Anyone Seen My Decoder Ring?

"If I crack this code, I'll have the key to the universe."

- Warren Karp

It was Saturday night and I was off to the casino to play poker! It was a great night in California, clear and warm – ah, California, what better place to play Omaha or Texas hold'em. I put my name on the board and when they called me, I walked over to the table and saw many familiar faces. There was Slim, Doc, A.J., J.J., Big Mack, Tony the Tell, Slow Roll, and The Hat – why we called him The Hat, I'm not sure, because he was as bald as a baby's behind and never wore a hat. My entrance to the game made nine players, and I posted behind the button. The game was $10-$20 half hold'em, half Omaha eight-or-better. This hand was hold'em, and the cards were dealt.

Doc, under the gun, raised immediately, perhaps trying to steal the blinds and perhaps with a real hand. A.J. called and said, "I'm gonna practice my check-raise." Slim then made it three bets, and Big Mack folded and yelled for service (he ordered a cheeseburger). Next, Tony the Tell, who always twitches when he has a big hand, flat-called (with no twitch), and J.J., without hesitation, capped it. The Hat folded, and it was to me. I looked down and saw Big Slick suited in spades and called the cap in the cutoff seat, taking the button away from Slow Roll, who folded. Everyone else called the raises, making the pot already huge – seven-way action, capped! It was time for the flop.

The flop was J-9-8 rainbow. The first thing I noticed was Tony twitching, which was not a good sign. Both blinds checked and Doc came out betting. A.J. folded, Slim popped it, Tony made it three bets, and J.J. again capped it. There was one spade on the board and the pot was huge. I could make a runner-runner flush, or runner-runner straight. I called. The two blinds folded and everyone else called. We now had five players and an enormous pot. The dealer burned and turned, and the turn card was the Q.

The board was now J-9-8-Q with two spades. J.J. looked like he just got punched, and Tony still had a gleam in his eye and was still twitching. Doc checked, Slim checked, Tony bet, and J.J. just flat-called; I put him on a set. I now had the nut-flush draw and the nut-straight draw. I had 12 outs and was going nowhere, and called. The other players flat-called as well, and we were off to the river.

The river brought the 8. The board was now J-9-8-Q-8 with three spades. Tony stopped twitching, and J.J. perked back up. Everyone checked to J.J., who bet, I flat-called with the nut flush, and Doc popped it! I was dead, my nut flush was no good; I was beat in two places! I was going to call for the size of the pot when Slim made it three bets. Tony, now twitching badly, folded and mumbled something. I folded, Doc and J.J. called, and the cards were turned up. J.J. had J-J and made jacks full. "Wow," said Doc, turning over 9-9 for nines full and proclaiming, "I was drawing dead to a 9." Slim, with his cunning smile and laid-back style, said, "Well, boys, looks like even a blind squirrel can find an acorn," as he turned over 8-8 for quads. Set over set over set had flopped, Tony had flopped a straight, I had rivered a flush, and it took a one-outer to win it.

Now, to those of you who play regularly, this probably sounds like a bad-beat story. However, it is really a story that merely shows that we truly have our own language in poker, and that to feel comfortable and unintimidated as a new player, learning this language is as important as learning strategy, pot odds, starting hands, and so on. Terms such as Big Slick, runner-runner, gutshot, burn and turn, Cowboys, pot odds, slow roll, set, the nuts, blinds, and the river are a foreign language to a new player. Fear not, they are not hard to learn, and I will help you along the way. Let's start with just a few of the terms mentioned above, and should you have any specific questions, E-mail me and I'll help you with them.

Big Slick is A-K: In hold'em, should you flop an ace, you would then have aces with the best kicker (king); conversely, should you flop a king, you would then have kings with the best kicker (ace).

Runner-runner is defined as having flopped one card to your hand and needing the next two cards to complete it. Example: You have Big Slick in spades and the flop includes one spade; you would need both the turn card and the river card to be spades in order to make your hand (a flush). It's not a play that I suggest you make very often!

Flop, turn, and river: In flop games such as hold'em and Omaha, community cards are turned up in the middle of the table for all players to use. First, there is a flop consisting of three cards; then, the dealer puts out the fourth card, which is called the turn card. Finally, the fifth card is put out, which is called the river. Many a player has been drowned on the river, but that's another story.

In between these cards, the dealer puts down a burn card, which is a protection factor for the players. The top card on the deck is never dealt out as a community card, as it might be flashed or otherwise known, and therefore is discarded facedown prior to new community cards being dealt. This is how the term burn and turn originated.

Gutshot is not a punch to the stomach, although those who have the nuts on the turn may feel it to be if you hit your gutshot on the river. For example, if you have an 8-7 in your hand and the board has a J-10 on it, you need to hit a 9 "in the gut" to make your straight.

The nuts: This term refers to an unbeatable hand. You almost never have the nuts until all of the cards are dealt, unless you flop an unbeatable hand such as four aces or a royal flush. My suggestion is that if you try to make the nuts, you'll become a winning player.

Remember, cardroom employees are ready to help you at any time, and there are floorpeople and dealers to protect the integrity of the game. Look at this new language as being a fun thing to learn. Listen for it, use it when you feel comfortable, and don't be afraid to ask questions.

I will look forward to receiving your E-mails, to meeting you at casinos and cardrooms, and to getting you more acquainted with the game of poker.

Until then, come and join us.