Clocking

During the final table of a recently concluded major tournament, there was some talk about the use of a clock. There are different rules for calling a clock on a player who is taking too much time; some are good ones and some don't get the job done. This got me thinking, and I have come up with the perfect solution.

A clock can be called on a player who is taking too much time by any player at a tournament table. There will be rules to follow for both the player calling the clock and the player who is taking too long.

In keeping with clock tradition, there will be 12 rules that pertain to clocking an opponent. Before each tournament begins, each player will be given one clock, and the following will apply:

1. Each player is allowed to clock a particular opponent once.

2. When a player clocks an opponent, he loses the ability to clock someone until he is clocked himself. He then regains his ability to clock someone.

3. If a player is clocked five times, he loses his ability to clock someone else for the remainder of the tournament.

4. If a player busts out of a tournament and has not been clocked, he is given the ability to clock an unlimited number of players in the next day's tournament.

5. A player who makes the money without being clocked is immune from being clocked for the remainder of the tournament.

6. A player who makes the money having been clocked more than once loses all ability to clock an opponent for the remainder of the tournament.

7. If two or more players want to clock someone simultaneously, the player being clocked loses his clocking ability and won't be able to clock someone the next day.

8. All clocking takes place in public view.

9. The floorman may clock any player he wishes.

10. A dealer who clocks a player has to get permission from the floorman.

11. At the final table, a player who is taking too much time is clocked by two other players at the same time.

12. The tournament winner is given the opportunity to clock the tournament director.

I think these rules are the perfect solution for the clock rule. Any player who wants to slow the game down risks getting clocked by multiple players, sometimes simultaneously.

Come to think of it, maybe this whole clocking thing can be used for other infractions. Imagine giving clocking abilities for profanity. Each player is allowed to clock another player who uses obscene language.

Maybe allowing dealers unlimited clocking privileges on players would be a good thing, too. And for certain dealers, you know who they are, allowing the players to clock them would be great. This might just shape everyone up and make poker clock-free.

Capricious once said: "The ability to clock lies in the freedom to be clocked." I guess this has something to do with that old eye-for-an-eye saying. So, maybe if we clock everyone, no one will want to be clocked, leaving no one to clock anyone else, and all clocking will be done outside of the poker room.

Maybe this whole clocking thing isn't the right thing to do. After all, clocking your opponent may have a negative effect. You may try to run a bluff on the player you just clocked, only to have him run you down and clean your clock. Getting your clock cleaned isn't a good thing, even if your clock needs to be cleaned.

So, that's my solution for the old clock problem. Who knows, I have seen worse things happen on April 1.