The Rules Guy: How To Conduct Yourself at the Poker Table

Most players learn poker’s explicit rules pretty quickly: the “one-chip rule,” for example, or “verbal declarations are binding.” But not everyone seems to have digested the game’s vast book of unwritten rules, admonitions like “don’t berate other players (particularly bad ones)” or “say ‘nice hand’ even when you mean something entirely different.”

Enter “The Rules Guy.” TRG believes that civility and sportsmanship are never wrong, and that bad behavior (even when you’re simply trying to get an edge) is bad for the game. Have you got a question about how to conduct yourself at the poker table? Email TRG at [email protected].

TRG Props…to Greg Merson

Before this issue’s Q&A, The Rules Guy wants to salute Greg Merson for the graciousness he displayed when he won the WSOP main event in October. While his fans were going crazy, Merson made a point of walking around the table to console and salute his rival, Jesse Sylvia. A classy finish and one that earned him props from TRG (Merson also won a reasonably good “side pot” of $8.5 million). Well done! Now, on to two questions, one about table talk and one about berating.

Seriously: Don’t Talk About the Hand

Dear The Rules Guy:

I play in a friendly $8-$16 limit game at my local card room, but one regular drives me mental: he loves to provide running commentary. If an ace flops, he’ll mutter, “I folded an ace.” Or if the flop is all spades, he’ll say, “Uh-oh, flushie!” You get the point. Is he out of line? And what the hell can I do about him?

— Flustered in Florida

Dear Flustered:

Table talk. Coffeehousing. Kibitzing. No matter what you call it, the ability to chat is one of the things that makes live poker such a treat, particularly in home games (“Ralphie, you got nuttin’ but dreams; I call!”). Talk makes poker a social activity, and talk is why The Rules Guy always prefers live poker to online. Talk is good.

Except when it’s bad.

The chatter from your would-be Lon McEachern is bad, bad, bad. It’s bad because it’s incredibly annoying: stating the obvious is obviously stupid, along with inanities like “Jacks are cheap today!” But it’s really bad because it violates the cardinal rule of poker — the game’s “prime directive” as Lou Krieger and Sheree Bykofsky articulate it in their excellent book The Rules of Poker (Lyle Stuart): “One player per hand.”

They elaborate: “Poker is not a team competition, and each player is responsible for playing his or her hand without advice or assistance, either directly given or provided inadvertently by other players.”

It seems obvious that asking the player sitting next to you “What should I do?” is inappropriate. But far too many players don’t realize that idle, “innocent” remarks like those of the chatterbox you describe violate the letter and spirit of the “one player per hand” rule. When he points out the potential nuts (“Ten makes a straight!” or “Who’s got the diamond?”), he provides a little shred of information that the clueless, the drunk, or the tilter might have otherwise overlooked. TRG doubts that he is trying to help his opponents, but he should not— in fact, must not — speak about the hand while the action is unfolding.

So yes, he’s undoubtedly out of line. And if he keeps it up, you should do something about it. TRG’s style is typically indirect and non-confrontational; you don’t want to be the hall monitor and you don’t want to make an enemy at the table. If you’re seated near the dealer, just say, quietly, “Could you remind the table not to talk about the action during a hand?” Or wait for the offender to take a break and then speak up. Or speak to a floor person, away from the table (and tip the floor for dealing with it effectively).

If you’re politic, you won’t be seen as the bad guy. And if you absolutely, positively have to speak directly to an offender, be as generous and non-confrontational as you can be: “I’m sorry to be a nit, but would you mind not talking about the hand until after the pot is pushed?” A smile helps.

This is not to say all conversation must stop during a hand. But there’s a right way and a wrong way to converse at the table. Don’t speak to someone in a hand, even if you’re in mid-conversation when he’s reaching for chips. Keep your voice down if the pot is large or important, like on the bubble of a tournament. The ever reliable Tommy Angelo says conversation should not cross the imaginary line running between an active player and the pot (example: zip it if you’re in the hijack seat talking to an under-the-gun, out-of-the-hand player while the button and the big blind are battling it out; see page 47 of Angelo’s Elements of Poker). If Angelo says it, TRG agrees.

One more observation on table talk: What’s permissible when you’re heads-up? Some players (think Daniel Negreanu) believe that talking about your hand is perfectly legit when the action is one-on-one; wiser heads than TRG’s will have to settle this and codify it. But for most players, shutting up is the wisest course of action. You risk looking like a TV poker wannabe when you ask, “Why so much?” or “Flush draw?” Second, when you ask about an opponent’s hand you probably reveal more about your hand than you realize, in the whole “strong means weak” dynamic that Mike Caro discusses. Loose lips dump chips.

No one wants live poker to be as mind-numbingly antisocial as online poker, but there’s a time for conversation and a time to shut the hell up. Know the difference, and your opponents will thank you.

More Seriously: Don’t Berate

Dear TRG:

I know it’s not OK to berate the fish, but is it OK to berate the dealers? Like when they take forever to count pots or take a wee break between burning and turning?
—Kvetcher in Kiev

Dear Kvetcher:

You know the answer to this, but it’s still worth pointing out: No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Don’t berate the dealer.

You may point out mistakes, in counting pots or reading hands (and note that pointing out the winner when the action is complete is the right and obligation of anyone at the table, in the hand or not). You may grouse if a dealer is not focused, consistently makes mistakes, or isn’t keeping control over the game. But two things you must never, ever do: Berate the dealer as if he or she were a simpleton or a serf. (And never blame anyone but the poker gods for the appearance, or lack thereof, of a particular card; the dealer is merely the channel for the cards’ random, uncontrollable flow.)

In fact, TRG will go further: Don’t berate anyone who works in the poker room. Not the dealers, not the chip runners, not the service people, not the floor people, and not the cashiers. And TRG will go further still: Don’t berate anyone, period, full stop. Not shop clerks or receptionists or co-workers or heads of state or children or dogs. Especially not dogs. You may, however, berate telemarketers (they deserve it).

Berating really should not be part of a civilized society. Let the anger go and seek justice and redress with respect and rationality. And when we berate, we get emotional — and when we get emotional, we make bad decisions. Berating is a negative expected value (EV) move. Don’t do it! ♠

Comments? Questions? Behavioral issues? Email The Rules Guy at [email protected].