Deal Me the - - - - In!

One of the funniest things I have ever witnessed at a poker table occurred recently at the L.A. Poker Classic World Poker Tour(WPT) final event at Commerce Casino. My first table had Layne Flack, Sam Grizzle, Erick Lindgren, a few unknown players, and one unoccupied seat. Before the tournament, an announcement was made that anyone using the "f" word – or the "f" bomb, as they liked to refer to it – would receive a 10-minute penalty. They then mentioned that a second dropping of the "f" bomb would result in a 20-minute penalty, and warned us that we didn't want to find out what the penalty was for a third "f" bomb.

Seventy minutes into the tournament, Phil Hellmuth strolled in and took the unoccupied seat at our already tough table. Not much more than 15 minutes went by after Phil arrived when one of the few unknown players at the table started to hassle Phil about something. Phil, remaining calm but obviously annoyed at the player's antics, started having a peaceful discussion with the player across the table. Finally, Phil said in a very calm manner, "I don't need to – – – – – – – argue with you anymore." The table immediately went quiet as Jane, the dealer, lifted her arm to signal for a floorperson. Phil was in quite a state of confusion as to why Jane was signaling for a floorperson. Several of us at the table tried to explain to Phil that the WPT had just adopted a new rule penalizing swearing. Well, actually, I think they technically are just penalizing the "f" word, although I'm sure that blatant use of many other profanities could rack up some penalty time, as well. Phil was clearly upset that a floorperson had been called over and tried in vain to debate his side of the issue, stating that he had just used the word casually in a sentence and had not directed it at any of the players or the dealer. The floorperson stood by the new rule and gave Phil a 10-minute penalty, placing a clock by his chips and ushering the disgruntled Phil out of the tournament area.

When the 10 minutes were up, Phil made his way back to the table. The clock now read zero on it, and Phil picked it up and showed it to Jane, confirming that it did in fact read zero. Then, Phil said in an extremely calm manner: "Dealer, my 10 minutes are up, the clock reads zero, now deal me the – – – – in!" At this point, the entire table erupted in laughter, and Jane immediately put her hands up once again to signal a floorperson. The floorperson came over immediately, listened to what happened, and proceeded to give Phil a 20-minute penalty. Phil was shocked at this, since not hearing the announcement, he did not know that dropping the "f" bomb repeatedly resulted in stiffer and stiffer penalties. Phil asked the floorperson what he would get for a third "f" bomb, and he was told he would get a 40-minute penalty, as he was escorted out of the tournament area once again.

The table was buzzing with talk regarding the swearing penalties and what we had just witnessed. Players were drawing up odds on whether or not Phil would curse again once his 20-minute penalty was up. Layne Flack insisted that he could provoke Phil to swear again, once he got back to the table. After Phil was allowed back at the table, everyone was eager to see if he would pull any more antics. Phil resisted dropping another "f" bomb, and was not penalized for the remainder of the tournament.

I really admire Phil's actions in this situation. He came back to the table after his 10-minute penalty and blatantly swore, knowing that he would get a penalty, just to point out that he thought the rule was silly. I agree with him that the rule is silly, unlike many of the WPT's new rules with which I do agree, like not being able to talk on your cellphone while you're in a hand. I think that is a great rule, but I really do not like the no-swearing rule. I just think it is unnecessary and patronizes the players. I mean, what if the NBA or NFL had an inflexible no-swearing rule and your favorite player had to miss a few minutes because he slipped up and said some expletive in the heat of the moment? And can you imagine any home poker game that didn't allow swearing? How much fun would that be? We are not talking about the final table of the tournament, which is televised – although even that is taped, so any swear word could be beeped or cut out; we are talking about day one of a five-day tournament. What's worse about the no-swearing rule is that even though it is supposed to be completely inflexible, it is inconsistently enforced because it still relies on the dealer to call a floorperson to report a player for swearing. Dealers in general do not like to call a floorperson unless it is absolutely necessary, and I know many dealers who would not enforce this rule unless the swearing was very rude or was directed at them or another player.

I noticed huge inconsistencies in when dealers would report a player for swearing and when they would not, and the inconsistencies seemed to revolve entirely around who the individual dealers were and not how blatant the swearing was. Ironically, later in the day Phil and I were seated right next to one another at a completely different table. When we were seated, Phil confirmed that he had intentionally sworn the second time, stating that he hated the no-swearing rule and that we poker players never cared much for social norms, as evidenced by the fact that we play poker for a living. After a little bit of play at this new table, I noticed that a few of the players at one end of the table were laughing and carrying on amongst themselves. A big, muscular, younger man to my left asked them what was so funny, and one of them replied that they thought he looked like a cross between Chris Farley and Mickey Rooney. The young man took offense and seriously asked the other player if he had ever had his – – – – – – – nose broken before. Now, even I was pretty shocked at that comment, and thought it deserved some repercussions. I'm sure that Jane would have been flailing her arms immediately for a floorperson. However, the dealer at this table sat completely silent, even when action obviously needed to be taken, with or without a no-swearing rule in effect. Poor Phil racked up 30 minutes in penalties (after showing up 70 minutes late on his own behalf) for a little harmless cussing, while this player physically threatened another player on the other side of the table and got no penalty, no warning – nothing.

I think the WPT could do away with the no-swearing rule and just train dealers better on what is unacceptable conduct at the table that needs to be reported to the floor. I am all for showing poker in a clean and respectable fashion, but I also realize that we all are human, and that most if not all of us have sworn at one time or another at a poker table. I don't really think an occasional cuss word will make poker look bad, but I don't see the WPT changing its rule anytime soon, so we had better watch our mouths!

Thomas "Thunder" Keller is a 24-year-old professional poker player and one of poker's young and rising stars. He can often be found playing at Ultimatebet.com under the name gummybear. To learn more about him, go to his website at www.thunderkeller.com.