasies of what I'd like to do to some of the guys who lay bad beats on me. The rack, the thumbscrew, and the boot are OK for most, but I'm saving bowel removal before beheading for the one-outers.
Umm … OK, I guess my mind is drifting; back to the pleasant sights of London. I was disappointed not to be able to go into Buckingham Palace. Inasmuch as the queen was home, no visitors were allowed inside. However, we did go through her extensive gardens, which were a sight to see. I wish my backyard looked like that. In fact, much of London is expansive, luxurious parks. They actually make up about a third of the city.
Besides the "sights," we went to many different restaurants and nightclubs. England isn't famous for its food, and we found out why; boiled meat, steak and kidney pie and baked beans for breakfast? Yuck! Thank God that there's a lot of Italians in London; I'll take their food any day.
The rest of the nightlife was great fun. We visited a few traditional pubs that were about as I'd imagined. We went to a few casinos that they call clubs. They were small, but nice. And we went to three plays, all musicals.
We first went to a very traditional play,
Les Miserables. It's about a French cop who had nothing better to do with his life than chase a poor guy who stole a loaf of bread to feed his dying nephew till they both died. After watching this play, I finally understand why the rest of the world hates France.
Next, we saw
Kabaret. No, I didn't misspell
Cabaret. This was a remake of the classic. It wasn't bad, but it let you know right away that main character Brian Roberts was gay, instead of springing it on you at the end. (And in
Kabaret, he was gay, not bisexual, as he was in
Cabaret. Hence, there was no three-way love story between him, Maximilian von Heune, and Sally Bowles.)
Finally, we saw
Footloose. Yes, that's right,
Footloose, as in Kevin Bacon. Now, for those of you who say I am too mean to my sister Pam, you can see what I've had to put up with my whole life. We let her pick one play, and this is what she comes up with! We're in the cultural capital of the world, London's West End, with more than 100 plays from which to choose, and this is what she picks!
I can hear the conversation at the ticket booth now. "Hello, madame, how may I help you this evening?"
"Well … my name's Pam. I'm an American tourist. I was the last Brunson standing! What movie do you recommend?"
"Well, madame, we refer to them as plays, not movies, and we have many fine ones from which to choose. There's
King Lear, The Phantom of the Opera, Chicago, Fiddler on the Roof, Macbeth, and many other fine classics."
"Do you have anything with Kevin Bacon? He's my favorite!"
"Hmm … well, we do have
Footloose."
"Oh, yes! Please give me eight nonrefundable tickets to that! I know my family will love that. They couldn't see it anywhere but London! Oh, did I mention … my name's Pam. I was the last Brunson standing!"
Needless to say, this wasn't quite as good as the first two plays. In fact, I wanted to walk out, but we were sitting in the middle seats and I didn't know how to get back to our hotel. I've been to see a lawyer to try to sue the producers for the three hours of my life they wasted.
Footloose aside, it was a grand trip and will go down as one of the highlights of my life. I loved every minute of it (except those three hours), and can't wait to go back. I think Samuel Johnson summed it up pretty well when he said, "When a man tires of London, he tires of life."
