Things to Say and Not to Say

A couple of weeks ago I was playing in a midlimit Omaha eight-or-better game. It was a good action game and everyone was having a good time when a very typical five-way pot came up, and it ended up being a fairly large pot. When the river card was dealt, the first three players checked and the next player bet; I was last to act and called. I had A-A-4-J, which gave me the nut low, and a pair of aces for high. The next three players, who had checked, all threw their hands away. This left just the bettor and myself. The bettor exclaimed, "You win!" I thought to myself, "Great," and proudly announced and showed a pair of aces and the nut low. My opponent, seemingly a nice young man with whom I had never played before, paused and then said, "Oh, I've got two pair." So, instead of winning the whole pot, I ended up with half the pot. That in itself was no surprise, nor was it a disappointment; in fact, I was fairly certain that one pair was not going to win the high. I guess I could have said nothing and let it pass, but instead I calmly said, "You really shouldn't say that ( 'You win'); you should just call your hand or lay it down." The player immediately said he was sorry and that he just figured I must have called with something better than his two pair. It seemed to bother a couple of the players at the table more than it did me, but soon the episode was forgotten and the game continued with everyone getting along just fine.

A few days later I ran into the same young man, and again he apologized to me. I assured him it was no big deal and thanked him for the apology. He then went on to say that he was a relative newcomer, and because of that, he sometimes said the wrong thing. He said he just didn't know, at times, what was proper etiquette and what was not.

He explained that he loved playing poker and wanted to get along in the games without being rude or out of line. He asked if I could write a column for all new, inexperienced players, explaining what was proper and improper.

So, for this nice young man's benefit, let me provide a few thoughts on what I think all new players should know. It also might be a reminder to all of us about being considerate, and saying what is appropriate and not saying what is inappropriate.

First, when you bet and get called, call your hand or lay it faceup in front of you, or do both. It is discourteous to do anything other than that. Do not say things like, "Your flush is good," "Do you have a straight?" "One pair," "I got nothing," "I missed," or "Nice call." If you want to play those little games, get together with some friends and start a low-limit home game in which you can say all the things they say in all those old movies in which they are playing poker. You know the ones – those in which the bad guy says, "Aces full," laughs, and reaches for the pot, and then the hero stares at him for a minute and says, "Good, but not good enough. I got four deuces." You definitely don't want to say things like that if you are going to play in a public poker room; all those cutesy statements don't fly there. Be courteous enough to show or call your hand when you're called. It's a little embarrassing when you are caught bluffing with something like a 9 or 10 high in a hold'em game, but as painful as that might be, it is proper to call or show your hand, or dump it.

There is another area of "do nots" that I want to mention to inexperienced players. Sometimes these players hesitate too long when they get called, allowing, and even encouraging, the other player or players to show their hands down first, and then announcing in an apologetic way, "Oh, I can beat that; I thought you had better than that." If you get called, don't stall. Call your hand even if you think you are probably beat. Sadly enough, though, I have to be honest and add that even some experienced players can give you that hesitation move. I call it a "semi-slow roll."

Finally, when someone bets and you call, as soon as you see that your hand is the best hand, be as timely as you can in showing your hand or saying, "No good," or "I can beat that." If you intentionally stall and lead the other player to believe his hand is good, you are doing what is called a "full-blown slow roll." All of us have experienced brain-lock at one time or another, and did not realize we had the best hand, thereby unintentionally slow-rolling an opponent. When this unfortunate thing happens, a heartfelt apology should be given. It will usually be accepted and appreciated. Believe me, most experienced players can differentiate between an intentional and unintentional slow roll.

As unimportant as these things might appear, I'll bet that most of the old-timers who have stayed with me through this entire column will agree that we have seen more arguments and quarrels at the poker table over the situations I've listed here than all other indiscretions put together. So, here's a word to the wise: If you're new to poker, learn to do or not to do the things I've mentioned and you'll be considered a courteous player, and courteous players make for better, and more friendly and enjoyable, games.

For what it's worth …