Very Curious

Dear Acey: I'm a very curious person. I wish to know who's the best poker player in the world?

- Curious George

Dear Curious George: Well, there are many great poker players, and it's very difficult to say who is the best live-action player. However, most people believe that T.J. Cloutier is the best tournament poker player in the world. Watch him play. He always plays "the best," whether he wins or loses. He's the best I've ever seen. The smartest poker players in the world are Mike Caro, David Sklansky, and Mason Malmuth, in my opinion. Read their books and Card Player columns and you'll see why they're so smart. The funniest poker player in the world is the easiest one of the three categories for me to judge – it's Card Player columnist Max Shapiro. Just read his book Read 'em and Laugh; I guarantee that you'll laugh out loud. Oh, by the way, Curious George, Bill Gates is the richest poker player in the world. He started playing poker as an undergraduate at Harvard and still plays today, on occasion.

Dear Acey: A World War II poker buddy of mine – a "Mr. Know-It-All," you know the type – told me that the picture cards in a poker deck represent historical characters. He said that the king of spades represented Adolph Hitler. Is he right? When I have a king-high spade flush, am I honoring Hitler? I hope not.

- WWII Veteran

Dear WWII Veteran: Your old Army buddy is partially correct. The picture cards in a poker deck do honor historical characters, they really do. However, the king of spades does not honor Adolph Hitler – no way, Jose.

According to the historian Kim Semsel, the king of spades was carefully designed to honor King David of the Hebrews. He's the fellow who slew the giant Philistine known as Goliath. The sword pictured on the card is supposed to be a replica of the giant sword that David took from Goliath upon slaying him with a stone shot from his leather sling. David later became the king of the Hebrews, and he was the father of King Solomon. Also of interest, the king of hearts on cards depicts Charlemagne, the king of clubs depicts Alexander the Great, and the king of diamonds depicts Julius Caesar. The four kings grouped together are intended to represent four Old World cultures – the Hebrew world, the Holy Roman Empire, Rome, and Greece. These four civilizations formed the foundation of Western civilization and culture.

Dear Acey: Please settle a bet. My poker buddy Joey D said that baseball is the "Great American Game." I told him he's wrong, that poker was the Great American Game. Who's right? We've a lot riding on this bet.

- Great American

Dear Great American: According to historical writer Edwin Wuehle, baseball has been called the Great American Game because of the large number of people who watch it. On the other hand, according to extrapolations from John Scarne, there are more than 80 million poker players in America. Most of them play for very small stakes. Millions of Americans meet on a regular basis in casinos and cardrooms, lodges, veterans and union halls, senior citizen centers, home recreation rooms, and around kitchen and dining room tables to play poker. More Americans play poker than watch baseball. In my eyes, that makes poker the most American of all games. In my book, playing always trumps watching. Joey D had better take off his baseball cap and ante up.

Dear Acey: I've worked hard my whole life and now I'm retired and financially well off. As a hobby, I enjoy playing poker. I go to my local casino about four times a week and play for about four or five hours per day. I have several friends in the poker room and I enjoy their company. I'm friendly with cardroom managers and several of the dealers, and enjoy talking with them. I like getting complimentary food, and on occasion, even winning some money. My problem is that my wife of 50 years does not like the "idea" of my playing poker. She wants me to spend more time with her. What should I do? I love my wife and care about her feelings, but I really love my poker.

- Troubled Old-Timer

Dear Troubled Old-Timer: Take her to a class at Mike Caro University of Poker, and perhaps she'll see why you love the game and will want to accompany you to the poker room – to play herself.

Editor's note: Readers are encouraged to E-mail Dear Acey, the "Dear Abby of Poker," at [email protected].