Don'ts for the Table

I realize that some of you low rollers are coming into cardrooms for the first time, perhaps having had your only exposure to poker online or from watching tournaments on television. So, before you pick up bad habits, here are some cardroom don'ts.

Writers (including me) are fond of this advice:

Don't criticize the other players. Nobody likes being criticized in front of others. (Actually, hardly anyone likes being criticized in private, either, but that's a different story.)

Two other don'ts are closely related:

Don't criticize the play of the player who just beat you, and don't give lessons at the table. Writers correctly ask, what is accomplished by telling the guy who just beat you how badly he played? Seriously, do you want him to start playing better? "How could you call on the turn with just an inside-straight draw?" So he got there; so what? Do you not want the extra bet the 11 times out of 12 he misses?

And unless you keep up such incessant chatter that everyone else at the table has inserted earplugs or put on headphones, others at the table hear what you say. Assuming that they listen, do you want them to quit trying to make hands when the odds are in your favor? Would you prefer to play against a table full of solid players? If that's really the case, that you want to compete only against those who play "properly," maybe instead of being in my $6-$12 game you ought to go over to the $80-$160 game, where I'm sure not many make such mistakes.

Here's what professionals say to such insistent teachers: "School's out." Or, a favorite of RGPers is, "Don't tap on the aquarium." (Internationally known tournament specialist, raconteur, and bon vivant Phil Gordon is reputed to have coined the phrase.) Unfortunately, those guilty of the malfeasance rarely themselves listen to excellent advice.

I think some people react to losing a pot by lashing out at the person who administered the beat. It makes them feel better to drag the person down. There seems to be a tendency to attack the successful, which goes a long way toward explaining many of the vituperative posts on RGP questioning the integrity and skills of those with some of the best tournament records and those who have written some of the best poker books.

The outcome of this criticism and gratuitous advice can only be counterproductive to the offerer. The recipient of the tongue-lashing, and perhaps others at the table, may thenceforward chase less often. Of course, much of the profit of a winning player comes from the mistakes of others, and one of those mistakes is calling when one is not getting adequate odds to make the call. The chaser may take the advice to heart, or at least feel that he better not try to draw out again on the lecturer because he'll get another public excoriation and doesn't want to be embarrassed. Or, he might just pick up his chips and leave.

Don't belittle the player who just lost to you. Putting down the player who just lost a pot to you is just bad manners. He feels bad enough for losing, and the end result will be the same as criticizing someone who beat you.

This happens frequently online. Someone makes what seems to be an idiotic call. The winner of the pot, who seems to think he's a superior player and has to tell everyone about it, types "ty" (thank you). What he means, of course, is, "Thank you for the dumb call, you idiot," and it's a deliberate put-down. Or, the pot winner types "LOL" (laughing out loud), and it's clear that he means the same thing. This behavior shouldn't be seen online, but the anonymity of sitting unseen at one's keyboard against players scattered literally around the world brings out the worst in some people. Don't bring that kind of behavior into a cardroom.

Along similar lines:

Quit complaining. Just like bad-beat stories, nobody wants to hear complaining. So you missed the last 20 flush draws (with two cards to come) in a row; so what? Just quietly try for the next one. (And if you miss again, you can secretly be pleased to have increased the situational odds from 5,465-to-1 against to 8,405-to-1.)

Even more annoying is for someone to win a pot and complain that, for example, all he got was the bets from the first three rounds of betting. "I finally made a flush and everyone folded on the river." This leads to the realization that: the only thing worse than a crying loser is a crying winner.

Don't chatter incessantly during play. Particularly don't talk in the middle of a hand. You may not have liked your cards and got out early, and maybe your neighbor folded, but others need to concentrate on the action. If your neighbor insists on telling you a story during a hand, tell her to wait till the current hand is over. The time to talk, if you must, is between deals, while the deck is being shuffled, while a new deck is being brought in, or while a time collection is being made – but not during play of a hand.

The worst offense is to discuss a hand while it is in play. "Nah, he can't have a 3; I folded a pair."

Don't act out of turn. This is elementary to most regulars, but may not be to beginners. Wait until the person to your right has completed his action before doing anything, whether that be fold, call, or raise. Online software won't let you act out of turn, so you may not realize its importance in a cardroom. It isn't just politeness that dictates this behavior. You can give someone an unfair advantage or put someone at an equally unfair disadvantage by acting out of turn. For example, it's a threehanded hold'em pot at the river, with three to a straight on the board. The first player bets. The second player has middle pair, and is contemplating a call. You missed your flush draw, and dump your cards in disgust. If the first player was bluffing, you have put him at a disadvantage, because the second player might fold if he's afraid of your overcall or possible raise. Knowing you are folding, though, makes it very easy to call, and harder for the first player's bluff to succeed. On the other hand, if the first player has the nuts, you have put the second player at a disadvantage because he knows he won't get to see the hand unless he calls.

The preceding is only one situation. You can, undoubtedly, come up with many more. If you always act in turn, you make it fair for everyone else. And they, by acting in turn also, protect you in similar situations.

Don't make string bets. Making a string bet is one of the most common beginner mistakes, and something that you, coming from online poker, are almost sure to do – even if you're no beginner there. You just might not have played in a cardroom.

A string bet is an illegal bet because it was not made all in one motion. The concept of string bets is complicated (and not just because it is interpreted differently from cardroom to cardroom). If you want to raise a bet, you are supposed to have as many chips as you need to cover the bet plus your raise in your hand when you put your hand in the pot, and then release all of them before withdrawing your hand. Similarly, if you wish to bet more than the minimum in a no-limit game, you are supposed to have as many chips as you wish to bet in your hand. Most cardrooms permit you to say the magic words, "I raise" (or something that means the same, even something as nebulous as "Going up!"), or, in the case of a bet, "I bet" (or something interpretable as synonymous), and then make one or more trips back to your stack for more chips. In the absence of the preceding conditions, you are likely to be guilty of making a string bet, the penalty for which is being permitted only to call the preceding bet, or put in the pot only as many chips as you currently have in your hand (or, in the case of a bet in a no-limit game, bet only the minimum for the game).

Watch out! The string-bet situation trips up more players than almost any other rule. The rationale behind prohibiting string bets is that, in former times, a player might put in part of his bet, hesitate long enough to see the reactions of other players, and then, based on those reactions, perhaps increase the bet.

In old Westerns, a player says, "I call your hunnert," putting the chips in the pot. Then, he looks around dramatically, grabs more chips, and says, "And raise a thousand more." That doesn't happen in cardrooms, for two reasons. One is, you can't both call and raise. The two actions are, by definition, mutually exclusive. The other is, in a cardroom, that would be ruled a string bet. But it's not limited to the Old West. In one of the recent celebrity poker games on TV, a participant put in enough chips for a call of the previous bet, paused a moment (just like in the movies: Might that have had something to do with her being an actress?), then announced, "And I raise," as she went back to her stack for more chips. That's teaching bad lessons to the viewers, and would never be permitted in a "real" tournament – or any cardroom.

Make your raise all at once, preferably accompanied by the word "raise." In some cardrooms, even if you say the word "raise," you can go back to your stack only once for more chips, so be careful.