The Rules Guy: How To Conduct Yourself at the Poker Table

Most players learn poker’s explicit rules pretty quickly: the “one-chip rule,” for example, or “verbal declarations are binding.” But not everyone seems to have digested the game’s vast book of unwritten rules, admonitions like “don’t berate other players (particularly bad ones)” or “say ‘nice hand’ even when you mean something entirely different.”

Enter “The Rules Guy.” TRG believes that civility and sportsmanship are never wrong, and that bad behavior (even when you’re simply trying to get an edge) is bad for the game. Have you got a question about how to conduct yourself at the poker table? Email TRG at [email protected].

Dear The Rules Guy:

I still don’t understand why I need to be nice to tourists and fish and middle-aged recreational bozo players who come into my game and do stupid things. The stars in the NBA and the NFL talk trash and taunt their opponents—why can’t I?

—Venomous in Vegas

Dear ViV:

At one level, it’s hard to argue with you, because much of what you say is true. It’s true that recreational players do stupid things, God bless’em. But then, so do rocks, semipros, journeymen players, and superstars. And sometimes stupid plays work, God bless’em. And sometimes stupid plays that work can cause even the best players to get off their game, through frustration and frustration’s much more evil twin, anger.
The Rules Guy sees this manifest in two ways every time he’s in the poker room. First, he observes players going off on other players:

“Why did you call that bet? You are so bad at poker.”

“You freakin’ fish, you’re a donator, and you’re gonna donate to me sooner rather than later.”

And, TRG’s personal favorite, usually uttered to a floor person: “Get me out of this game. I need to play bigger with players who know what they’re doing.” (Or sometimes: “…where they’ll respect my raises.”)

Second, he watches players—good players and bad—go off on themselves after a bad beat. They mutter to themselves: “I can’t get a hand! I cannot get a single hand!” They complain to, or about, dealers: “You know, you never give me a hand, Felix.” (Demonstrably false: You get two cards on every deal.) “Why’d did you have to pitch the third heart on the river?” (Let’s see…oh, right! Because that was the next card to be dealt after the burn card.)

And TRG sees three problems with this frustration/anger dynamic; one moral and two strategic.

The moral problem: It’s fine to be angry when someone wrongs you. When a player acts out of turn after three warnings and your line is affected, you’ll be angry and you should be angry. But when a guy plays his cards according to his own notions of strategy (however misguided they may be) or without regard to any strategy at all (surprisingly common), it may certainly affect you, but it’s not generally directed at you. He’s not trying to mess you up.

Fish go with the flow; let them swim, freely. (Side note: It’s about time poker players retired the “fish” phraseology. It’s apt, of course, but should poker culture be openly articulating something that might cause “recreational players” to avoid the game?)

Never let them see you sweat. Or fume. Or steam. Or berate. They aren’t doing things on purpose to anger you. Be civil, polite, and generous. After all, they’re being generous to you, which brings TRG to the second point.

The strategic problem, part I: When fish—sorry, recreational players—play badly, you win. End of story. You may lose a hand when a player calls your cold four-bet with 9-5 off and the flop is 8-7-6. (Once, TRG was seated next to a terrible player who confidently asserted that 9-5 was “the hand that always wins.” The source of his insight? “My brother-in-law told me,” he explained with a knowing nod.) You lost the hand, but you will make up for it many, many, many times over.

The strategic problem, part II: When you get angry, you play worse. TRG is increasingly convinced that this is a neurological reality, not just a Zen poker conceit. Stress releases cortisol, a hormone that can depress your ability to make rational decisions and increase your appetite for risk. Stress, in other words, generates tilt, and even if you’re one cool shark, in a game of small edges, a little bit of tilt can have a deleterious impact on your stack and your roll.

The release of cortisol can also have nasty physical side effects, increasing blood sugar, suppressing the immune system, and decreasing bone formation.

Ergo: Getting angry is wrong because it’s not nice. Getting angry is wrong because it causes poor players to step up their game (and, even if its a short step up, your potential earn is decreased). And getting angry is wrong because it can lead you to make marginally worse decisions.

Keep yourself on an even keel. Be nice to the “recreational player” — suavely — so you can, “bleed him next week and the week after at a minimum.” It’s the right thing to do.

Dear The Rules Guy:

I’m mostly a tournament player, and consider myself to be pretty experienced and calm, cool, and collected at the table. But I surprised myself when I got upset after the following exchange after I was all in with ace-king against a pair of jacks:

Player 1 (not in the hand): “Whoa, dude, I folded an ace.”
Player 2 (not in the hand): “I folded ace-trey.”
Player 3 (not in the hand): “Man, I think I folded the case ace.”

Needless to say, these comments did nothing to improve my outlook. Turns out, I did win the hand when I paired my king on the river, but did I have a right to be upset before the king hit the felt? Were they out of line?

—Happy in Harrisburg

Dear HinH:

Decidedly out of line. Of course, this is more of a sin of omission than one of commission. Such comments, assuming they are made after the cards are tabled, don’t affect the play of hands; they cannot be considered a violation of any rule. But it’s not nice to hear those things when you’re all in without the stone-cold nuts.

It’s a leap of faith when you table a hand that’s behind or vulnerable, and there’s a moment of hopefulness before the community cards are dealt. Keep that hope alive, players — and keep your comments to yourself. ♠