The Rules Guy: How To Conduct Yourself at the Poker Table

Most players learn poker’s explicit rules pretty quickly: the “one-chip rule,” for example, or “verbal declarations are binding.” But not everyone seems to have digested the game’s vast book of unwritten rules, admonitions like “don’t berate other players (particularly bad ones)” or “say ‘nice hand’ even when you mean something entirely different.”

Enter “The Rules Guy.” TRG believes that civility and sportsmanship are never wrong, and that bad behavior (even when you’re simply trying to get an edge) is bad for the game. Have you got a question about how to conduct yourself at the poker table? Email TRG at [email protected].

That Ain’t No Slow Roll

Dear The Rules Guy:

I was heads-up in position against a player I had covered, and he was taking the lead in a cash game. I made Broadway on the turn (no flush or pair showing), my opponent moved in, and I snap called. The river was a blank, but I didn’t immediately table my nut straight because I’d called him and I wanted to see his hand. About 10 seconds after the river, he said “two pair” and I showed my cards. He mucked and I didn’t ask to see his cards. Later, a different player accused me of slowrolling — I disagreed. What do you think?

— DB in Mississippi

Dear DB,

Rest easy, DB: You did not slowroll your opponent — not by a longshot. Imagine a slightly different scenario: Your opponent moves in on the turn, then tables his two pair as soon as the river card is dealt (since there’s no action), confident, or at least hopeful, he’s good. You then give a good long glance at his two pair, then at the community cards. You sigh (at which point he’s mentally counting the chips he’ll add to his stack). Then you turn over one card, reinforcing his hope that you had a busted straight draw or or top pair with a gutshot. And then, perhaps accompanied by a little speech (“What’s he got again? Two pair. Wow. Nice hand, buddy. Lemme take another look…wait a second…”), you turn over the stone-cold nuts. (“Would ya look at that. I made Broadway. Ship it!”)

Now that’s a slow roll. As regular readers know, The Rules Guy has little patience for slowrolling — the agonizing and deliberate stall before tabling a superior hand, during which time the slowroller heats a dull metal sword in the hellish forge of his soul, coats it with a mixture of salt and curare, then plunges it into his opponent’s chest, with a half-twist for emphasis. Slowrolling is a cardinal sin in TRG’s book, but what you did is so far from a slow roll that your conscience should be completely clear.

A slow roll is designed to induce pain, or at least tilt, and is unacceptable, according to the implicit behavior standards of the game. But even in the strictest interpretation of the rules, your actions were right. As the always reliable Krieger and Bykofsky put it in their book The Rules of Poker (Lyle Stuart, 2006): “On the final betting round, the last player who actively bet or raised the pot (and was then called) is required to show his hand first.” In your case, there was no river action (since your opponent was all-in on the turn), but the Krieger/Bykofsky rule still applies: It’s up to your opponent to show his hand or muck his cards first (he made the last aggressive action).

You had the rules on your side, and a viable reason for wanting to see your opponent’s hand (and, unmentioned, you might have not wanted to table the winner unless necessary). In short, your behavior was fine.

Three general notes on this topic: First, tabling your hands at showdown does speed up the game, so if the strategic/tactical stakes are small, just turn the cards over and let them speak. Second, the proper showdown order in a multiway pot is the player who last made an aggressive action shows first, then showdown proceeds clockwise; if there’s no betting on the final round, then the first player to the left of the dealer shows first, moving clockwise. Third, in tournament play, all hands must be tabled when a player is all-in and there’s no further action. And hands should be tabled immediately; no one has to or should go first.

Dear The Rules Guy:

I was playing $1-$3 no-limit hold’em in Vegas last week. A woman sits down on my immediate right and quickly loses three buy-ins. All the while she is shuffling her chips, and the noise is starting to get to me. What are my options? Should I just ask the player to stop? Ask dealer for a seat change? Or ask the floor for a table change? I would rather stay where I am. Is there some sort unwritten rule about chip shuffling?

— RR, Buffalo, NY

Dear RR,

First, there is no written or unwritten rule about chip shuffling, but there’s certainly hundreds of unwritten (and constantly flouted) implicit rules about being irritating: Don’t gloat over a victory or wallow about a setback. Don’t criticize someone else’s play. Don’t play Lady Gaga (or Mozart) in your Beats Pro cans so loud that the retirees playing $2-$4 limit hold’em two tables over can hear it. But TRG can coalesce these and the hundreds of other annoying behaviors into a single, easy-to-remember, difficult-to-enforce rule: Don’t be an asshat.

First rule of thumb: She may not be an asshat at all. Most people don’t set out to be annoying, may not realize they’re being annoying, and are eager not to be annoying. So your first option is simply to ask them to stop. Speak to the offender in a way that doesn’t make them defensive and doesn’t sound accusatory. “Could I trouble you to do that riffling a bit quieter? I’m having trouble hearing the action.” That is generally so much more effective than something more confrontational (“Stop riffling your chips so loud or else!”) or immediately bellowing for the floor.

Even for serious breaches of rules and etiquette, speaking decorously to someone gives them a chance to stop before the embarrassment and hassle of getting the powers that be involved. Give the person a chance to save face. In general, politeness begets politeness in the same way that respects begets respect. And remember, too, that this may be your problem — if no one else is bothered by it, you may just be being oversensitive. In which case, suck it up and change seats or tables.

A follow-up: RR wrote “very nicely, I asked her if she would stop …She said she would and then asked for a seat change. She was nice about my request.” A perfect outcome, and you both behaved admirably!

Comments? Questions? Behavioral issues? Email TRG at [email protected].