Strange, Funny, and Absurd Comments

I took the entire month of June off from travel and extracurricular work in order to concentrate on playing live poker in Las Vegas. The number of tournaments and games, from low-limit to “bet your life” stakes, were plentiful, indeed. I played more hours of live poker in June than I played during the first five months of 2010. Most of my play these days is online, and I miss out on the chatting and interaction at the table, since I turn off my online chat. While playing live in June, I had to get out my paper and pen a few times to record some of the strangest, funniest, and most absurd comments I heard at the tables so that I could share them with you.

A poker dealer was bragging about his professional skills and commented that he had taken a leave of absence from his regular job so that he could deal at the World Series of Poker. One of the players asked him where he usually dealt. He replied, “Online.”

I played a lot of Omaha eight-or-better; instead of rake, the house got its revenue from time pots. These were “kill” games, meaning that if a player scooped a pot, he had to leave an extra blind in the pot for the next hand, which was played at a higher limit. On the half-hour, the dealer announced, “The next hand will be a kill pot and a time pot.”

One sharp player asked, “Does that mean that we are killing time?”

Overheard at the table: “I played in five big tourneys today. I played at the Venetian, Rio, Caesars, Binion’s, and the Golden Nugget. Three of them were deep-stack events.”

I bit my tongue to keep from saying, “I’m not so sure that I would be bragging about that.”

In a razz tourney, I was in the fortunate situation of having my opponent drawing dead. As he sweated his last card, he asked me what he needed to catch on the river. I replied, “The six of spades.”

He said, “That’s impossible; you already have it in your hand.”

I said, “That’s true, but if you catch a six of spades, the deck will be fouled and at least you can get your money back.”

From Nancy Todd Tyner’s Twitter account: Some guy walked up to me in the hallway and asked me to sign his arm. I don’t sign body parts; too weird for me.

Another from Nancy Todd Tyner: The under-the-gun player raised. The next guy moved all in. The big blind also went all in. The original raiser said, “I guess my queens are no good,” as he mucked. The flop came Q-Q-Q.

From Daniel Negreanu’s Twitter account: Perry Friedman and Mike Matusow just bet $5,000 that the first one to talk loses. I think Mike is drawing dead.

Daniel’s next Twitter message: Mike bought out of the bet for $200. He couldn’t take it. I did hear him whisper “wow” and “so bad.”

My favorite quote overheard at the table: “In Texas, men wouldn’t dare play in a ladies event; they’d be missin’ some body parts when we was done with ’em.”

I literally laughed out loud at this one: A player was flirting with a cocktail waitress, and asked her where she was from. She replied, “Nicaragua.”

He said, “That’s such a beautiful city.”

I hope that you enjoyed this column. Please send your funny poker stories and tales to me at [email protected]. By the way, check out the new look of our website at www.cardplayercruises.com. Our starting price for the Dec. 5-12, 2010, poker cruise is only $587 plus tax.

Now, let’s play poker!

Linda is a partner in Card Player Cruises and teaches for WPT Boot Camp. She is available to host seminars and corporate functions, and can be reached through her website at www.cardplayercruises.com.