Poker Tales

The World Poker Tour staff enjoyed some time off recently between the end of filming season two and the beginning of season three, so I actually had time to play some poker. When I play, I am always on the lookout for something I hear or see that might be interesting or funny to readers. Here are some quips from my recent notes:

David "Devilfish" Ulliott should have been a stand-up comedian … Devilfish was at my table recently for several hours during a major tournament. He was very entertaining with his ongoing quips. He started out by telling us how poor his family was during his childhood. "We were so poor that at Christmas time, we got a box that was empty except for two batteries and a note attached that said, 'Sorry, toy not included.'

He then told a few stories about advice his grandpa had given him, such as, "Be very careful when you play poker. I lost my entire paycheck three months in a row during my Navy days when playing with marked cards." Devilfish said he asked his grandfather how he knew the cards were marked, and he replied, "Because I marked them."

His father gave him some good advice, also. "Son, if you can just remember three little words, you will never be broke … stick 'em up!"

Overheard in the ladies restroom during one of Bellagio's major tournaments … "I really like being a woman, especially when it comes time for the restroom breaks during these tournaments. There are 200 men in line for the men's restroom."

Spoken at the poker table just before time for the limits to be raised … "It's time to change gears. I'm going to have to start going for quantity, not quality hands."

Overheard from the rail … Sometimes the comments made from spectators can be quite funny, especially when one of them thinks he is a poker authority. During a recent $40 buy-in tournament at the Sahara, a husband was explaining to his wife what was happening on the poker tables they were watching. "Each player here put up $50,000 to play. They all bluff every time they make a bet. They just pretend to look at their cards. Then at the end of the tournament, someone here will win about $10 million."

Another man was observing and giving advice while watching a stud tournament: "It doesn't really matter if you start with a good hand or a bad hand. It's easier to make a pair if you don't start with one."

Fossil … Just prior to the start of the final table of the World Series championship, I was congratulating Al Krux for making it to the final nine. Al and I have known each other for about 25 years, and we started talking about so many of the players being so young. He said, "I'm glad they explained that 'Fossilman' is Greg Raymer's nickname … I thought they were referring to me as 'Fossilman'."

Highest-limit game in the world … While playing $100-$200 Omaha eight-or-better recently at Bellagio, I looked over to see what all the commotion was about at the table next to me. It was also a $100-$200 game, but with three more zeros in it … $100,000-$200,000 limit hold'em with a $10 million buy-in.

Pet Peeve … One of my pet peeves occurs when a player gets eliminated from a tournament and the dealer yells out something like, "I've lost one on table 12," or, "Player down on table 14." It makes it sound like the player died. I agree with what Andy Glazer wrote in one of his WSOP reports: "One thing I particularly liked about the way officials handled matters is that as players got knocked out in the money, the dealer, instead of announcing, "Seat open, table 112," shouted, "Winner, table 112," and in most cases, they were able to announce the player's name to the crowd, so that onlookers and players could applaud."

Oops … Did you see the CNN report about the New Yorker who was scheduled to be sentenced for masterminding an illegal million-dollar investment scheme but went to the WSOP instead to play poker? He sent the judge a fax stating that he was trying to win money to make restitution to his victims. The judge was not amused and issued a bench warrant for his arrest.

The world of poker can be a funny one. Please feel free to e-mail me with funny quotes and tales you see while playing our favorite game.

Now, let's play poker!

Linda Johnson is available to host poker events and seminars. Her website is www.cardplayercruises.com.