Cardroom Miscellany

Just Wondering

How come dealers always announce a raise this way, "Raise it up"? Have you ever heard of anyone raising it down, or raising it sideways? Redundancy rules.

For that matter, why in lowball do players always pair up? I've never seen anyone pair down or sideways here, either. What's wrong with saying, "I paired"?

Seven-card stud players say something just before the river card is dealt. You hear this more often in home games, but I've heard it plenty of times in cardrooms. Usually in cardrooms it's not the house dealer who says it, but one of the players: "Down and dirty." Now, what the heck does that mean? The only justification I can think of for the existence of that saying is that it is alliterative, and that's pretty flimsy. Is the river card dirty because it is likely to spoil every player's hand? That obviously isn't the case in stud, because a player with six cards often already has a good hand that can't be hurt by a seventh card. A specific player's hand might not be helped, of course, but that's bound to be good news for some other player. Is it dirty because the arrival of the seventh card is going to produce some sneaky outcome? Well, maybe, but that doesn't happen all that often. It's usually clear by the river which hand is going to win.

And why do poker players say the dumbest things over and over again? How many times in a California cardroom have I heard someone say on his turn to act, "Pasadena" or "Paso Robles" instead of "I pass." Maybe that was cute the first time someone said it, but it wasn't the thousandth time I heard it. The first time I heard a dealer refer to a bet and a raise as "two scoops," it was, uh, OK, that's different, sort of. But I've heard that expression for 30 years, folks, in every cardroom I've ever played in. And a dealer doesn't say it just once. Nope. He says it every time the situation arises, which, in a limit game, is pretty often.

Do many poker players fancy themselves sit-down comedians? I don't know how many times I've heard, "I've got two chances to win this pot, slim and none, and slim just left town." Or, the table clown says to a tight player, "You must have a lot of gamble in you, because you never let any of it out." Have you ever heard a dealer announce a raise this way? "Mr. More just came to town." I have – hundreds of times. That phrase was used in the movie House of Games to make a poker game seem more authentic, but to me it just seemed contrived. Maybe all of this is new to online players, but I swear I got mighty sick of hearing someone lose a pot and say, "They're beating me like a drum" or "They're beating me like a stepchild." Heavens, is there no originality in cardrooms?

Slowdown at the Showdown

Some clubs have a rule that at showdown time, a specific order must be followed. Frequently, the last to initiate a bet or raise must show first. When there is no bet on the last round, in some clubs the showing of hands starts with the player to the left of the dealer (deal position); in others, the last player in any previous round – including all the way back to the first round, if necessary – to initiate a bet or raise must show first. This is to get around the jockeying that used to occur for players to be last to show their hands. Players apparently did not want to give away what cards they were playing, so they waited for someone else to show. If a better hand appeared, they didn't have to show theirs. Others used it as an occasion to insert a needle by employing a slow roll; that is, waiting till all the other hands were shown, and when the holder of the apparent best hand started to claim the pot, only then showing down the hand they knew all along to be the best. This slow roll was usually employed for the purpose of putting on tilt the player who for a brief moment thought he had actually won the pot. It was to prevent the preceding that a rule had to be made. Unfortunately, an orderly showdown progression is not universally employed. Where it is not, politeness dictates that when the betting is over, the player who knows he has the best hand shows it down quickly, the others dump theirs, and they get on with the next deal. But in such games, that combination of reluctance and orneriness often shows up, and no one wants to show anything, and I still wonder why.

In the days of player-dealt games, when I held what I knew to be a hand that could not possibly win the pot, and no one wanted to show down for what seemed like a very long time, I would triumphantly spread my (for example, in lowball) two pair or (in draw poker) 8-high hand, and start to scoop up the pot. The winning hand would then usually get promptly shown. I made up a saying at the time for the situation: "I guess the old rule is still in effect, 'The best hand must be shown down last.'"

Cardroom Sayings

For all kinds of reasons, you don't want to criticize the other players. Many of my confreres have written extensively about this, noting how stupid it is for the loser of a pot to lecture the winner on how badly he played. Why would a player who earns most of his money from the mistakes made by others want to convince the mistake makers to quit making those mistakes? Does he think he'll win more money by convincing everyone to play perfectly against him? Does he want to embarrass the guy who just won a huge hold'em pot by calling a capped round with his 7-2 offsuit into not playing such garbage again? Will it please him in the future to have the "fun players" fold the next time he comes in for a raise with his pocket aces? And the player who insists on criticizing those who beat him doesn't hurt just himself. Others in the game might be profiting from the mistakes the poor players make, and those others will not do as well if the sore loser criticizes the play of the live ones. From this situation arise a number of sayings usually voiced by the smart players to the unthinking critic.

Old-timers might say, "School's out." Straightforward players are likely to come out with, "Don't give lessons at the table." Or, "Don't smarten up the dummies." My favorite, one popular among RGPers (members of the Internet poker discussion group rec.gambling.poker) and members of Internet poker mailing lists, was first coined by Phil Gordon: "Don't tap on the aquarium."

You've probably seen players who lie about whether they're winning, perhaps because they think the others will consider them to be more live if they aren't known as consistent winners. The losers, so their theory seems to go, are happy to lose to other losers and reluctant to lose to winners. You've seen this type. He's got seven racks of chips piled up in front of him. You say, "Hey, looks like you've got a nice little score going there." "Nah, I'm in a grand," he replies. If you'd been there five hours ago when he sat down, you'd have seen him buy in for one rack and buy no more thereafter. I have a saying for players like this: "The only thing worse than a crying loser is a crying winner."

Just as bad as lecturing the guy you lost to is putting down the player you beat. Don't belittle the player who just lost to you. He doesn't even have a nice won pot with which to console himself. He might easily get embarrassed and tighten up his play or quit the game altogether. I know why players do this. They think they can goad the guy into playing even worse by angering him into trying to get even (and they're less likely to win by shooting against one particular player), or they try to prove their own superiority.

Michael Wiesenberg's The Official Dictionary of Poker is the ultimate authority on the language of cardrooms. Order it online at CardPlayer.com. And look for The 1,000 Best Casinos in the World early in 2005.