Of Mice and Monkeys

It has long been known that we Americans are obsessed with health and beauty. Almost every magazine you pick up has someone giving advice on how to look better – usually meaning how to lose those extra pounds. I don't know how many people have the problem of being underweight, but whatever small number it is, they get even less attention than their small number dictates they should. You just never see an article about "how to gain those needed pounds in only two weeks." So, to keep this column fairly short, I too am going to deny those lightweights equal time. I am going to aim my column at the big market – those of us who, in order to be more beautiful and healthy, should be losing a few or more pounds.

What would you do if I told you that the excess weight you are carrying will cut down on the number of years you will live. Would you start a diet tomorrow? Would you discard pizza for broccoli? Well, far be it from me to try to coax you into passing up all that good food that is served in all our casinos by promising you something as unimportant as a few more years on planet Earth.

But, here's the good part: If I told you that you could get much better results at the poker table if you went on a calorie-restricted diet, would that stimulate a little more interest? What if I could promise you that not only would you think more clearly when you're playing, but that your thought processes would be quicker and you would be capable of using more reasoning power? What if I added that it wouldn't even take weeks to see results, but just a few short days?

If all this sounds too good to be true, like more rubbish to sell a book or program, think again. Scientists have done several studies with mice in which they restricted their caloric intake by as much as 50 percent. They then put the mice through tests and monitored their every action.

For starters, the mice had an increased life span of 40 percent. But we went over that earlier, and that's not the part we're interested in. What's interesting to us poker players is that the mice were able to navigate the mazes much better and faster. The conclusion was obvious: The mice thought more clearly and reasoned better, and enjoyed that small added bonus – they lived 40 percent longer.

Another similar study with adult monkeys restricted their diets by 30 percent. Scientists concluded that monkeys also seem to have better cognitive powers while becoming healthier and experiencing an increased life span.

Finally, in around 1990, scientists put eight men and women into a closed ecological space. It was called the "Biosphere 11 Project." The eight men and women were in the project for a period of two years. They too were given a more calorie-restricted, nutrient-dense diet. As was the case in all the other studies on mice and monkeys, the conclusion was consistent. I guess that, plainly put in layman's terms, we probably would function better, think more clearly, and live longer if we restricted our caloric intake.

I have always been interested in this subject and have saved much of the literature on these studies. Over the years I have tried to conduct my own little personal studies, and although they might have lacked scientific validity, they were convincing enough for me. I experimented with when and how much I ate before playing, and tried to do the experimenting for a length of time that would take most of the short-term variable factors out of the equation. I was meticulous with the bookkeeping of my poker results. Before long, there was absolutely no doubt that my results were much better during periods of caloric restriction. Usually, at least in my case, the length of time for the "clearer head" to kick in was three or four days.

Most of you who know me are probably chuckling as you read this. Vince Burgio, of all people, telling people to eat less. I guess it's obvious that I have a little trouble taking my own advice. The truth is, I am absolutely sure that what I have talked about above is true. It would definitely benefit almost all of us to cut way down on our food intake.

But – it is also true that for me, like a lot of others who enjoy good food, it is a constant battle to keep from being overweight, let alone being the lean, mean, thinking machine that I would like to be.

Oh, I almost forgot – have a nice holiday.

For what it's worth …