Paddy's Corner

Who the Hell is Furlong?

I used to lose lots when betting on the basketball playoffs during the World Series. I know nothing about basketball, but it was great fun. When the dates got changed, I was horrified until I realised ESPN planned to cover the 2006 soccer World Cup and subsequently the 2008 European Championship. I didn't know they knew soccer was a sport, especially because the Americans aren't very good at it. Imagine my surprise when I found that they had an Irish guy doing the commentary on all the big games. He would probably have had trouble getting a job over here, just because of his accent. I never really could decide whether to turn the sound off or listen to his words of wisdom whilst wondering how the hell he ever got the job. At least I knew what he was saying.

Ciaran O'Leary phoned me the other day and told me he had just watched Marty Smyth's WSOP final table on ESPN. What a joke. Marty would be the first guy to tell you that Irish bridge superstar Tom Hanlon was probably the best Omaha player at the table. ESPN showed only his exit hand. To be fair, they hadn't time to show much else, as they were so busy showing "The Grinder" and one of the Pham lads. The Grinder's hold'em record speaks for itself, but to be fair, I'd have a better chance of being the first Irish astronaut on Mars than he would have of being accused of being an Omaha player.

At one stage, half the crowd burst out laughing after he called Billy the Croc. I assumed this hand didn't make the cut because you can't show the crowd laughing at an American, can you? It must have been a complete pain in the ass for the Yanks when an Irish guy and a Canadian played heads up for the title. The best laid plans, and so on ... Where is Phil Hellmuth when you need him? According to Ciaran, when an ecstatic Irish crowd was singing, "You'll never beat the Irish," the American commentators were reduced to asking what the Irish had ever won. If they really don't know, I wish the lad who's doing the soccer all the best. At least he knows what he's talking about.

Stereotyping Can Be Good

I was playing a tournament with T.J. Cloutier a few years ago at Bellagio. He made a great call, and afterward explained to me that he had played with the other guy before. T.J.'s great record as a tournament player, he'd tell you himself, is based on remembering every guy he's played against and exactly how he plays. I can barely remember what I had for lunch.

After a break, I sat down at the wrong table and passed a hand, and then raised the next one before somebody told me I wasn't supposed to be there. I'm probably not going to be the next T.J. Knowing players is an art form that's had better days. These days in a big event, you're more likely than not to be at a table where you know only one or two guys at most. You've got to start guessing, just like the Internet. Like, an Irish guy is likely to be drunk. With the Finns, it's practically guaranteed! An English guy is liable to be in love with himself. A guy from Houston will probably bet anything. And so on … It's not an exact science, but it's better than playing in the dark. Jesse May is an extraordinary player. While commentating, he gives the impression that he has little idea of what's going on. He keeps asking the colour guy questions. The truth is that he probably knows the answer better than the stiff beside him. I think it's called professionalism.

When he plays poker, anything can happen. He can play anything from 100-200 limit to 1-2 no-limit, based on a system that only he understands. Recently, he was playing 1-2 no-limit. The flop was A-A-9. His opponent had a bad ace and Jesse had a worse one, but when the 9 paired on the river, everyone was off the hook. Jesse checked-raised the guy and they split the pot. Happy days. Apparently not. The other guy went nuts, and told Jesse he was a complete idiot for raising when it was obvious they both had the ace. There followed a torrent of abuse for several minutes, in which the guy told Jesse what a complete cretin he was for costing them both extra rake. I think a figure of about 75 cents was involved. Jesse asked me to guess the guy's nationality. I played tight. I guessed German. I won. If it walks like a duck ...

Padraig Parkinson is well-known on the European poker scene, both for his poker prowess and sense of humour. He was one bluff away from winning the 1999 World Series of Poker, but unfortunately got called.