The Proper Way to Behave

A lot has been written about the proper way to behave at the poker table. Usually, the advice given is directed at serious players who are trying to play poker well or are moving up the ranks. It usually is not directed at bad players. Because they lose so much money, most of us don't really care how they behave. They may be the most unpleasant or obnoxious people in the house, but if we can expect to take their money, there is nothing to complain about, right? What's more, lots of these bad (behaving) players don't read Card Player on a regular basis, so what's the use in trying to improve their behavior by writing articles they don't read anyway?

When authors talk about the proper way to behave, their advice usually comes down to this:

1. Don't curse at the dealers, throw cards, and so on. The dealers are only doing their job and have no influence on the cards, and we need them, because without them there is no game.

2. Don't embarrass or criticize the weak players. They might feel unwelcome and leave, or start tightening up and play better, making the game tougher to beat.

People who know me or have played with me know that I'm a European poker player. Most of the time I play in the Netherlands, France, or Austria; I play in the United States only on rare occasions. There are a few reasons for this: (a) the opposition in the United States is usually tougher at the limits I like to play; (b) there are good games just around the corner in Europe; it would be silly to spend lots of money on flights and hotel accommodations when there's no real need to; and © my favorite game (pot-limit Omaha) has become a huge success in Europe, but it isn't as big in the United States yet.

My reluctance to come over has nothing to do with the overall better behavior of European players, even though it is true that in general we tend to behave a little bit better than our American counterparts. Quite a few of the (good) European players believe poker should be fun for everyone, and that even though our ultimate goal is to win money, we should try to create a friendly atmosphere for our less-skilled opponents. In fact, most of the time our opponents know we are being nice and courteous because we want to take their money, but if the games are exciting and players are laughing and talking, losing a little doesn't matter that much to them.

On my last visit to the United States, I noticed that some of the better middle-limit players had started acting like this, as well – figuring that it's in everybody's best interest to play in a pleasant atmosphere – and that players in general seemed to behave a little bit better than they used to. Still, there are quite a few unfriendly or even obnoxious people around – and quite often it's the more skilled players who behave like this.

Part of the problem may be that people in the United States have gotten the wrong examples, because some of the best players used to make it a habit to curse at the dealers or lecture and criticize their opponents. Even now, some of the most talented, most successful players are known for their emotional outbursts, for their inability to cope with the luck factor and the swings of the game, and for ridiculing stupid plays on occasion. If a young player who has just started playing poker sees that the best players are acting like this, what is he supposed to think? He can either think, "Hey, I don't like the way this guy acts, and I'm going to do things differently," or, more likely, he will think this is the way a good player is supposed to act. Thus, he may start behaving like this himself, trying to prove how good a player he already is, and only making matters worse.

During the annual Master Classics of Poker tournaments in Amsterdam, I have had the honor of meeting some famous American players. While some of them acted very nice and friendly and were in fact a pleasure to meet, I was surprised to see that not all of them showed the same amount of class when they were in a game. For example, I witnessed one who cursed at the dealers nonstop and acted as if no other player but him knew how to play the game. Now, I am sure he's a great player (in fact, his results speak for themselves), and lots of people have told me he is actually one of the nicest and friendliest guys around – so why doesn't he act like that when the cards are in the air? At the same time, I saw another successful tournament player ridicule his less-skilled opponents for calling raises with insufficient values. With all the respect that I have for their knowledge of the game and their obvious poker skills, I cannot understand why these players act the way that they do. Without the presence of supposedly weaker players, most professional players would have no living at all; they would only play each other, and there wouldn't be much of an overlay, right? Now, while I can understand that some of the wannabes would resort to this type of behavior in order to prove how good they already are, if some of the best players in the world routinely behave like this, I think we have a serious problem.

In my opinion, it is a good thing to try to make your less-skilled opponents enjoy the game – after all, enjoyment is what they came for. One of the best ways to make money in poker is to ensure that the recreational players feel comfortable and enjoy playing with you. I know that in the really big games, all of this may not be that much of an issue, because everybody knows how to play to a certain degree, and because most of the regulars have been around for quite some time, are used to all different kinds of behavior, and therefore are not that easily offended anymore. Still, in my opinion, proper behavior should start at the top. The best players should be aware that they are role models for thousands of people who have just picked up the game. If new players feel intimidated by the behavior of their more experienced opponents, they may become even more afraid of playing poker than they already are, and decide to simply quit the game – or improve and get tougher to beat. If, on the other hand, professional players are nice and courteous toward the novices, they might feel more welcome, enjoy themselves more, and do nothing to improve their poker skills – even though they almost always lose – simply because they are having such a good time. If people start to think that someone who is nice and friendly cannot be a good player ("because good players don't act like that"), that's not good for poker.