Internet Software Aggravations

Last fall I started playing a lot of poker on the Internet. It turns out that I had some serious misconceptions regarding the technical part of this activity. The Internet is for techies, so they will do things more competently than in regular cardrooms, right?

I know lots of regular cardrooms that are run rather sloppily, which I attribute at least in part to a lack of competition. (I think this is an even bigger problem in Europe, especially England.) Someone with a monopoly – it does not have to be a gambling establishment – is rarely going to put forth the effort to run a top-notch operation and do whatever it takes to please its customers. Rather, the attitude of the monopolist reminds me of the old expression that I first heard nearly half a century ago from a runaway teenage girl, who told her parents, "My way or the highway." But the Internet is different. It is an open market where poker sites hotly compete with each other for customers. Since offering superior software is one of the ways to induce customers, I assumed that the technical part of spreading a game would be done very well, at least on the better sites. I was wrong, dead wrong. Let me tell you about some of the problems I have had with Internet poker software working in far less than optimal fashion. (I do not claim that some of the mistakes I have encountered are on every site, but I have yet to find the perfect place for poker software.)

In a regular cardroom, if you take one of the blinds, go all in, and lose, you simply say, "Deal me a hand," as you dig for more money. I do not recall any dealer holding up a game or dealing around a player who made such a request. On the Internet, it is, unfortunately, different. Expect to be dealt out as you go to the cashier to purchase more ammo. It is annoying to miss your button after posting the blinds, so it would be nice if there were a quick way to play for the minimum buy-in until you could purchase the amount you really want to play. Perhaps after you go broke, an "insta-purchase" button could be flashed on the screen before the next hand is dealt, allowing a quick rejoin.

Let's suppose you go broke on the hand before you are due for your big blind. The light is blinking in front of the player on your left, giving him a chance to post. You make a blazingly fast trip to the cashier and now are ready to take the big blind. Too late, my friend. Once you are unavailable, the opportunity to take the blind does not back up. The dude on your left is still pondering, and you are frantically pushing buttons, but to no avail. You are doomed to sit out until the dealer button passes your position.

A lot of the glitches I have run into involve the blinds. Here is a frequent one for me. I am already playing in a couple of games, and wish to get into a third. I am called for the game, take my seat, and see a menu that gives me the choice of either posting now or pushing the button that reads, "Wait for big blind." If I cannot come in behind the button, I usually elect to push that button that has me wait. (Naturally, it requires less patience to wait when you are already in action on two tables.) A pop-up menu is supposed to superimpose itself on my screen when it is time to take my blind. But sometimes I wait, and wait, and wait. This will happen when, on the hand before I am due for the blind, one of the players in the blind goes broke or leaves the table. Then, the player on my left gets to take the big blind, and I continue to be dealt out. Unless I notice what has happened, the dealer button will make another complete revolution around the table before I get to play in that game. Of course, it is possible to have another glitch like this on the next round, and the next …

Sometimes, one is not so eager to take the big blind – for example, in a tournament. I played in an Internet tournament recently and got down to short money, and had an amazing thing happen. On the hand immediately before I was doomed to take the big blind with my entire stack, both players who had been in the blinds were knocked out of the tournament. The dealer button jumped into position right in front of me, and I did not have to post anything that round. The very next round, the exact same thing happened. Again, both blinds got knocked out, and I did not have to post. This was early in the event, but I was wishing it would happen at the final table with the other short stacks fuming at my good luck – with the follow-up that I go on to win the event.

Playing in several games at the same time is easier if you get into seats where you can arrange the tables on your screen to at least keep an eye on your own seat in each game. This often requires you to get a seat change, which is easier said than done. If there is a list for the game, a new player is popped into an empty seat immediately. Players in the game have no option to switch. That's understandable, as no one likes musical chairs at the poker table. But suppose there is no list? You would think there would be some way to hop into that empty seat. But, there is only one way: You have to quit the game and re-enter it before someone gets into your seat. I recently had a not-so-amusing thing happen when trying to do this. I folded my hand, quit the game, and immediately tried to re-enter. A pop-up menu appeared and informed me that I had to wait until the hand I had been in was over before I could take the seat! (Of course, anyone else in the world but me could jump into the seat immediately.) As fate would have it, the hand was played out like a slow-motion movie. First, the action was held up while a player who was disconnected had the opportunity to rejoin. The game was pot-limit Omaha and the fellow had made a big preflop raise (pocket aces?), and an ace came on the flop. I am sure the other active players were viewing this race against time for the fellow to reconnect as if a major drama were being played out. The guy never made it back, and a relieved aces up won the pot. The rest of the hand also went slowly, but I managed to get back into the game all right. Let that be a lesson to you; leave to rejoin only in between hands.

Here is an incident that happened to me while trying to rebuy after going broke. You will find it amusing, but I didn't at the time. I bought the minimum buy-in amount, then changed my mind and added more. But somehow, I fumbled and accidentally bought more chips than I wanted. The software would not let me trim back down, so I did the sensible thing – I thought. I quit the game, then tried to re-enter. However, when I tried to get back into the game with the amount that I wanted to play, I was not admitted. A pop-up menu came up explaining that I had to purchase at least the amount I had "quit" with – even though I had never played a hand with that money! I was mad enough to bite through a steel nail.

These incidents are no doubt humorous to read about, but they are sad to experience. I would love to have the opportunity to work with the software programmers on an Internet poker site to create some very good graphical displays for the players, so that we no longer would have to endure such software snafus. I would consider being a site's host (for no-limit hold'em and/or pot-limit Omaha) if I could have the opportunity to create and play on some high-quality software.

Editor's note: Bob Ciaffone's latest book, Middle Limit Holdem Poker, co-authored with Jim Brier, is available now (332 pages, $25 plus $7 shipping and handling). This work and his other poker books, Pot-limit and No-limit Poker, Improve Your Poker, and Omaha Holdem Poker, can be ordered through Card Player. Ciaffone is available for poker lessons. E-mail [email protected] or call (989) 792-0884. His website is www.diamondcs.net/~thecoach, where you can download Robert's Rules of Poker for free.