The Rules Guy: How To Conduct Yourself at the Poker Table

Most players learn poker’s explicit rules pretty quickly: the “one-chip rule,” for example, or “verbal declarations are binding.” But not everyone seems to have digested the game’s vast book of unwritten rules, admonitions like “don’t berate other players (particularly bad ones)” or “say ‘nice hand’ even when you mean something entirely different.”

Enter “The Rules Guy.” TRG believes that civility and sportsmanship are never wrong, and that bad behavior (even when you’re simply trying to get an edge) is bad for the game.

Chop-Chop and Props to Lee Robert Schreiber

The Rules Guy dips into Lee Robert Schreiber’s book Poker As Life: 101 Lessons from the World’s Greatest Game constantly for inspiration and guidance. In fact his 78th lesson is an excellent rationale for the entire enterprise that is this column:

Tip #78: Kill ‘em with kindness: “There’s no reason why the casino or home environment could not encourage more civility and humility. You can still be a killer, just a kindly, more companionable one.”

TRG will put it another way: Assuming you’re not purely a recreational/social player, your goal should be to win as many chips as you possibly can. And that’s as it should be. In fact, it’s fine to be rapacious, ruthless, and cutthroat in your pursuit of that goal. But — and this is a big but — most of you will fare better by not appearing to be rapacious, ruthless, and cutthroat (or at least not overly so). A friendly, civil demeanor and even a small dose of humility will make you popular, even when you’re raking pots — or, for example, chopping the blinds, the subject of this column’s first question.

Dear The Rules Guy:

One player at my $2-$5 no-limit hold’em game absolutely, positively refuses to chop the blinds, and in fact loudly preaches about how bad it is and how bad we are for doing it. Do you have an opinion on the subject of chopping?

— Chop-Chop in Chicopee

Dear Chop-Chop:

The Rules Guy is a highly opinionated guy, and not just on matters relating to poker behavior and demeanor either. TRG will tell you that he believes the Michael Connelly’s Harry Bosch novels are superior to his Mickey Haller novels…that The Sopranos is better than Breaking Bad…that a ribeye is better than filet mignon. And TRG is happy to tell you his opinion of chopping the blinds.

In a minute.

First, TRG would like to tell you his opinion of your opponent in your $2-$5 game: He. Is. A. Jerk.

He is a jerk for always refusing to chop blinds (though he gets a point or two for consistency). But he is a supreme jerk for being a jerk about dictating “proper” behavior to the rest of the table on what can only be a personal decision and/or preference.

The conventional wisdom about chopping has three components. First, you shouldn’t chop for strategic reasons: You’re there to play poker, and a heads-up situation between the small and big blinds seems like an ideal place to do just that: play poker. TRG sort of understands this line of thinking, but has never found it entirely convincing.

The second component of Chopping Conventional Wisdom (CCW) is based on money. Chopping saves you money, generally, because chopping saves you rake. If the rake is high relative to the pot, chopping makes financial sense.

This is a very reasonable argument for chopping, and most players understand it instinctively. (This does get tricky in a “no flop/no drop” card room — typical in California — where the raiser can win the whole pot if he can win it preflop: no rake at all.)

The third component of CCW is to be consistent. Either you’re a chopper or you’re not, and you’ll know the prevailing ethos of the table within an orbit or two. Of course, it does feel a bit inappropriate if a player chops a bunch of times, then looks at his hand and raises from the small blind (when it has folded to him), but if there’s a more reliable tell, TRG would like to hear about. Unless the big blind has a playable hand, he’s going to fold and there’s really nothing to be that upset about.

Your decision about chopping should be based on your goal as a player (are you looking to press every single conceivable edge? don’t chop!) and the financial repercussions of the rake (do you like to save money? do chop!).

But TRG thinks you might also consider the overall good of the game. If you’re in a chopping position, it means that the bulk of the table has nothing to do. Chopping keeps the action flowing and, especially in loose, good games, that may be worth far more to you than the chance to win a small, rake-free pot.

And more subtly, a willingness to chop may earn you some brownie points (TRG just looked up the phrase “brownie points,” which has a clouded but interesting etymology; a high-falutin’ synonym is “social currency” which is a useful phrase for the poker table). A friendly and non-ruthless player earns some “social currency” which might be useful later on.

In short, TRG believes the reasons to chop are more compelling than the reasons not to chop — but cautions that this is his carefully considered opinion that in no way can be considered a dictum or prescription. Talking about hands? Unequivocally bad. Folding out of turn? Don’t do it, ever. Chopping? Do as you see fit (but keep the big picture in mind).

So choose your path, and don’t sweat it when others choose theirs.

A quick word about jackpots: Sometimes players will appear eager to play if they have hands with bad-beat jackpot potential. For example, the small blind has 6-6 and the big blind has 8-7 suited. What if, they seem to be thinking, the flop is 10 9 6 and the turn was the fourth six? Jackpot! Yes, that’s possible. Good luck and enough said on that topic.

Dear The Rules Guy:

In split-pot games in my casino, players often try to get involved in telling the dealer how to chop multiway pots or in other slightly confusing scenarios. In my experience, this “help” most often confuses things more than it streamlines them, but I would feel rude asking them to leave the dealer alone to do their job? Any advice?

— Bystander in Birmingham

Dear Bystander,

The Rules Guy knows exactly what you mean. Your instinct is spot on as our British cousins might say: “help” confuses matters more often than it clarifies them, whether it’s chopping pots or recounting a dispute to the floorman. Still, it’s hard to chime in and say “just let the dealer do his or her job,” without coming off as rude or jerky.

So consider this response, BinB, a call to your opponents and their ilk at poker rooms around the world: Let the dealer do the counting (and dealing and even moving the button — or perhaps especially moving the button). Feel free to intercede if a mistake is being made, but don’t add to the possibility of mistakes while the dealer is hard at work.

And if a reader can think of a clever, friendly way of saying “cool it, guys, and let him count,” TRG would love to hear from you. ♠