Attention! Getting One's Goat, and Giving a Gift

There is always so much to cover in poker. I keep thinking that my column topics will run out, and then I find that I have a long list of items that I'd like to address. This column will cover some habits to avoid at the poker table, as well as some gifts that might get you out of the doghouse with someone special. I am not planning to start another rant on my pet peeves, but I have had quite a bit of e-mail lately about players who want to be "table captains," so I would like to give you my thoughts on the subject, as well as explain to you what it is.



Who is a table captain? First of all, please note that, just like witches, there are good table captains as well as bad ones. For the bad ones, think back to when you were in school and there was one smarty-pants whom everyone thought of with disdain. It was as if his whole purpose in life was to undercut anything anyone said to the teacher in order to make himself look better and smarter. Oftentimes he was right, and his words were a good thing. Unfortunately, oftentimes his words were correct, but were presented in such a manner as to make the original speaker feel stupid. A bad table captain at the poker table is this smarty-pants. More often than not, his information is good and appropriate. However, when a player constantly tries to run the game, his words fall on defensive ears – not only the players', but the dealer's as well.



As a player in the game, it is your duty to do everything within your power to see to it that the game is run accurately and properly at all times. That means speaking up promptly when you see an error about to be made or in a timely enough fashion to correct an error that already has been made. It is appropriate and helpful for a player to make comments in this regard. What is not good is a player who keeps a running commentary on the game, calling the action before the dealer has a chance, moving the button himself, telling the players to ante or post their blinds, or otherwise interfering with the normal flow of a game that is being run by an able dealer. Yes, there are dealers who don't run a game as well as others, and they do need assistance. However, less is more. A low-key approach to being a helpful and watchful eye at the table is appreciated by all – dealers, floorpersons, and players alike. A smarty-pants is thought of just as he was in grade school. So, if you are a bad table captain, perhaps it is time to tone it down a tad.



Don't get me wrong, a good table captain can be an invaluable asset to the players, the dealer, and the house. He makes suggestions and comments only as needed, and truly helps with the proper flow of the game. I have found myself in this position on more than one occasion. With the tremendous growth of poker and the influx of novice dealers, it would be unrealistic to think that they have totally mastered all of the many aspects of dealing the games. And this is where you can be so wonderfully helpful. Reminding a dealer, in a kind way, that it's a kill pot, the button is dead, the player in the No. 3 seat needs an absent button, or the player in seat No. 2 owes a blind is the proper way to be a table captain.



So, if you've made yourself look like a jerk in a poker game while trying to show everyone how smart you are, what can you do to get in everyone's good favor again? For one thing, you can start becoming a good table captain. Also, and most importantly, apologize for you boorish behavior. Hopefully, we all know how to apologize and learn from our errors.



Now, if you are also in the doghouse for whatever reason with friends or loved ones, there are some cool new poker products on the market. Give a friend or loved one a poker gift and get out of that doghouse. There are bobbleheads, poker CDs, books, audio tapes, DVDs, and many clothing lines that feature your favorite players. There are customized poker chips and paraphernalia, poker tables, posters and artwork, signed lithographs, and so on.



Recently, a friend of mine told me about a new poker product that I thought was pretty cool, and it serves a real function. It is a mousepad (called PokerPadz) for your computer that is made to look like the green-felt top of a poker table. You can have it customized, and it even comes with a stack of chips, so that you can practice your riffle while waiting for the next hand to be dealt, or while thinking of the next thing you need to do while working at the computer.



Anyway, these are just a few ideas of what to get someone special, especially if you've been bad! Class dismissed.

As I write this, I am on the Westerdam, the Holland America ship that will host the PartyPoker Million V. There is still time to win an entry online, but time is running out. As always, please write me with your poker-related questions, comments, and column ideas. I personally will answer each e-mail I receive. I can be reached at [email protected]. You also are invited to visit http://www.cardplayercruises.com/ for your poker travel needs and other poker-related items.