The Nuts

Poker players love to have the nuts, so much so that they have many terms for this desirable holding.

The Official Dictionary of Poker lists the following as synonyms for the nuts: the berries, the Brazilians, the Brass Brazilians, the chingaderos, a cinch hand, a cinch, the como se llamos, los cojones, a duke, the golyoonies, the Holy City, an immortal, an immortal hand, the immortals, the immortal nuts, a mortal cinch, the mortal nuts, the mortals, the pure nuts, the Royal Brazilians, the Royal Brass Brazilians, the watchamacallits, and the World's Fair.

So, what are the nuts? 1. A very good hand. "Every time I get a good hand, they show me the nuts." 2. The best possible hand at a given point in a pot. For example, in hold'em, if the board is K J 9 4, then A with any other club is the nuts. (A river card that pairs one of the boardcards could change the nuts.) Compare with second nuts and third nuts.

The second nuts, in hold'em, is the second-best possible hand for a situation. For exam­ple, if four spades (not including either the ace or king) and no pairs are on the board, the nuts would be an ace-high flush (that is, the A in the possession of any player), while the second nuts would be a king-high flush.

The third nuts is the third-best possible hand for the situation. For example, if the same cards as the previous paragraph are on the board, the nuts would be an ace-high flush (that is, the A in the possession of any player), the second nuts a king-high flush, while the third nuts would be a queen-high flush.

Here is a little more about some of these terms:
The mortals, or the mortal nuts, are also called the immortals.

An immortal is also the nuts, but of a particular kind. This term is generally preceded by an, not the. It's an unbeatable hand, based on circumstances. For example, in seven-card stud, on the river (the last card, dealt facedown), you have four aces, and no one shows two cards to a straight flush, so no one can have you beat. You have an immortal. It's also any perfect hand, such as a royal flush in high poker or a wheel in low poker. This term is frequently found in poker litera­ture, particularly that of years gone by, but is not at all common in card­rooms. A related term is lock.

A lock, in any form of poker, is a hand that cannot lose in a given situation. And in lowball, it's a hand that cannot lose. If the player with a lock is first to bet, he likely has a wheel; if the other players pass to him, in a game with the sevens rule, he has a 7 or better.

Los cojones is Spanish, for, figuratively, the nuts, that is; not those that grow on trees. The term, much found in the writing of Ernest Hemingway, is a synonym for intestinal fortitude. The word is pronounced co-HO-nayss.

The chingaderos, another Spanish borrowing, is another of those terms not literally translatable in a family magazine, but also not meant to be translated in usage, anyway. It's sort of a term applied to any undefined object, like thingamajigs or thingies. Even though it comes from Spanish, the word is preceded by the, not los. "You better get out. I've got the chingaderos."

The como se llamos is also Spanish, and can be rendered literally here. It means the watchamacallits.

You can usually tell by context what someone means by the particular term he uses. "I wouldn't call that bet with your money; he's got a duke this time." "Watch out for this guy. If he's in a pot with you, he'll show you the World's Fair and the Holy City." That's just a colorful way of saying the player in question is a nuts player; that is, he plays tight.

Although the Brazilians, the Brass Brazilians, the Royal Brazilians, and the Royal Brass Brazilians are all names for the same thing, there is a sort of hierarchy. I listed them in ascending order, so the Brass Brazilians are better than the Brazilians, and so on.

Regarding hierarchies, there are two hand classifications that both mean the nuts. That is, if someone says he has either of these, he has you beat. However, one is definitely better than the other. Both terms come from the good old days of draw poker and lowball, though they have their application, with slight modification, to present times.

An Oh s---! hand is a hand on which a player has wagered his last chips and over which the player exclaims, "Oh s---!," ostensibly because he has missed his draw, but usually because he is trying to lure unwary flies into his web. Oh s---! hands are usually beat only by going home hands.

A going home hand is one on which a player has wagered his last chips and will go home if he loses. Generally, the player puts all of his chips in the pot prior to the call from another player, or prior to the draw in draw poker or lowball, stands up, and says, "If I lose this one, I'm going home." A going home hand usually beats an Oh s---! hand.

Michael Wiesenberg's The Ultimate Casino Guide, published by Sourcebooks, is available at fine bookstores and at Amazon.com and other online book purveyors. Send e-mail to [email protected].