Funny Hands - Part I

My columns have been a bit on the serious side of late, so I thought this might be a good time to step back and take a look at the lighter side of poker with a few of the funniest hands I've witnessed over the past 35 years. Yes, I did say 35 years, even though I'm not even 40 yet. I witnessed some of the best ones as a youth at my father's side, although I don't think I'll get to any of those in this column.

However, if this turns out to be a popular concept with you readers, I've got plenty of them. My memory is very good, but as I said, some of the hands took place a long time ago, so if I get any facts wrong, I apologize in advance to those involved. I've changed or abbreviated some of the names to protect the innocent (and/or the stupid).

Since what's good for the goose is good for the gander, I'll start off with a hand that made yours truly the gander. This hand took place close to 20 years ago in the Oceanside Card Club. Lee Salem and I were regulars in the $20-$40 hold'em game that was spread regularly. There was a law there that stated that $20-$40 was the highest limits allowed to be played. As a result of not being able to kick the limits up, the game was like a pressure cooker with no release valve.

The live straddle (a blind raise in the first position, which was live) was the norm, and most pots were capped on every street. You probably know what the capped rule is, but I'm going to explain it briefly, as it is pertinent to this story. In limit games, you can raise to a total of four bets per round in California, five in Nevada. The cap is used only when three or more players are in a pot. In a heads-up pot, the rule changes and the gloves come off, as there is no limit on the number of raises. This is what makes this story so funny.

As I said, Lee and I were regulars with a long history against each other. If you know Lee and think he's a maniac now, you should have seen him back in the day. If you can find a dictionary from 1989, look up the word maniac and you'll see a picture of Lee smiling back at you.

This hand developed after a long, action-packed night. Lee was stuck and steaming, and looking to gamble. Everyone passed to him in the big blind, and he raised my live straddle. I looked down at 10-8 offsuit. It was not a great hand, but I'll take it all day long when getting laid 5.5-to-1 (my straddle was $40, Lee made it $60, and the small blind was $10, versus a $20 call).

The flop came 10-8-5 with two diamonds. Bingo! We proceeded to put in about 12 bets; remember, there's no cap when heads up. Fourth street brought an offsuit 6, which looked safe enough, so we put in another 13 or 14 bets. If you're wondering how I could put this much action in with just top two pair, reread what I just wrote about Lee. The dude's a maniac! And I'm not gonna let him "out-maniac" me.

Lee would put this much action in with any two pair, and since I had the boss two pair, I was ready to gamble. True, he could have had a set, but I really felt like he was on a draw, so I held my breath as the river card was dealt. It was the 2, a card that I thought changed nothing. Lee bet out again and I just called, figuring he couldn't call a raise unless he indeed had a set. (I guess he could have called with two pair, but the pot was big enough for me at this point.)

Just as I thought, Lee says, "You got it." But it was not as I thought, as I turned over 4-2 offsuit! What??? I quickly looked under my chip rack, then all around the table, and even on the floor. Those were my cards! The whole table stared at me in shock. I was assuming that I lost the pot, but Lee busted out laughing and said that he couldn't beat the pair of deuces that I made on the river.

My heart finally started beating again, and I joined in the laughter that had spread across the entire poker room. Lee was laughing harder than anyone, even though one of the most brutal things I've ever seen at a poker table (even to this day) had just happened to him. That's the kind of good-hearted guy Lee is. We still laugh about that incident to this day.

More funny hands to come in future columns.